guinea-pig
:0
- Jul 31, 2023
- 42
My boyfriend is taking me on a date tomorrow to a really nice place. We haven't been on dates in a while due to a lot of reasons.
I should be excited and happy but all I can feel is anxious and like I'm going to puke. I am terrified that I have to go in a public space tomorrow and it's for at the least an hour because that's how long the tickets are for, that doesn't include waiting in line to get in. My boyfriend also told me how this place can become packed because it is popular. There's no way to cancel this either because the tickets were expensive and non refundable and he is also really excited, he told his mom about where he is taking me. So I just have to go through with this even though it's 3 AM and I can't sleep even though I have to be up at 7. I feel like I am going to puke and I have so much nervous energy. I haven't been in a public space like this in a few months and it's because I was getting progressively worse handling myself in those spaces. Now I am throwing myself into the deep end and hoping for the best.
This is the type of shit that makes me want to die the most though. Because I want to go on dates to these fun and interesting places and I want to get out more but the symptoms of my anxiety make it unbearable to do anything. When I'm anxious I'm literally full body shaking like a chihuahua, I feel like I have to puke and a few times I have, I'm sweating, I can't focus, I have to pee a lot, and then sometimes it gets to the point I have to leave because the symptoms are too hard to deal with. Then medication obviously only helps so much, I'm still left feeling terrible. I really hate the left that I "lived".
I should be excited and happy but all I can feel is anxious and like I'm going to puke. I am terrified that I have to go in a public space tomorrow and it's for at the least an hour because that's how long the tickets are for, that doesn't include waiting in line to get in. My boyfriend also told me how this place can become packed because it is popular. There's no way to cancel this either because the tickets were expensive and non refundable and he is also really excited, he told his mom about where he is taking me. So I just have to go through with this even though it's 3 AM and I can't sleep even though I have to be up at 7. I feel like I am going to puke and I have so much nervous energy. I haven't been in a public space like this in a few months and it's because I was getting progressively worse handling myself in those spaces. Now I am throwing myself into the deep end and hoping for the best.
This is the type of shit that makes me want to die the most though. Because I want to go on dates to these fun and interesting places and I want to get out more but the symptoms of my anxiety make it unbearable to do anything. When I'm anxious I'm literally full body shaking like a chihuahua, I feel like I have to puke and a few times I have, I'm sweating, I can't focus, I have to pee a lot, and then sometimes it gets to the point I have to leave because the symptoms are too hard to deal with. Then medication obviously only helps so much, I'm still left feeling terrible. I really hate the left that I "lived".
