Anxiety and CTB

[couragetodie]

Anyone else out there get such anxious feelings when considering CTB that you can't think straight? It's like a form of SI is to cause the mind to short circuit rather than calmly think through how to CTB.

Of course there are many different types of people who want to CTB. But for those of you who suffer from anxiety, I wonder how this impacts your ability to plan. I am so anxious these days I can't even plan. I know I don't want to die but I don't want to live my life and don't believe I have the strength to improve it enough that I will enjoy my life anywhere near how much I used to.

 

[spanishguy22]

I'm obsessed but I can't do it yet so it's just pointless suffering ND yeah kinda anxious ofc

 

[couragetodie]

I don't get how people are so casual here planning for this.

 

[Tally]

I know I don't want to die but I don't want to live my life

I think that in a nutshell, is so anxiety inducing. I'm so sad for so many that think like this. It just leaves nowhere for the brain to go.

Thoughts with you

 

[couragetodie]

Thanks @Tally. Can you relate or you are firm in thinking?

 

[Tally]

I can relate with not wanting to live my life and not believing I have the strength to improve. In regards of not wanting to die, my thoughts are a bit different. I can see people with lives that I wish I could have, so from that perspective, I would like to live to have that life. However that is not a reality and I can't become those people. I'm sure that your feelings about anxiety over CTB are completely normal. My anxiety comes from feeling I have to stay, but am desperate to leave, and the thought of leaving for me, makes me feel at ease, but when I think of family I panic. I'm sure that we all understand bits of others experiences, and at the same time, this is all such a personal experience.

 

[Mogley26]

Anyone else out there get such anxious feelings when considering CTB that you can't think straight? It's like a form of SI is to cause the mind to short circuit rather than calmly think through how to CTB.

Of course there are many different types of people who want to CTB. But for those of you who suffer from anxiety, I wonder how this impacts your ability to plan. I am so anxious these days I can't even plan. I know I don't want to die but I don't want to live my life and don't believe I have the strength to improve it enough that I will enjoy my life anywhere near how much I used to.

I feel the same. The planning is so important but not easy, especially with loving family around.

 

[FauxEmotions]

The planning was weird, but once I got my method down right, it was comforting to know I can end it all when I want to. However, I guess it's not really when I want to because I've peaked in life and am ready to go, but just can't because I know it'll cause my mom so much pain. The brain is a motherfucker.

 

[Donewitheverything]

Every time I have an anxiety attack, I want to ctb so badly as I don't want to suffer anymore. And 9/10 times I feel intense anxiety, to the point my whole body aches... I don't want to feel like this anymore.

The planning was weird, but once I got my method down right, it was comforting to know I can end it all when I want to. However, I guess it's not really when I want to because I've peaked in life and am ready to go, but just can't because I know it'll cause my mom so much pain. The brain is a motherfucker.

Same here. I had a plan and everything, but my mom already lost her husband; she doesn't need to lose me, too. Not to mention, I love her cheerful attitude and I don't want to do anything to take that away from her... It sucks, but her happiness means a lot to me.

 

[FauxEmotions]

Every time I have an anxiety attack, I want to ctb so badly as I don't want to suffer anymore. And 9/10 times I feel intense anxiety, to the point my whole body aches... I don't want to feel like this anymore.



Same here. I had a plan and everything, but my mom already lost her husband; she doesn't need to lose me, too. Not to mention, I love her cheerful attitude and I don't want to do anything to take that away from her... It sucks, but her happiness means a lot to me.

Same exact boat. My mom is cheerful, always positive, almost child like innocence. I couldn't leave this world knowing she'll never be happy and forever scarred because of me. I'm already not a good son in that I don't always answer her phone calls, don't really visit her. Yet every single time I do talk, I know there's that unconditional love and she's always pushing positivity and encouragement to me.

 

[Watcher]

Anyone else out there get such anxious feelings when considering CTB that you can't think straight? It's like a form of SI is to cause the mind to short circuit rather than calmly think through how to CTB.

Of course there are many different types of people who want to CTB. But for those of you who suffer from anxiety, I wonder how this impacts your ability to plan. I am so anxious these days I can't even plan. I know I don't want to die but I don't want to live my life and don't believe I have the strength to improve it enough that I will enjoy my life anywhere near how much I used to.

I got some pills before, I'm more calm. You better considerate to visit a psychiatrist before. Then you can decide if you want to CTB or try to live a normal life getting some treatment.

 

[couragetodie]

Life is so strange

 

[FauxEmotions]

Life is so strange

Truer words have never been spoken... errr typed

 

[Watcher]

Life is so strange

Yeah, it can be difficult. But consider that there are many ways to live it. Just try my suggestion, ask for help. After that, if things don't seem to change, you can decide. And with the pills, it will be more easy to make a plan.

 

[Halo13]

I don't get how people are so casual here planning for this.

I'm more "relaxed" about it because of many attempts. Hard to say relaxed but I know the risks and what will happen if I fail. I'm dissociated but determined, it's comforting to have a way out. I have bouts of extreme anxiety but not about ctb because I have nothing to lose.

 

[JadedGray]

It's like our innate survival instinct's revulsion to our thoughts and feelings of wanting to die because it wants to keep us here.

 

[couragetodie]

The mind would prefer we are insane than dead maybe because one can recover from insanity if it is temporary.

 

[RRH]

I've suffered from anxiety for a long time. It comes and goes. It's back again now and I can't help but wonder whether the thought of ctb is causing it.

I thought having N would bring me peace of mind, but it has only a little.

It's one thing to fantasise about ctb, but another thing to actually go through with it. Making the final preparations is actually quite frightening and daunting.

 

[couragetodie]

@RRH we don't want to die we just hate our current lives and don't see a better future. I know that's my situation. Having the option to leave makes some feel safer; I am with you. I know some can't get to the other side so easily.

 

[RRH]

@RRH we don't want to die we just hate our current lives and don't see a better future. I know that's my situation. Having the option to leave makes some feel safer; I am with you. I know some can't get to the other side so easily.

That's what it all comes down to for me. I don't see myself ever having a normal life or being happy.

Some people who ctb make it look so easy.