Can so relate to this post well said op, anxiety is the worst I can tell you my trigger whether it is rational or no I don't know and don't know of anybody having gone through similar but it is emotional and very frustrating ok so my anxiety trigger is when I was functioning and before mental illness I had two kids and a loving if not in hindsight stable relationship although there was love involved on my part, the kids are now teenagers, but there was infidelity from my partner which she owned up to at the time and regretted, it was a shock neither son looked like me and the fact she cheated on me throughout ?, by her own admission, my family had whispered doubts too, and told me thier concerns which added to my doubts, my gut instinct led me to believe that neither kid was mine which effected the bond we shared or lack thereof, this has been the most painful experience of my life including bereavement, we did a paternity test through family courts uk, which was positive, but then I discovered they can and have given wrong results on the odd rare occasions, so did it allay my fears ? No it didnt, I have never got the closure with it I desired, and likely never will, and to this day it haunts me, is it rational I don't know ?, does it make me want to suicide ? Sure just wanted to post my trigger and thanks for letting me post my story and hope you can find peace op, peace and blessings
