Omg ure still around? I Liked your posts. it's good to see u again. Can't u go outside ever? What is your situation again? This sounds awful I'm sorry :( can u explain what happened where it became so closed off to everything?
Yeah, I ended up drifting away from this site for a long time and only just came back recently. I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my posts. Unfortunately, nothing really changed that much for for me in-between, but I did manage to accomplish a couple small things for myself. Overall however, I'm still pretty much stuck where I'm at. I still get outside from time to time with my mother accompanying me, but I could never do so alone. As for how I got in this position, well that's a damn long story. All I can say is that for very nearly the last 15 years, I haven't done anything on my own. I haven't talked to anyone, I haven't gone anywhere without one, or both, of my parents around, and ultimately I've really just hung around my house like a literal ghost for 99% of the duration. I was born with a very frail heart (not in a literal sense mind you, just that I'm very emotionally fragile) and a complete inability to form any sort of connective relationships to other people.
Quick version of my shitty life would be the following. I suffered a nervous breakdown when I entered the sixth grade, was pulled out of school for a short time, went to see a few therapists, finished sixth grade at the school board with a special tutor, reattended normal classes with other kids at the start of middle school with the help/emotional support of an EA (educational assistant), from the seventh to eighth grade I sort of pinballed around between the normal classroom and a separate area where I could relax and take my school work separately, still saw many therapists during this time and beyond, eventually I started highschool and for the first semester I was able to function like a normal human being without any outside assistance, second semester started and everything went to shit, had to stop attending school out of anxiety again, started going to the local library with a tutor and only barely finished the ninth grade in this fashion, the summer came and I got a brief job at a video store (back when those still existed) but quit after a few weeks, when the summer was over and school started again I never went back, decided to just drop out of life altogether and flush everything down the toilet. Nearly 15 years later and here I am. Every year has been just as stagnant and empty as the last. I have no online or IRL friends. All I have at this point is my mother and this forum. That's it.
I'm getting older too fast. It's already March! I feel as if Christmas had been yesterday!
Yes, same here. I've always found it funny how the phrase, "Don't live too fast" applies just as equally to an isolated hermit such as myself. Even though I do nothing, time feels likes it's constantly on fast forward. Without anything to distinguish the various points or years in my life, it all just blends together into a senseless blur. My days are so worthlessly uneventful that my brain doesn't even register their presence anymore. Time just keeps speeding up for me even though I'm doing nothing, but literally standing still the whole time. I'm pretty sure Vsauce once made a video about this. If the brain doesn't have novel experiences then this greatly inhibits the process of neurogenesis. Without neurogenesis and the formation of distinctive and meaningful memories, then the scale of one's life will only begin to resemble a great big blob of nothing, thereby making it appear as if time keeps moving faster. Remember how when you were a kid and each year seemed so long in comparison to now? That's because as you live longer each proceeding year means less than it did when you were younger on account of your experiences. Unless someone has new experiences, then this process of negative time dilation is only compounded. For someone like me, it's like my life is playing at 10x the speed it ought to because I've done nothing, but stagnate for the past 15 years.
