Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
help
i need to write this while i have the energy and can explain
so nightmares
except its like hell but emotional
not the biblical one, thats heaven by comparison
like everything could personally, emotionally attack and destroy me
put into one dream
feels soul-destroying
like soul-rending
i cannot
i was already collapsing
it was that bad
when u say your worst nightmare - literally but dial it up by a thousand
why
it hurts
stop
then i wake up
physical pain the same now for x days in a row 24/7
but that nightmare. i am dead inside. nothing hurts more
bank holidays suck
i didnt even brush my teeth i just rushed here to get the words and feeling out right away
i cannot even describe the nightmare
to my most trusted confidante
they are that bad, and this one, was personally. soul-destroying
all the others i could tell you if it made that one go away
masochistic is one way to describe it
-----------------------------------------
this is vent
dont reply
save me from that nightmare
i need meds and help soon
------------------------------
CPTSD diagnosis soon please
and meds
TRIGGER WARNING / jealousy I guess? which is most of us + more than I can even comprehend
nevermind I changed my mind I am not posting it here. I was going to post the nightmare but I do not want the consequences, also its about a forum, so it will probably trigger everyone here.
even scared to tell one person. (I wrote the short form of nightmare in text file now so I can go back on this decision with someone later)
TRIGGER WARNING again - so I decided to post a micro version that won't affect people, probably
ok this is the micro version of the nightmare that I feel isn't unsafe to talk about, it might trigger someone, I don't know.
I wrote that in the least triggering way I could think of.
TRIGGER WARNING - I guess nightmares? might trigger C/PTSD people, I don't know, I won't describe them in detail, so tw: nightmares, sex, violence, bullying
it's not in detail, so nobody gets hurt?
////
some stuff about cats or something so people don't read the trigger warning stuff if they don't want to. wait, spoilers. brb
read it back going to brush my teeth love ya all, please don't read if you have a good imagination + triggers, or something
Just looked at the time, I got less than 3 hours sleep. I have to go back so to try to sleep so, wish me luck I guess?
I only went to bed to try to get rid of the anxiety, not to have more. I was hoping it was tomorrow.
So luck that no more nightmares, and I actually get some sleep. No sleep like a week+ now. I'll probably be ok.
The best thing about being unnoticeable is nobody has to read my shit lol. It's also the worst thing.
i need to write this while i have the energy and can explain
so nightmares
except its like hell but emotional
not the biblical one, thats heaven by comparison
like everything could personally, emotionally attack and destroy me
put into one dream
feels soul-destroying
like soul-rending
i cannot
i was already collapsing
it was that bad
when u say your worst nightmare - literally but dial it up by a thousand
why
it hurts
stop
then i wake up
physical pain the same now for x days in a row 24/7
but that nightmare. i am dead inside. nothing hurts more
bank holidays suck
i didnt even brush my teeth i just rushed here to get the words and feeling out right away
i cannot even describe the nightmare
to my most trusted confidante
they are that bad, and this one, was personally. soul-destroying
all the others i could tell you if it made that one go away
masochistic is one way to describe it
-----------------------------------------
this is vent
dont reply
save me from that nightmare
i need meds and help soon
------------------------------
CPTSD diagnosis soon please
and meds
TRIGGER WARNING / jealousy I guess? which is most of us + more than I can even comprehend
nevermind I changed my mind I am not posting it here. I was going to post the nightmare but I do not want the consequences, also its about a forum, so it will probably trigger everyone here.
even scared to tell one person. (I wrote the short form of nightmare in text file now so I can go back on this decision with someone later)
TRIGGER WARNING again - so I decided to post a micro version that won't affect people, probably
ok this is the micro version of the nightmare that I feel isn't unsafe to talk about, it might trigger someone, I don't know.
"on a bus","mental health forum","trying to help others","cannot talk/anti-recovery","misintepreted and attacked","its too late","my love with another older man, a stranger","encouraged to make love", "to solve their problems","by another","they keep saying they feel better after","I'm alone again","suffer+heartbroken","jealous","still in abusive situation myself"
I wrote that in the least triggering way I could think of.
TRIGGER WARNING - I guess nightmares? might trigger C/PTSD people, I don't know, I won't describe them in detail, so tw: nightmares, sex, violence, bullying
so usually I have bad nightmares about my family, stuff like that, this one was a little different, but hurt signficantly. I don't want to describe the dream in full words.
I had another one with my dad that I spoke about, and he was kissing me and stuff at the start, someone can probably relate, it was pretty long. I told someone about it. after that its generic wont be believed and feeling bad and guility about it type stuff being tricked and so on and being powerless and authority figures
I get other nightmares, about my uncle, on top of me in bed, strangling. and all sorts. he did worse IRL, but I don't dream about that. I dream about bullying, a lot.
I get nightmares about my brother too. don't really get nightmares about mom? I guess it depends what I'm thinking. the only one was one recently where scared she would die. combined with other stuff. no nightmares about sister.
also get nightmares about ex-es, but also the opposite, where we're together, and waking up is the horrible thing.
I had another one with my dad that I spoke about, and he was kissing me and stuff at the start, someone can probably relate, it was pretty long. I told someone about it. after that its generic wont be believed and feeling bad and guility about it type stuff being tricked and so on and being powerless and authority figures
I get other nightmares, about my uncle, on top of me in bed, strangling. and all sorts. he did worse IRL, but I don't dream about that. I dream about bullying, a lot.
I get nightmares about my brother too. don't really get nightmares about mom? I guess it depends what I'm thinking. the only one was one recently where scared she would die. combined with other stuff. no nightmares about sister.
also get nightmares about ex-es, but also the opposite, where we're together, and waking up is the horrible thing.
it's not in detail, so nobody gets hurt?
////
some stuff about cats or something so people don't read the trigger warning stuff if they don't want to. wait, spoilers. brb
read it back going to brush my teeth love ya all, please don't read if you have a good imagination + triggers, or something
Just looked at the time, I got less than 3 hours sleep. I have to go back so to try to sleep so, wish me luck I guess?
I only went to bed to try to get rid of the anxiety, not to have more. I was hoping it was tomorrow.
So luck that no more nightmares, and I actually get some sleep. No sleep like a week+ now. I'll probably be ok.
The best thing about being unnoticeable is nobody has to read my shit lol. It's also the worst thing.
Last edited: