Anybody else want to ctb over financial reasons?

[RedDEE]

Here I am again. My last thread I said would be my last post ever, but here I still am. Sigh.

My primary problem right now is that I'm living with my sister, and she expects me to pay her $200 this month for rent. I've spent my entire stimulus check now mostly giving her money, and my sister says she's gonna kick me out if I don't give it to her.

I was so happy because 2 weeks ago Trump said we would get another stimulus check soon. Now it's looking like we might not even get one at all or never.

I haven't been able to find another job because I live in a rural area and places aren't hiring because of this goddamn pandemic. I just feel like a useless piece of shit because I can't even keep a roof over my head. There's a railroad track nearby but I'm always hyping myself up and always failing last minute. I'm also thinking about just walking into the woods and starving myself to death.

Anyone else feel the same?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I'm too young for such worries, but ultimately yes. If money and resources weren't a problem I knew I would have to face there would be no time pressure to manage my life at any pace or with any consistency. The fact that I need to do certain things just to be able to live eventually means I can't just fail as much as I like and get back up again.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Exactly this being one reason. The thought of having my home and personal items taken away with me being sent living on the street, homeless... A lifetime of nightmares!

 

[the box is empty]

Here I am again. My last thread I said would be my last post ever, but here I still am. Sigh.

Please don't feel ashamed about this. I'm glad you're still here.

But yeah, it's a shitty system that keeps you down and denies you resources. Granted, I don't live in the U.S. but I can only imagine the difficulties of getting help over there.

 

[glittergore]

Partly. I have no desire to be apart of the rat rice, to devote 40+ hours a week just so I make enough money to live. It's so draining and cruel. Constantly having to worry about money feels traumatic. If I had a large sum of money it wouldn't resolve all my suicidal feelings, but it would help.

 

[Aeathelina]

I'm in the same spot. No real place to live and currently living my sister too and her girlfriend & boyfriend. Cannot get a job due to not having any skills nor a car and disabled so no use in warehouse jobs. I've basically been homeless and carry around what I have in bags. I'm working on dying of something but I don't know yet. And I'm starving myself to make it much easier to end it or end up in a psych ward.

 

[KinicH Knesc]

I live with a friend, after my grandfather died, my financial situation became difficult.
I never met my father or mother.
I don't like to give problems to my friend who has offered me a roof for years.
My financial life is difficult and I never got a job.
But soon I will go to the mountains to disappear, because I can't take this situation anymore.
CTB in the mountains with SN,so that no one can find my body.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm also in America. Trump is only giving more money to business. That's all I'll say about trump lol

 

[TowerUpright]

Remember that any form of Stimulus has to go through both chambers of Congress and signed by the President (not counting vetos). Don't expect a stimulus unless Pelosi, McConnell, and Trump are all talking about it.

 

[Bct]

Sort of. While I'm glad my recent debt had been paid, since now I'm unemployed I don't know if I can get a job & hold it well, partly due to my lack of marketable skills & being anxious and easily stressed. The future is bleak for me.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I live with a friend, after my grandfather died, my financial situation became difficult.
I never met my father or mother.
I don't like to give problems to my friend who has offered me a roof for years.
My financial life is difficult and I never got a job.
But soon I will go to the mountains to disappear, because I can't take this situation anymore.
CTB in the mountains with SN,so that no one can find my body.

Soon I'll disappear in the wilderness as well. I'm thinking of H overdose if I can get it, or SN if that fails. Or maybe just bring a rope and hang myself in the empty wild where scavengers can fight over the scraps. I don't want to be found for many reasons.

 

[TAW122]

I used to have this reason during various times in my life, but even as now (while not in any financial straits or imminent risk of homelessness), I'd still have reasons, philosophical and personal ones for wanting to CTB. I suppose if at any time in the future I am faced with imminent risk of homelessness and without reasonable assurance that I'd make it through the rough patch, I'd certainly CTB because of other reasons as well.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

I just got hit with a huge debt I wasn't expecting (like anybody ever does). I already have wanted to ctb so much even before this. I don't want to be in the mire I've been stuck in so long and now this. Life, as I know it, is not worth living. I can't take this anymore.

 

[CSSLAVE]

I just got hit with a huge debt I wasn't expecting (like anybody ever does). I already have wanted to ctb so much even before this. I don't want to be in the mire I've been stuck in so long and now this. Life, as I know it, is not worth living. I can't take this anymore.

My situation too. Have you researched a method yet?

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

My situation too. Have you researched a method yet?

Yea I ordered my SN last week. Sounds like the best method to me.

 

[BPD Barbie]

This is becoming one of my main reasons. I've been ruled out of being able to work but I'm £13k in debt thanks to undiagnosed bipolar and living on welfare from the government.

 

[CSSLAVE]

Yea I ordered my SN last week. Sounds like the best method to me.

Good. I am still researching a method to be an "accident." SWB was a hot topic for a bit, then all discussion about it died.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Good. I am still researching a method to be an "accident." SWB was a hot topic for a bit, then all discussion about it died.

Oh how I would love to have it look like an accident.

 

[Unlucked]

Yes, there is a surgery that I really wanted to have but its unlikely ill be able to get it, and it would have significantly improved my quality of life.

 

[Wayfaerer]

that's reason #5 or 6 for me.

 

[andresantosfx]

That's my main reason. I've never really enjoyed life, but at least I used to have enough money to live alone and travel a little bit, but now, due to the pandemic, things are getting really bad and I really don't see the point of asking my family for money and go in debt just to live a life that I don't even like.

 

[Anthagonos]

Partly. I have no desire to be apart of the rat rice, to devote 40+ hours a week just so I make enough money to live. It's so draining and cruel. Constantly having to worry about money feels traumatic. If I had a large sum of money it wouldn't resolve all my suicidal feelings, but it would help.

The same here.

That's my main reason. I've never really enjoyed life, but at least I used to have enough money to live alone and travel a little bit, but now, due to the pandemic, things are getting really bad and I really don't see the point of asking my family for money and go in debt just to live a life that I don't even like.

Money gives a lot of freedom.
If I would have a good amount of money lots of my suicidal thoughts will disappear.
Actually Im working 40 week to get a check, so you dont have enought money and enought time to enjoy life. I dont want to live that life year after year. Some people feel ok about that, me not.

 

[lymbo]

actually the global statistics about what the most common reason for people to ctb is said to be financial problems, thats why during economic crysis the ctb among the community skyrocket

 

[BitterlyAlive]

That's part of it, yes. My current issues are temporary and really could be fixed if I could stop being so sick and was able to get a better job. But because I am the way I am, it can't be helped and my situation is only going to get worse.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

It's a factor for me. I'm so dysfunctional with mental and physical health issues that I am out on disability, so I'm not living high on the hog, but I have a safety net and a large inheritance coming most likely in the near future.

Going out on disability last year was the spark for me to seek CTB information. With the passing of time, I've accepted my disability situation better, but still conclude it's a question of when, not if.