Anybody feel left out.

[Ashpac]

Im with my family and all I hear is what they plan to do next, what holiday they are going on, what job they fancy doing next.

Im just like ''hmm the only thing im planning is my death''

It makes me feel alienated tbh. It makes me not want to be around them.

Which is a shame because its my family.

Anyone else feel like that?

 

[FadedMemory]

Same. Everyone else is excited for holidays or birthdays or something else and the only thing I can think of is "This is my last holiday/birthday etc..." As a child I was one of those obnoxious happy kids who'd get on everyone's nerves with my enthusiasm and now I feel nothing at all.

 

[Ashpac]

Everyone is like I cant wait to be a mother/father or im dreading being a grandfather/grandmother.
Everyone is honestly planning their future, which is fine, but what annoys me is, they never seem to say or realise that they could die soon.
No one I know goes on like this. They take life for granted.
Then when i tell them, they should appreciate life more, and live like each day is your last, they look at me like im the crazy one ... WTF lol. Everyone i know seems to think they are gonna live until theyre 70-80.

Do they not realise the world we live in is evil and full of war and diseases? lol.
People annoy me when they refuse to see what the world really is and they would rather live in fantasy land.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

I'm blocked from talking to my family because I can't be open with them. They would never accept me wanting to die. Life is a party I can't enjoy anymore so I want to leave early. They'd ask me to stay a play charades or other party games I wouldn't enjoy. So it's hard to talk to them with this block stopping up my voice.

 

[Ashpac]

I'm blocked from talking to my family because I can't be open with them. They would never accept me wanting to die. Life is a party I can't enjoy anymore so I want to leave early. They'd ask me to stay a play charades or other party games I wouldn't enjoy. So it's hard to talk to them with this block stopping up my voice.

why cant you be open to them?

My family know i want to die, but im not allowed or should i say its best i dont talk about it with them.
Im like WTF, lets just talk about anything shall we? apart from the fact your son wants to die sure, lets ignore that shall we.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

I can't talk to them because what I need to talk about is suicide and how to commit it. That's a pressing need. It overshadows everything else. I wish they could see I need to die and we could set it up as a family and they'd just be with me and let me die. So it's also kind of like I'm a fan of the suicide show and they're not and so I can't talk to them. I know I'm a bad person and this is an insane way to think but that's how I feel. I'm glad you can talk to your family.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

What blocks my talk is my nature, my inner psychological constitution. I'm also afraid that it would slip out if I talked to them at all. I'm worse that you are so please don't feel I'm judging you. I hope you don't feel this way.

 

[Ashpac]

I can't talk to them because what I need to talk about is suicide and how to commit it. That's a pressing need. It overshadows everything else. I wish they could see I need to die and we could set it up as a family and they'd just be with me and let me die. So it's also kind of like I'm a fan of the suicide show and they're not and so I can't talk to them. I know I'm a bad person and this is an insane way to think but that's how I feel. I'm glad you can talk to your family.

I might be able to talk to my family but I had to have many hours of discussions to make them see sense and why I need to die.
It came with alot of tears and shitty quotes on their behalf.

In the end, now they support me.

What im tryna say is maybe your family could get on board like mine did, you just have to make that step and be prepared for the long serious discussions i had to go through.

They might understand your reasons.

I have no quality of life, so maybe thats why my parents understand my reasons more.

I dont know if you have a good quality of life or not.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

I should have a quality life and they believe in my ability to have a quality life but I'm convinced I can't make my life a quality life. If I mentioned that I was suicidal they would have me taken into an institution and I'd loose my chance to die.

 

[Ashpac]

I should have a quality life and they believe in my ability to have a quality life but I'm convinced I can't make my life a quality life. If I mentioned that I was suicidal they would have me taken into an institution and I'd loose my chance to die.

I understand. That sucks.
I guess you have to keep it a secret and plan your death.
Everyone needs someone to talk too about planning their death.
You can PM me anytime.

 

[Roulette]

Yeah, maybe more of a feeling like being left behind. I don't think I'll ever catch up to anyone my age nor is there any support to help elevate that.

 

[Ashpac]

Yeah, maybe more of a feeling like being left behind. I don't think I'll ever catch up to anyone my age nor is there any support to help elevate that.

Do any of your family or friends know you want to die?

 

[frank630]

Im with my family and all I hear is what they plan to do next, what holiday they are going on, what job they fancy doing next.

Im just like ''hmm the only thing im planning is my death''

It makes me feel alienated tbh. It makes me not want to be around them.

Which is a shame because its my family.

Anyone else feel like that?

Well mine is different, they don't plan and are just contented. They just let life throw anything at them while I was the type that plans not because I assume to live a long life but to be ready when unexpected things happen.

I thought I could change the way they think but no. I tried talking to them calmly and explaining to them. No effect.

Now, I constantly feel left out.

 

[frank630]

Same. Everyone else is excited for holidays or birthdays or something else and the only thing I can think of is "This is my last holiday/birthday etc..." As a child I was one of those obnoxious happy kids who'd get on everyone's nerves with my enthusiasm and now I feel nothing at all.

I remember when I was in preparatory school, I was like that until reality hit me.

 

[Roulette]

Do any of your family or friends know you want to die?

Nah, it's not something I can bring myself to talk about. Not even to my online friends. Ignorance is bliss, yeah?

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Yeah, I used to draw when I was a kid, I was good at it to, but then I had to try to become a musician and that started a flow of all kinds of lies in my life. If only I could have just been myself and not tried to become something I wasn't. Now what I should find beautiful is just ugly to me.

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

When you screw yourself up like that it should be obvious to anyone who sees you that you're a scribbled on piece of paper that should be crumpled up and thrown out with the trash.

 

[bigj75]

yes. I remember not being depressed making plans like that were so fun.

 

[Unsure girl]

Im with my family and all I hear is what they plan to do next, what holiday they are going on, what job they fancy doing next.

Im just like ''hmm the only thing im planning is my death''

It makes me feel alienated tbh. It makes me not want to be around them.

Which is a shame because its my family.

Anyone else feel like that?

All the time

 

[solacely]

Yep. Everyone my age is making plans for college and I'm making plans for suicide.

 

[Ashpac]

I dont mean this nastily but Im glad im not the only one.

 

[Final Escape]

Im with my family and all I hear is what they plan to do next, what holiday they are going on, what job they fancy doing next.

Im just like ''hmm the only thing im planning is my death''

It makes me feel alienated tbh. It makes me not want to be around them.

Which is a shame because its my family.

Anyone else feel like that?

I feel alienated from just about everything, and don't speak to any of my family. I understand how some of those homeless people get lost and cut off from being connected. It's like a gradual process but not for everyone. I'm not speaking for everyone who's homeless but more about the people who gradually slide into that level of despair where you can't participate anymore and u simply don't care. You stop trying.

 

[Final Escape]

Yep. Everyone my age is making plans for college and I'm making plans for suicide.

Don't worry when the majority of them realize they can't find a job or went for worthless degrees leaving them with nothing but student loan debt. They will be planning their suicides too.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

Im with my family and all I hear is what they plan to do next, what holiday they are going on, what job they fancy doing next.

Im just like ''hmm the only thing im planning is my death''

It makes me feel alienated tbh. It makes me not want to be around them.

Which is a shame because its my family.

Anyone else feel like that?

I feel the same way but for me it's for friends not family. I'm starting to isolate myself from most of my friends.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

I'm thankful that I still have a couple friends that seem to give a shit about me.

 

[windingdown]

I dont mean this nastily but Im glad im not the only one.

I can appreciate that sentiment.

 

[windingdown]

I think for me it's just wondering how others (family members especially) can feel content with the content of their lives. It seems so simplistic, boring, and empty to me. But I used to be enthralled with the content of my life, so I appreciate that different people are in different places at different times.

And I envy those who can remain enthralled with life, or even just quite interested in it, year after year. I would prefer to live out a normal life, like them, if only I could hack it.