Discussion Anybody else have this issue with major anxiety?

[Obliviate]

So I'm a humanitarian/empath and social justice advocate meaning a lot of my social media and time is spent on looking at cases/people's horrific experiences. But I also have chronic anxiety and panic disorder. Every time I go on tik tok or twitter it's filled with just evil sad depressing things people are going through/news or animal abuse/neglect and I literally cry each and every time. It gives me major anxiety and then I can't focus on daily tasks. I also am now very cautious and afraid to leave the house/be social/interact with people in fear of being attacked/raped/murdered cuz ya'll, it's increasingly getting nasty out here. Also I just don't wanna talk to humans. Most of them are so fucking gross. Even though I can be a raging bitch and am always ready to fight/defend myself. Also when I come on to this platform, even though I really enjoy it here, it also gives me anxiety and reminds me that my CTB date is soon and I read all of your experiences which again hurts my soul.

But the thing is, doing this keeps me in touch with reality so that I don't get lost in the one of those "good" days filled with false hope. It keeps me grounded and on track for CTB. I need to be reminded of evil but it gets me so overwhelmed and as an empath I literally can absorb their energy and pain which breaks my heart. I also have ADHD so it's easy to get hyperfixated on something. I also suffer from major PTSD and it triggers back some of my own horrible memories and traumas and traumatizes the shit out of me even more. If you're an advocate or just a good person with a pure heart, how do you get past this? How do you just ignore these things and go on about your daily lives? Just casually go back to work/school? How do you live knowing someone else didn't get a chance to? It hurts so much. It makes me angry.

I keep making a deal saying ok until your close to CTBing, no more looking at depressing things that will give you panic attacks, instead look at funny memes/videos obviously focus on finishing college/find a job basically distract myself so I'm not having panic attacks every 10 mins. But as a human being it's an innate reaction/reflex to wanna survive after having a decent day. That SI is a bitch. Going on tik tok/insta wanting to find funny videos would have this urge inside to just scroll and find a depressing video and I just keep scrolling remembering I promised that I wouldn't do this but it just happens and I SAVE each post and video so that when I need reminding that hey remember this is a shitty world and you don't wanna live in it......just look at the proof.....

Anyone else feel extremely guilty when their having an ok time? Like watching funny youtube videos/ watching movies/shows/looking at memes/literally being normal; Like even me typing this and having the privilege to type and be here while other people are literally being murdered/homeless/starving just gives me the chills and makes me feel so guilty. I even have a peaceful CTB method. Like why is this my life and that theirs? (even though my life is pretty fucking shitty but I still have basic necessities) I understand that we shouldn't just stop living or give up our lives because someone else is hurt since we can only do so much as average humans but still people out there need us. They need to be heard. Hell, most of those people are us. I feel so helpless.
I think because I've been hurt so much I hate seeing others in pain because I know the feeling(unless you deserve it then fuck you for sure)
I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having basic things because I know that I deserve the world and so much more but it just isn't in my cards. I would say it's ok but it's not.

I keep reminding myself that I am mentally ill and shouldn't keep doing this to myself because it's just eating me alive/degrading my mental and physical health. I'm trying really hard to not do it but I always say "The moment you turn a blind eye to the horrors of the world, you lose a sense of reality and humanity"-Obliviate

But one thing I am happy to see is that on those videos/experiences there ARE people that are fighting for them doing even more to help and you have to be pretty stable to do that so I tell myself, hey do what you can handle, these other amazing people who actually have resources and privilege are helping out.

Btw this post is ONLY for those people that actually give a fuck about others and aren't privileged little selfish pricks who say things like "Well it's not my life why should I care?" or "Well it's not my problem" literally choke.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I don't really watch the type of videos that you have described above but I have definitely read posts and other things online that have sent me into pretty bad emotional fits and I'm probably doing it for the same reasons as you, I feel like I don't want to be tricked by the good days the world gives me and in some way I am protecting myself or warding myself off from potential emotional dangers. I wish I could offer a solution, but nothing is coming to mind other than the fact that maybe we all should stay off of social media for awhile to 'detox' - it is certainly no good, all of this damage we are doing to ourselves.

 

[Obliviate]

I don't really watch the type of videos that you have described above but I have definitely read posts and other things online that have sent me into pretty bad emotional fits and I'm probably doing it for the same reasons as you, I feel like I don't want to be tricked by the good days the world gives me and in some way I am protecting myself or warding myself off from potential emotional dangers. I wish I could offer a solution, but nothing is coming to mind other than the fact that maybe we all should stay off of social media for awhile to 'detox' - it is certainly no good, all of this damage we are doing to ourselves.

Yeah definitely. I limit myself to SS now but it's also like I don't wanna miss a goodbye thread from one of you. I definitely am gonna have to learn some more self control on my social media content and just save it all for a couple days prior to CTB.

 

[crimson blue]

Sometimes I see videos on youtube that i think are similar to what you describe, I try to avoid tik tok and twitter as much as I can because I don't like what they generate in me. I don't know if there will be a solution but my head constantly wants to know if there is one.

 

[Obliviate]

Sometimes I see videos on youtube that i think are similar to what you describe, I try to avoid tik tok and twitter as much as I can because I don't like what they generate in me. I don't know if there will be a solution but my head constantly wants to know if there is one.

I get it. I'm trying to restrict myself now because I notice it taking a toll on my health.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I deleted all my social media accounts
Actually the only good thing I am doing is isolate myself from the world. I am making a pretty good job. Sometimes I event put my phone on airplane mode and nobody cares or call

 

[lionetta12]

So I'm a humanitarian/empath and social justice advocate meaning a lot of my social media and time is spent on looking at cases/people's horrific experiences. But I also have chronic anxiety and panic disorder. Every time I go on tik tok or twitter it's filled with just evil sad depressing things people are going through/news or animal abuse/neglect and I literally cry each and every time. It gives me major anxiety and then I can't focus on daily tasks. I also am now very cautious and afraid to leave the house/be social/interact with people in fear of being attacked/raped/murdered cuz ya'll, it's increasingly getting nasty out here. Also I just don't wanna talk to humans. Most of them are so fucking gross. Even though I can be a raging bitch and am always ready to fight/defend myself. Also when I come on to this platform, even though I really enjoy it here, it also gives me anxiety and reminds me that my CTB date is soon and I read all of your experiences which again hurts my soul.

But the thing is, doing this keeps me in touch with reality so that I don't get lost in the one of those "good" days filled with false hope. It keeps me grounded and on track for CTB. I need to be reminded of evil but it gets me so overwhelmed and as an empath I literally can absorb their energy and pain which breaks my heart. I also have ADHD so it's easy to get hyperfixated on something. I also suffer from major PTSD and it triggers back some of my own horrible memories and traumas and traumatizes the shit out of me even more. If you're an advocate or just a good person with a pure heart, how do you get past this? How do you just ignore these things and go on about your daily lives? Just casually go back to work/school? How do you live knowing someone else didn't get a chance to? It hurts so much. It makes me angry.

I keep making a deal saying ok until your close to CTBing, no more looking at depressing things that will give you panic attacks, instead look at funny memes/videos obviously focus on finishing college/find a job basically distract myself so I'm not having panic attacks every 10 mins. But as a human being it's an innate reaction/reflex to wanna survive after having a decent day. That SI is a bitch. Going on tik tok/insta wanting to find funny videos would have this urge inside to just scroll and find a depressing video and I just keep scrolling remembering I promised that I wouldn't do this but it just happens and I SAVE each post and video so that when I need reminding that hey remember this is a shitty world and you don't wanna live in it......just look at the proof.....

Anyone else feel extremely guilty when their having an ok time? Like watching funny youtube videos/ watching movies/shows/looking at memes/literally being normal; Like even me typing this and having the privilege to type and be here while other people are literally being murdered/homeless/starving just gives me the chills and makes me feel so guilty. I even have a peaceful CTB method. Like why is this my life and that theirs? (even though my life is pretty fucking shitty but I still have basic necessities) I understand that we shouldn't just stop living or give up our lives because someone else is hurt since we can only do so much as average humans but still people out there need us. They need to be heard. Hell, most of those people are us. I feel so helpless.
I think because I've been hurt so much I hate seeing others in pain because I know the feeling(unless you deserve it then fuck you for sure)
I shouldn't have to feel guilty for having basic things because I know that I deserve the world and so much more but it just isn't in my cards. I would say it's ok but it's not.

I keep reminding myself that I am mentally ill and shouldn't keep doing this to myself because it's just eating me alive/degrading my mental and physical health. I'm trying really hard to not do it but I always say "The moment you turn a blind eye to the horrors of the world, you lose a sense of reality and humanity"-Obliviate

But one thing I am happy to see is that on those videos/experiences there ARE people that are fighting for them doing even more to help and you have to be pretty stable to do that so I tell myself, hey do what you can handle, these other amazing people who actually have resources and privilege are helping out.

Btw this post is ONLY for those people that actually give a fuck about others and aren't privileged little selfish pricks who say things like "Well it's not my life why should I care?" or "Well it's not my problem" literally choke.

I feel a lot of guilt when I do anything that makes me feel happy. I feel bad about it and like I don't deserve it. Because that's what I'm used to being told and to live in a state of depression for so long where nothing gives me joy, and if it does I just feel bad the entire time.

 

[Obliviate]

Anyone else?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Anxiety ruined my life. Stopped me from pursuing opportunities professionally, socially and romantically. Made me drop out of university. Kept me at home, sapped my will to live. And ultimately destroyed both my body and my mind. It's taken everything from me.

A "good" day for me is where I get to do nothing, because I'm not triggered or forced to exert myself in any way. I don't feel guilty about having a laugh online or something, because I don't confuse that with what I really have going on, underneath it all. It's like how I fuck around on SS all the time. Those who don't know me might think I'm alright based on that, but I'm so far from it it's unreal.

 

[Obliviate]

Anxiety ruined my life. Stopped me from pursuing opportunities professionally, socially and romantically. Made me drop out of university. Kept me at home, sapped my will to live. And ultimately destroyed both my body and my mind. It's taken everything from me.

A "good" day for me is where I get to do nothing, because I'm not triggered or forced to exert myself in any way. I don't feel guilty about having a laugh online or something, because I don't confuse that with what I really have going on, underneath it all. It's like how I fuck around on SS all the time. Those who don't know me might think I'm alright based on that, but I'm so far from it it's unreal.

Same. Anxiety is preventing me from becoming a doctor because of all the horrible bullshit involved BUT we can't blame ourselves since it is society and this world that induced this anxiety.

 

[noname223]

I can relate very much I am so fucking anxious all the time. For me the anxiety is the lowest on free days. But I have so much OCD so that I barely have free days. It tortures me on a daily basis. Though I don't want to stop because my OCD would only get worse. I try to find a balance between the responsibilities OCD demands from me and trying to relax in order not to become manic again. It is a living hell.

 

[Obliviate]

I can relate very much I am so fucking anxious all the time. For me the anxiety is the lowest on free days. But I have so much OCD so that I barely have free days. It tortures me on a daily basis. Though I don't want to stop because my OCD would only get worse. I try to find a balance between the responsibilities OCD demands from me and trying to relax in order not to become manic again. It is a living hell.

It's so hard when you're already traumatized and then on top you have disabilities and on top you have to deal with horrible disgusting people.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose I've always thought- if watching these things makes you do something- like- give to charity, sign a petition, volunteer, become a vegetarian, recycle more- then great. I also think being informed is probably a good thing. (Which I'm really not- afraid I do stick my head in the sand a lot...) It's also a beautiful thing to be an empath- to care that much. Still- if all you are doing is traumatising yourself- how is that helping anyone? I suppose if you are traumatising yourself alongside doing practical things to help- maybe that's good (although not so much for you! Plus, you'll likely burnout in time.) Still, I think we all know when we are being sucked into those pits of despair and what things we really ought to avoid at those times.

I think you have to almost feel strong enough to change the things you probably ought to change before watching these things. Watching 'The Final Race' gave me the final push I needed to go vegetarian. (Yes- I know it doesn't make much difference and I'm hurting animals in other ways- but I feel at least slightly better that I'm hurting less of them...)

I think the problem can be when you watch TOO many things that you can't really change- war, corruption, serial killers, mass exploitation, worldwide pollution. You just end up feeling miserable and helpless.

This actually reminds me of that thread- 'how much do you like/love your country.' I was thinking about this just last night. I'm from the UK and in my heart- I am actually very patriotic. Of course- then you start watching documentaries and find out how disgustingly corrupt it (likely) is. Seems like so much dirty money gets laundered here. Plus, we have the disgusting history of the British Empire and inventing the concentration camp. There's actually a part of me that wishes I didn't know all that stuff. Everything just feels tainted now.

Honestly though- I don't feel guilty about distracting myself. I think- especially if you are a more empathetic person, you can saturate yourself in tragedy whereby it just overwhelmes you and you can't do anything. Bad things are sadly going to happen- whether you know about them or not. Plus, you knowing about them may make no difference to the person/animal suffering- especially if you can't do much to help them.

 

[Sakura94]

I'm anxious 24/7 nearly. I don't even read the stories. My mind is way too active.

 

[Obliviate]

I suppose I've always thought- if watching these things makes you do something- like- give to charity, sign a petition, volunteer, become a vegetarian, recycle more- then great. I also think being informed is probably a good thing. (Which I'm really not- afraid I do stick my head in the sand a lot...) It's also a beautiful thing to be an empath- to care that much. Still- if all you are doing is traumatising yourself- how is that helping anyone? I suppose if you are traumatising yourself alongside doing practical things to help- maybe that's good (although not so much for you! Plus, you'll likely burnout in time.) Still, I think we all know when we are being sucked into those pits of despair and what things we really ought to avoid at those times.

I think you have to almost feel strong enough to change the things you probably ought to change before watching these things. Watching 'The Final Race' gave me the final push I needed to go vegetarian. (Yes- I know it doesn't make much difference and I'm hurting animals in other ways- but I feel at least slightly better that I'm hurting less of them...)

I think the problem can be when you watch TOO many things that you can't really change- war, corruption, serial killers, mass exploitation, worldwide pollution. You just end up feeling miserable and helpless.

This actually reminds me of that thread- 'how much do you like/love your country.' I was thinking about this just last night. I'm from the UK and in my heart- I am actually very patriotic. Of course- then you start watching documentaries and find out how disgustingly corrupt it (likely) is. Seems like so much dirty money gets laundered here. Plus, we have the disgusting history of the British Empire and inventing the concentration camp. There's actually a part of me that wishes I didn't know all that stuff. Everything just feels tainted now.

Honestly though- I don't feel guilty about distracting myself. I think- especially if you are a more empathetic person, you can saturate yourself in tragedy whereby it just overwhelmes you and you can't do anything. Bad things are sadly going to happen- whether you know about them or not. Plus, you knowing about them may make no difference to the person/animal suffering- especially if you can't do much to help them.

Exactly this. I am a vegan because I watched a the disgusting videos did some deep research and immediately was crying about how all of the animal abuse is hidden from us.

I am a very empathic person and watching these things tortures my heart so I decided to put a limit on these things so my head/heart doesn't explode but it's still so important to come back once in a while to see what the monstrosities are because again you don't want to turn a blind eye to this world, you have to be informed but rn I'm so traumatized by so many things going on in my own life I skip over if any of these pop up now unless I have the emotional capability of it. Noone ever gave a ufck about me so that's why I have a sense of justice for someone who is in a defenseless position

That's the thing, bad things will always happen, there's no way to end it so why not just end my life? It will take away all the problems I'm personally suffering and all the world problems that will inflict upon me. t sucks because we need more good people like me in the world but we are getting engulfed by evil

I'm anxious 24/7 nearly. I don't even read the stories. My mind is way too active.

LOL literally. I have legit panic attacks so I have to take a breather

 

[vultureilse]

i get it, watching and reading about people being cruel in any way makes me feel so fucking awful. once i start looking at this type of stuff i cant stop even though i know how much stress and anxiety it causes me

ill look at videos about various tragic events, innocent people getting hurt, wars, murders, other crimes and feel so fucking bad. i just dont get how some people are able to hurt others in these ways

i tend to think a lot about how to some degree every person is awful. like how even the kindest people would be capable of doing cruel things if you pushed them hard enough by putting them in some very extreme situation. and it really activates my fear and disgust of people. sometimes i get so disgusted with humanity and this world as a whole it makes me want to just completely isolate myself and never interact with anyone ever again

stopping looking at awful things helps but thats often easier said than done lmao