Anyone been to therapy and realize you're just really messed up?

[사람이 없어]

Been going to this therapist for several weeks, and today we planned on a 1h session, but it ended up being 2 hours long instead..
Eventually she told me I seem to have dissociative identity disorder based on how I describe how my life works like, and everything else I previously told her where she did mention I am going through so much in life from traumas to disorders to instability to stress from life and being a minority to this and that and more.. and it's like no wonder I just keep failing in life as I seem to be playing on really hard mode.
I've just been trying to diagnose myself with autism and ADHD so hearing her bring this up was kinda, ugh.. Well not surprising considering I have looked it up in the past, but with her I didn't want to bring it up because it feels I am faking it for attention or I got it through social contagion or whatever the heck else, something I did mention to her, "how stupid and shizo it all sounds like", yet it still got brought up here and she said it wasn't stupid nor a shizo thing. ._.;
Likewise cannot fake the amnesia in my life, including people in my life I completely didn't know were in my life at times, yet apparently were, but I just didn't know.
She also said that since it's not recognized here in Denmark as far as she knows she cannot give me any help for it either beyond our therapy sessions, though I said maybe it's in the ICD-11 manual, but we'll see what she says once she comes back.

Whether it's that or something else we'll find out later ig with even more sessions, but it just sucks sometimes, wishing I had a proper upbringing with healthy parents, in my native country, in a safe area, with proper nutrition starting from the womb etc.

That's not to say it's all gloom and doom, and she has started to make me think more about myself and certain things I had questions/confusion about so that's nice, and maybe a small part of me sees some hope that I will get even better once our therapy sessions run out, but bleh, it sucks when you do struggle a lot and most people cannot understand why you're so far back in life compared to your peers.

 

[spypilot896]

yeah I realized I'm fucked up on my own before therapy , part of me wants to be loved , to love others , another part of me wants to rape people , another part of me just wants to die
I fucking hate myself , I just wanna ctb cuz I'm prob a danger to others

 

[BloomingAzaleas]

I also have dissociative identity disorder, and yeah it can be a bit shocking to see just how far from "functional" you really are when you go to therapy.

Just a reminder that therapy only works for those who want help and to change, so so long as you keep up a good effort, I'm sure you'll make good progress. Your problems won't go away, but at least you'll be able to manage much more

 

[Shadow_]

I think going to therapy and finding out you're messed up is kinda the point of therapy. You know things aren't right, but now you have an explanation, a starting point. A clear (well probably very murky) path forward.