I had relapsed fully back into it, quit for some months but I was only sober not better. I don't have anything else to say. I'm embarrassed to still be here :( Eventually I think I will ctb but I can't seem to stick with the plan.
I have pretty low conscientiousness and ability for organization. Ever shifting mental states that just seem to make this harder than I anticipated. I so much envy all the people who can accept death and have the courage to trust that they won't fail. I have what I need but must identify how to get past the things blocking me from following through.
I truly don't have much to live for, you would think being an old sex worker would be humiliation enough. Knowing u aborted your kids and just lived a disaster life but apparently I need something more to push me over. I'm already in poverty so not in great shape financially. I do want to go it's so frustrating to still be hanging on like this.
I have pretty low conscientiousness and ability for organization. Ever shifting mental states that just seem to make this harder than I anticipated. I so much envy all the people who can accept death and have the courage to trust that they won't fail. I have what I need but must identify how to get past the things blocking me from following through.
I truly don't have much to live for, you would think being an old sex worker would be humiliation enough. Knowing u aborted your kids and just lived a disaster life but apparently I need something more to push me over. I'm already in poverty so not in great shape financially. I do want to go it's so frustrating to still be hanging on like this.
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