Anybody who has rare better moments think....

[nonamegirl]

That's when I need to kill myself? End it on a high so to say.

It's probably impossible to do so then, cause the survival instinct will be even stronger if you're feeling a bit better mentally, but to me it scares me shitless dying when I am at my worst mentally.......to think that that will be last feeling my consiousness will feel in my dying breath. It just turns my gut thinking about it.

Actually thats an aspect that has kept me from suicide so far I would say. I judt can't deal with that being my last memory/thought.

 

[SlackJim]

if I ctb it will be at my absolute lowest point in my life, I have been very low and not done it and I doubt anything less than rock bottom will make it happen. I can relate to the horrible feeling of the last moment of consciousness being so low, but anytime I'm even slightly better ctb is no longer at the front of my mind. take it easy x

 

[nonamegirl]

I think your right that we have to be at absolute rock bottom to be able to do it :( Damn survival instinct, DAMN IT!!

 

[yetme]

That's when I need to kill myself? End it on a high so to say.

It's probably impossible to do so then, cause the survival instinct will be even stronger if you're feeling a bit better mentally, but to me it scares me shitless dying when I am at my worst mentally.......to think that that will be last feeling my consiousness will feel in my dying breath. It just turns my gut thinking about it.

Actually thats an aspect that has kept me from suicide so far I would say. I judt can't deal with that being my last memory/thought.

I found that pregabalin helps with supressing survival instinct. It makes my suicide thoughts comforting.. It also gives you a little buzz lol).. I will definately take a few pills before I go

 

[nonamegirl]

I found that pregabalin helps with supressing survival instinct. It makes my suicide thoughts comforting.. It also gives you a little buzz lol).. I will definately take a few pills before I go

That's what my doctor want me to on. But I can't deal with more side effects, and tolerance building.

 

[yetme]

That's what my doctor want me to on. But I can't deal with more side effects, and tolerance building.

there will be no side effects or tolerance if you don't take it regulary. I pop a few pills every other day when my pain becomes unbearable. It doesn't help me with the pain much, but it least I can manage a few hours of sleep. anyways. let me know if you find anything better to deal with survival instinct. cheers!

 

[nonamegirl]

there will be no side effects or tolerance if you don't take it regulary. I pop a few pills every other day when my pain becomes unbearable. It doesn't help me with the pain much, but it least I can manage a few hours of sleep. anyways. let me know if you find anything better to deal with survival instinct. cheers!

Didnt know you could take it as pn (don't know if you know that term, but it's used in my country for medicine you can take only when you need it and not every day). I still don't like it, but it's a better option then taking it regularly.

 

[yetme]

Didnt know you could take it as pn (don't know if you know that term, but it's used in my country for medicine you can take only when you need it and not every day). I still don't like it, but it's a better option then taking it regularly.

yeah I was prescribed it for neurological pains. didn't help much. I still have 1 pack left and use it from time to time. I also tried weed, but it made me paranoid and focused on pain rather than relaxed.
I'm still looking for any meds to overcome pain and survival instinct. Gonna try opioids soon.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Oh sure. CTB is inevitable for me, it is just a matter of time before my life becomes untenable, and I would like to die with dignity before that happens.

Ending my life while I am in the middle of an acute crisis is not how I want to go, not only because dying while distressed sounds unpleasant but also because I would be more prone to fuck it up.

@MeltingHeart once said, "Choose to die well while you can; wait too long, and it might become impossible to do so."

 

[nonamegirl]

Oh sure. CTB is inevitable for me, it is just a matter of time before my life becomes untenable, and I would like to die with dignity before that happens.

Ending my life while I am in the middle of an acute crisis is not how I want to go, not only because dying while distressed sounds unpleasant but also because I would be more prone to fuck it up.

@MeltingHeart once said, "Choose to die well while you can; wait too long, and it might become impossible to do so."

Very true and food for thought what you wrote lastly. I also feel it is much easier to fuck up a suicide if your in an acute crisis (good word for that) cause ones thinking is way distorted then.

Mostt of all I just wish to reach an acceptance of my demise, choose a day, make it as nice a last day as possible.......make myself some good food, listen to some nice music. Then take N and lay down and die peacefully in full acceptance.

But I think I am way of from that :/ As much as I like to say I don't fear death, I probably very much do when facing it head on.

I wonder how those who get approved for euthanasia reach that full acceptance?? Even if they got people around and it's a safe enviroment and everything, they still ultimately have to drink the liquid that will end their life, and therefore override any SI. How do they do that? Maybe it's a bit easier if you have a terminal illness, I don't know. I've seen videos of euthansia performed and they look so peaceful and determined going into death. No panic. Maybe they are doped up with relaxers I don't know?

 

[TAW122]

Oh sure. CTB is inevitable for me, it is just a matter of time before my life becomes untenable, and I would like to die with dignity before that happens.

Ending my life while I am in the middle of an acute crisis is not how I want to go, not only because dying while distressed sounds unpleasant but also because I would be more prone to fuck it up.

@MeltingHeart once said, "Choose to die well while you can; wait too long, and it might become impossible to do so."

Same here, I know that (outside of rare exceptions like dying from other causes, sudden death) I will definitely die by my own hand when my life becomes beyond unbearable and all the right variables align at the right times. I don't know that if that time comes whether I would be in an acute crisis or not, but I would likely already be in the state of mind ready to CTB at short notice, only needing a catalyst to push me over the edge.

Also, what MeltingHeart said really makes sense, both figuratively and literally. If one waits until they become too disabled such as lacking the capacity (physical and mental) to carry out the attempt, then CTB would become impossible to execute.

 

[chris8000]

But I think I am way of from that :/ As much as I like to say I don't fear death, I probably very much do when facing it head on.
I wonder how those who get approved for euthanasia reach that full acceptance?? Even if they got people around and it's a safe enviroment and everything, they still ultimately have to drink the liquid that will end their life, and therefore override any SI. How do they do that? Maybe it's a bit easier if you have a terminal illness

I think it comes back to quality of life and what your faced with. There is some fear naturally associated with death because of the uncertainty of what comes after and it is not something we are naturally inclined towards because of our instincts, quite the opposite. But if your faced with a very poor quality of life because of severe chronic pain or something equally bad or worse, then it becomes pretty appealing and easier to accept. If it isn't that way for you and your having doubts about it, maybe that's telling you it isn't the best option right now.

 

[nonamegirl]

I think it comes back to quality of life and what your faced with. There is some fear naturally associated with death because of the uncertainty of what comes after and it is not something we are naturally inclined towards because of our instincts, quite the opposite. But if your faced with a very poor quality of life because of severe chronic pain or something equally bad or worse, then it becomes pretty appealing and easier to accept. If it isn't that way for you and your having doubts about it, maybe that's telling you it isn't the best option right now.

Youre post made me realize something. Maybe the people who get euthanised have had wonderful lifes before getting sick, having had a career, a family of their own, a love life at some point or even still maried. I think in some way it must be a bit more reassuring going to your death havind achieved something. Me, I havent had any of that. My life is so unfulfilled. I havent even experiences what it is like to have a partner or a very close friend. And everytime I come close to thinking "I'm gonna do it very soon (ctb)" then I can't accept that I'll have to go without having any achievement in life. I can't deal with that thought. "There has to be something more to it then this" I think. That's another (of many) thoughts that's holding me back.

And then, yeah my suffering probably isnt bad enough yet, even though I'd say it's pretty damn bad......to even think it has to become much worse for death to be appealing, phewwww, that is scary :/ But it probably is the harsh truth.