Anybody else still here solely because of who they'd hurt if they ctb?

[ef99]

I've been on the fence the past couple days with catching the bus but the only thing stopping me right now is how much I'd hurt my family. My friends would get over me quick enough but I fear that my family would never be able to move on from me.

Anybody else currently feeling this way and is preventing them from ctb?

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

I hurt everyone I really don't care anymore but I don't want to even say that because that's not necessarily true. I'm here to kind of just relax. I went through a whole epsidoe which I will not divulge on here because it's exhausting and only BECAUSE of trying to kill myself ironically but I'm kind of just trying to chill here for a bit and see if I do a little thing. And then kill myself or something.

They're all mad, they never treated me right, i never treated them right, they can die however they want. just leave me alone and let me relax for 5 seconds. I'm tried of being rushed.

 

[Hollowman]

Yep, it's the only reason I'm still breathing.

 

[Claymore7274]

Yeah i don't really want my mom to find me, just hoping someone else does

 

[Theresnoescape]

Yep, I wish I could die a natural death right now. At least they would grieve in a normal way then. It's the only thing stopping me.

 

[ef99]

Yep, I wish I could die a natural death right now. At least they would grieve in a normal way then. It's the only thing stopping me.

I was literally having this thought driving around today, hope you find relief, friend

 

[Theresnoescape]

I was literally having this thought driving around today, hope you find relief, friend

Thanks, you too.

 

[torturedmind]

Yes. It's so hard because the way I'm living is hurting my family, and I feel unable to change. No energy or motivation to do so. Unfortunately, my unexpected and self chosen death would only hurt them more than my current living condition is hurting them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes. Holding on purely so that it doesn't hurt my Dad. I'm so tired though.

 

[Spite]

Pretty much. I don't want to hurt my mum. I know she would be devastated if I checked out early.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

yeah. only thing keeping me here is that i don't think my mom and sisters would recover. but idk if three people being hurt can keep me around forever.

 

[Unlucky777]

I feel the same way about my family.

I wish I would die in an accident. Like I never wear my seat belt in hopes I get into a fatal car accident. I see so many fatal accidents here in NJ but unfortunately none happened to me as of yet. I just want life to be over

 

[ICantFixThis]

yeah, if I CTB I'm pretty sure several of the people I know would become very suicidal. My friends and mom live on that edge, barely hanging on to life. I don't want to be here but I really don't want to take the people I care about with me. Yeah its probably hypocritical to say that, but its how I feel.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

For me the only one keeping me here is my partner of 10+ years. I honestly don't care how it would impact my family, but I feel I couldn't do that to him. There have been times I'm resentful of him for "keeping" me here. There have been many times that I've tried to push him away.

I feel certain that as soon as he goes or our relationship is over I'll ctb. I feel like I'm going through the motions and barely staying afloat. I know I should live my life for others, but I feel that's all I have left.

 

[lastsunset]

Yes. It's so hard because the way I'm living is hurting my family, and I feel unable to change. No energy or motivation to do so. Unfortunately, my unexpected and self chosen death would only hurt them more than my current living condition is hurting them.

Same thing for me. It's such a mind numbing thought loop which one is better. At least for me

 

[kuroshimi]

That's the one of the main reasons why I am still here.

I told my mum about my attempt after a while and she was very, very upset. It's very clearly etched in my brain. I'm afraid to imagine what will happen after my death.