Anyone been suicidal before?

[RacilyDank]

Have you ever been acutely suicidal before then things got better and been glad you didn't?

 

[Wildflower]

Yes and yes. I've met some of the best, most supportive people in my life following suicidal episodes.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

every day since second grade

 

[RacilyDank]

Yes and yes. I've met some of the best, most supportive people in my life following suicidal episodes.

So are you actively suicidal now?

Every time I recover I'm so happy I didn't and wonder how I could have even considered it. Then every time I get sick again I think 'this time is different for [whatever] reason' or 'but I won't get better this time'!

 

[RacilyDank]

every day since second grade

Every day you've felt suicidal? Or every day you've felt better and been glad you didn't?

 

[Tiburcio]

I never changed my mind about suicide. I regret not killing myself and I still did it even in some moments of improvement because I knew death was the best option for me.

You were young, you were not being objective, you should wait
My balls.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

Every day you've felt suicidal? Or every day you've felt better and been glad you didn't?

i wish i was never fucking born!

 

[Wantingpeace]

Yes I spent 16 years thinking I was mentally ill..I was going in and out of severe antidepressant withdrawals that can last months if not years but didn't know so went back on drugs. Had depression suicidal thohghts severe anxiety and I thought I wanted to die. At end of 16 years I ended up with a second drug reaction that is worse than all of 16 years put together and I now I just want to live but being pushed to death..

 

[RacilyDank]

Yes I spent 16 years thinking I was mentally ill..I was going in and out of severe antidepressant withdrawals that can last months if not years but didn't know so went back on drugs. Had depression suicidal thohghts severe anxiety and I thought I wanted to die. At end of 16 years I ended up with a second drug reaction that is worse than all of 16 years put together and I now I just want to live but being pushed to death..

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. 'Luckily' I have a bad reaction to antidepressants so never stayed on them long before enough to get withdrawals, just severe side effects

 

[Wantingpeace]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. 'Luckily' I have a bad reaction to antidepressants so never stayed on them long before enough to get withdrawals, just severe side effects

Thank you is absolutely insane. They may have well pushed me off bridge. That is good that no bad effects stayed.

 

[Ben]

Have you ever been acutely suicidal before then things got better and been glad you didn't?

I've never really had a impulsive attempt. I pre-mediate waaaay before hand because I saw rock bottom coming from a mile away. Both times I failed, I did not see the greener grass afterwards. No amount of mental gymnastics can convince me everything will work out.

 

[Clover]

First time I considered it was last year but it was more a last resort and things got temporary better and then a million times worse. Then it became a very serious and definitive decision.

 

[Phro]

I've been suicidal for almost ten years. I'm determined to do what I need to do by the end of the month.

 

[bigj75]

Yes actually. Up until the age of 14 or 15 I was depressed. Then I wasn't anymore. I got healthier, better looking, had a new family, wasn't dirt poor anymore, got decent at football , had a bunch of friends, etc. Had depression beat for 2 years. Then lost it all. It made me realize just how good and important not being depressed was/felt. A depressed free mind to me is priceless. If someone gave me the choice of 1 billion dollars or for me to be clear of depression i would choose to be clear of depression.

 

[wanttodie]

I've been suicidal for about 20 years

 

[nuclearsnake]

I've been suicidal for 12 years. Literally been thinking about it every day. There were times were the whole situation was a little bit better but even then I was depressed and bitter that I hadn't killed myself yet/that my attempts were just attempts.

 

[Jaded]

Yes then I got much much worse and no longer want to suffer anything.

 

[Morning Angel]

Passively in college.

 

[Wildflower]

So are you actively suicidal now?

Every time I recover I'm so happy I didn't and wonder how I could have even considered it. Then every time I get sick again I think 'this time is different for [whatever] reason' or 'but I won't get better this time'!

Yeah I am. I find that love / friends / support / happiness is fleeting and only postpones the suicidal thoughts, for me. This past go round it postponed it for an entire year, almost unheard of for me! It was nice. But there are certain facets of my life that will never be resolved... Eventually I circle back to thoughts of "if I kill myself I never have to face this again" and from there it's usually a few short weeks to active thoughts/plans.

 

[MEoDP]

Have you ever been acutely suicidal before then things got better and been glad you didn't?

Yup,that's what's consistently been happening to me so far. but who knows how long my luck will last till I end up in a permanently fucked up situation with suicide being the only way out.

I can only hope that doesn't end up being the case.

 

[medusa]

Every day for around 8 years...still scared to act on it and not sure it is right for me quite yet

 

[IDontWantToBreathe]

The first time I thought about killing myself I was 8. My mom locked me in the car, started driving really fast and screamed that she was going to drive in to oncoming traffic and kill both of us because I was a mistake she couldn't take back. She did that quite often. I haven't cared about my life from a very young age. I'm 24 now. No breaks. No hope. No faith. I've never been on the fence about it. I have my date set and my plan in place. Fuck this world.

 

[MissLisa]

Yes and no, most of my life I haven't wanted to live. I had a strong survival instinct though as a child but by the time I got to early teens I didn't care anymore. I was heavily into drugs and took overdoses regularly and put myself in very risky situations but didn't die. There was a little while in my life where I felt almost happy to be alive. The last few years has been a massive fight within myself to stay alive or die. The fight is only because of other factors in my life, i try hard everyday to think of others and keep going but some days the need to go overrides everything else. I have looked into buying N but I can't afford it, the exit bag looked ideal with helium but I worried about putting a bag over my head. I looked into using helium with a full face scuba mask but the mask is expensive and more recently thanks to this page partial suspension hanging. I have made a noose before where I was going to try full suspension hanging which I'm glad I didn't. I can't really answer the question really because my need to die and live change so much, because of external factors. Without them I would have been gone long ago.

 

[MissLisa]

The first time I thought about killing myself I was 8. My mom locked me in the car, started driving really fast and screamed that she was going to drive in to oncoming traffic and kill both of us because I was a mistake she couldn't take back. She did that quite often. I haven't cared about my life from a very young age. I'm 24 now. No breaks. No hope. No faith. I've never been on the fence about it. I have my date set and my plan in place. Fuck this world.

My mum did that to me but because I "opened my mouth". Although she would really never have thought about hurting herself. Lesson learned!

 

[IDontWantToBreathe]

My mum did that to me but because I "opened my mouth". Although she would really never have thought about hurting herself. Lesson learned!

That's truly the only reason I think I'm alive, because she was in the car. Not because she didn't want me dead.

 

[MissLisa]

That's truly the only reason I think I'm alive, because she was in the car. Not because she didn't want me dead.

I have been a guest in here awhile but thought I needed to make a profile to start to talk to people (something I'm bad at). I'm glad I did, it's nice to talk to people who feel and think the same. Some people are just nasty!

 

[IDontWantToBreathe]

I have been a guest in here awhile but thought I needed to make a profile to start to talk to people (something I'm bad at). I'm glad I did, it's nice to talk to people who feel and think the same. Some people are just nasty!

Well I'm glad you joined. You'll definitely find like-minded people here. Enjoy!

 

[lost illusions]

Full attempt no, I could have tried harder. Have things got better? In life no. how I looked at things, for a moment.

 

[akosineenee]

Suicidal since adolescence.

Edit: And now I'm in my late 20s. I was sold on the promise that it will get better. It didn't and I can't fool myself that eventually it will.

 

[Hanger]

I was 12 when I thought first about ahnging myself, with 20 I hanged myself but was saved after passing out. I hoped life would get better, but it only got worse