Any here who Love Jesus & are so torn inside about wanting to ‘ctb?’

[dibbydoo]

I've had many spiritual experiences in my life, most of them very bad & have suffered from severe demonic oppression, & spiritual warfare. I've seen 2 angels in my life, and even Jesus walked beside me at one moment in my life when I was crushed & wiped a tear from my cheek in a very moving experience.

So, I am so terribly torn about 'ctb' - because I want to go home to be with Him, & yet I know it's definitely not what He wants me to do!

Sadly, I've just reached a point where I have given up, a life of severe depression, self-harm, OCD, Highly Sensitive & gender dysphoria have swept through my life like a wild fire

Are there any other members here who Love Jesus & have the same conflict inside them?

(and no, I'm not 'religious' - I just Love God with all my heart)

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Yes, I am a Christian and I do love Jesus myself. I completely understand the inner conflict over ctb and that spiritual warfare is real. In my own case I know there are possibly a few demons involved in encouraging me to kill myself. They are rooting that I will be taken out of action in Gods kingdom so that I will no longer live a life of service to the Almighty. Despite my suffering and desire for death i also know god isn't done with me yet personally, the devil would love to rob God of my function and purpose in this world. I don't believe suicide is the worst sin by any means, I think under certain circumstances it is viewed by God as being understandable. Nor do I think that death by suicide causes one to lose their salvation, read Romans 8:38. Nothing can separate us from Gods love and mercy, not even a death by suicide can ruin Gods love for us. All the best.

 

[Blutsager]

When our Lord was nailed to the cross, after 3 days of suffering, he... begged for death. And a man felt sorrow for him, and this roman soldier proceeded to stab him with his spear and kill Jesus. That man was Longinus. He had commited a sin, the horrible sin of murder, and he murdered our Messiah no less!. And yet, he was not punished with damnation, but rather ascended to the Heavens to become a saint.

Our Lord begged for death. If he found death an acceptable way out, and that who gave him his relief is now a saint, this is proof enough that when nailed to a cross, desiring death is not a sin, but it is what it should be...

 

[dibbydoo]

Thank you 'Shelterfromthestorm' & 'Blutsager' for your kind & thoughtful responses☺❤

Yes, Romans 8:38 is an amazing verse, nothing can separate us!❤

I guess with regards to the 'Cross' Jesus gave His life so we could take back authority over Satan, and so 'ctb' feels like Satan wins again, & I'll be damned (pardon the pun) if I will give him the satisfaction.

I've seen demons many times, as some of you may have, and they utterly feed off our torment.

They are purely 'actualised' beings, they have no 'duality' like we do, what they think they are, no second thoughts, no regrets, pure 'perfect' evil, an utter privation of anything that is good.

Thanks Again for you responses, so much appreciated, God Bless You ❤

 

[Oyoy]

I feel completely blessed by God but I want to go home. I am only angry at myself.

Thank you for sharing your words. I will pray for your lives and I am so greatful if you pray for me.

 

[dibbydoo]

I feel completely blessed by God but I want to go home. I am only angry at myself.

Thank you for sharing your words. I will pray for your lives and I am so greatful if you pray for me.

Hi Oyoy

Thank you for your kind words.
Can you tell me why you are angry at yourself, gives me more 'ammo' when I pray for you

Don't worry if not, message me anytime okay & I will reply when I log in.
With you in spirit

 

[Oyoy]

I am angry at myself for my lack of discipline. Thank you for your support. You are a blessing.

 

[dibbydoo]

Oyoy, I have a message for you, to tell you not to be so hard on yourself okay!

We all do 'things' that we shouldn't do, and don't do things we should, it's okay.

You are Loved very much, so hang in there, you can talk to me about anything, anything okay, I don't blush, and I've been through so many 'spiritual' battles that I know every trick in the enemies book.

So, right now, you are Loved!

Signing off in abit, but message me anytime & I will promise to respond.

BIG HUGS

 

[joshe]

Do you believe in your heart that God would punish such a wounded child of his?

Would you chastise a lamb for being stuck in the torn bushes?

You would know that it is the nature of lambs to get stuck in the thorns, and so, as the shepherd, you would set it free

 

[dibbydoo]

Hi joshe ☺
I agree, I don't believe God would punish a 'wounded child' of His either.

But what I do know is that Jesus came to give us life, in this world now, today, to take back authority, to WIN, and there lies the conflict, because He wants us to overcome, like a parent watching from around the corner as their child overcomes the school bully in the yard, He wants US to overcome. So yes, He will welcome us home with open arms if we can't cope anymore, but we may not have fulfilled are 'purpose' here, whatever that may be.

That's where I'm torn between two worlds.

Off to bed now, God Bless

 

[Didymus]

When our Lord was nailed to the cross, after 3 days of suffering, he... begged for death. And a man felt sorrow for him, and this roman soldier proceeded to stab him with his spear and kill Jesus. That man was Longinus. He had commited a sin, the horrible sin of murder, and he murdered our Messiah no less!. And yet, he was not punished with damnation, but rather ascended to the Heavens to become a saint.

Our Lord begged for death. If he found death an acceptable way out, and that who gave him his relief is now a saint, this is proof enough that when nailed to a cross, desiring death is not a sin, but it is what it should be...

I'm not a Christian. But I am very curious, where did you read that Jesus begged for his death? To my understanding a Roman soldier stabbed him in the side to make sure, according to procedure, that Jesus was indeed dead. So how could he have murdered him?

The Wikipedia entry for Longinus does not mention anything about begging or murdering. So I am curious where you got your information.

 

[dibbydoo]

I am angry at myself for my lack of discipline. Thank you for your support. You are a blessing.

Thanks for the hug on the other thread Oyoy, you're a STAR*