Thank you both. I am just so fucking scared bc I don't know how to be alone or hold a.job or drive a car and I need to do all of those things for my kids who I'd die for. I've just been a stay at home.mom since I was 18 (im 26 now) so yeah I just feel hopeless and want to die. And to top it all off, I .am also an alcoholic and it's so fucking hard to go.through it every day..
Your thinking too far ahead. Try to concentrate on what needs to happen now and thats to find safety for yourself and your children. The other stuff (a job, learning to drive), you can get help with that when the time comes, but for now I think you need an exit plan. @Not-2-be-the-answer and @Vibritania posted the DV Hotline number, so first things first, when your able to make a call, when its safe and your boyfriend is not around, then do so. If you dont have access to a phone, perhaps there is a neighbour or if you can go to a local shop and use their phone? It will be really scary doing this, I imagine, but you can. Just take one step at a time. Try not to think too far ahead as to what will happen after you make the call. Sometimes its easier to keep things as simple as possible otherwise you start to feel so overwhelmed that everything you need to do seems too impossible.
You could start thinking about planning some steps eg:
Step 1: At a time when it is safe, make a call to the DV hotline.
Step 2: If your able to you may want to pack a few things to take with you for yourself and your children, but keep it to a minimum. If your boyfriend does happen to come back after you have just made the call, you dont need him seeing bags. So you want to find a good hiding place for your items should he return. Doing something like this also helps while you wait for someone to come and get you, esp as the minutes can seem like hours when your scared. (Things may work quite differently for you depending on which country you are from, but where I live as soon as a call is made to our DV Hotline, they are sending a car to pick you up).
If that is not the case where you live, then the most important thing to do is to leave the house. If you have someone that you can go to great, but if not, thats ok too, just leave the house and start walking towards somewhere where there is alot of people. As soon as your far enough away you can think about making a call to the DV Hotline. Just make sure your somewhere safe first.
Step 3: Its helpfull sometimes, depending on the age of the children to let them know that you will all be going out so not to stray to far, stay in the home. The last thing you need is for either of your children to dissappear somewhere when you need to go.
These are just examples of some of the things you could think about, or steps you could take that may help to make the planning a bit easier. In my situation it was good to be able to prepare as best we could. It was also helpfull to make some plans because it helped u concentrate on the things we needed to get done rather than the "what ifs" that tend to creep in at times like this when your panicking. One of the hardest things to do when your going through this is to keep the momentum going. This is really important. You dont want to stop once you have made the decision to leave. JUST KEEP MOVING NO MATTER WHAT.
Your really brave. That, first and foremost is what I wanted to say to you. Its really difficult what your going through and I admire you for taking the first step. Sending lots of hugs your way. Here if you need someone to talk to.
