I may be too far gone because for me, reproducing is like the worst thing possible. I hate having to defecate. I view life as a overall negative & closer to a burden than a gift , although that's probably my bias from my autism & narcissistic parents lol
I'm also very autistic, and my mother is a covert narcissist and a religious fanatic. My Dad is a lot more reasonable in general. It's awful things have been rough for you, I can easily relate to your home environment. It's tough by itself to be Autistic and be deeply misunderstood and Ostracized. And then when you have not one, but TWO parents who use your autism to Bully you, treat autism like it's a 'bad' thing that somehow makes you an inherently incapable person, rather than simply having a different way of perceiving reality, treat you like everything is 'your' fault by holding you to a much higher standard to other people, Make up ridiculous things about autism to marginalize and dehumanize you to their friends, use you as a 'prop' about how "good of a parent they are" while fundamentally abusing your boundaries, like you are an object for their own ego, and so much more.
I'm fortunate that my dad was around to keep my mother in check. She would be ruthless and try to tear me down, and also my siblings, but my Dad would step in to calm her down. It's really unfortunate you did not have someone to do the same for you.
Ultimately, I think how we perceive life comes down to the hand we're given. We are products of how we experience reality, but of course i would say that because I'm a determinist. I really believe in trying to create societal conditions where people can be free abusive parenting in all its forms, including intellectual, ableist and psychological abuse. We just don't have that yet.