Venting "Anti-Help" and Therapy

[empty sighs]

I'm tried. I'm tried of feeling like no one understands. Tired that people don't have the empathy to try and understand. I'm tried of the fact that no one in my life seems to have the experiences that I do. Many of them seemingly too brainwashed by what society tells them to question the narrative I try to speak against. The responses I get range from empty politeness, to being burned by people who parrot the phrase "get help" "get therapy" like it's a mantra. Telling people to get therapy, in my experience, is just a way to circumvent the responsibility of being empathetic.

When I do go to therapy I just get the response that "I'm going to help you, help yourself" just another circumvention of responsibility. I'm tired of therapists who pathologize, blame you for the pain in your life, and all the while while keep an emotional distance so they can go to sleep without nightmares. All I want is for another person to listen to me, to hear me as another human being. I'm tired of being told therapy is supposed to make you feel worse. I'm tired being told "maybe you're just not ready for therapy" or "do you want to try a less negative outlook." I'm tried of normal people who use therapy as an end all be all slapstick band aid for trauma that's been killing you, and is now being trivialized.

Happy people look at this website and think it's bad, that this website is "anti-help." The truth is, this website is just a symptom of a problem, the fact that the "help" isn't helping, and that some people just want some semblance of human interaction that doesn't end in ridicule because you want to kill yourself. That you don't want to be told to get on medicine. That you just want to be listened to without having been told that all your problems are your own fault like everyone in this individualistic American country (where I live) seem to think.

People say they want you to be honest with them, to tell them if you're suicidal; but most people aren't ready for that level of honesty. Instead they'll assume you're exaggerating/lying or say you need hospitalization because they aren't capable of providing that level of care. It's true that not all therapists are like this, however I believe a great amount of them are. Therapists think "some people aren't ready for therapy" and "nobody is hopeless" but they can't have both, which is it? Because I'm not getting any better on my own. Maybe therapy can be helpful for people with less severe issues, or with good therapists, but I'm not sure.

 

[chloramine]

Yeah, therapy is a tool, but it's not the right one for everyone. There are some people who really benefit from it- and that's great! Unfortunately there are people whose problems aren't really helped by therapy or there are therapists who suck and make things worse. I'm not against it being a suggestion, but it's pushed as The Answer and that's just unrealistic.

It's super frustrating that many people in society has been so conditioned into insisting "this is the way to get better". Humans are insanely complex. Our lives are complex. Our problems are complex. There is no one size fits all simple solution. I wish there was.

For what it's worth for therapy to be helpful you really do need to find a good therapist you click with, so if that's something you haven't written off for yourself I think it can be worth trying again. If not that's okay too- I hope you can at least find the human connection aspect here.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

My advice is to do what's best for you and not for anyone else.

All the best

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I fully understand you and your situation! For a successful therapy and/or medication you'd have to know exactly the source and the reason for your "illness", like someone has a broken leg, we know exactly what to do and what helps, and a few weeks later it's healed. And there is exactly the problem most of us are facing, that the sources and the reason for "mental problems" are not known. In addition to that we cannot talk freely about our problems in such an anti-suicide society we are forced to live in. I know my words can't really make things better but I still hope they help a bit. I really fully understand you and your feelings about therapy and all that stuff.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd definitely say here was a good place to rant. I suppose the problem with telling friends and loved ones is that they then seem to feel the need to try and help- but really- what can they do either? I've noticed this with a friend of mine. We used to rant a lot to one another but I found that we were both just returning platitudes to one another or more or less saying- 'Sorry you're suffering but it's up to you to change your life- no one else can do it for you.' I guess we probably just want validation. I definately did but most of the time, it was crazy extreme platitudes.

I hate to say it but honestly- if it's genuine- it can be exhausting to constantly feel sorry for someone. I guess because you are constantly picturing yourself in their situation. So- now you have your own problems but, you've taken on theirs too- at least emotionally. I think you have to be pretty strong yourself to be able to do that- so I wonder if that's why people seem to just block the interaction by offering up platitudes and the suggestion to talk to a 'professional'.

I try so hard not to rant to this friend now because I find their responses just make things worse for me. They still rant to me though and I know it's cruel to say but sometimes- I just don't feel like I can cope with it. It then troubles me for hours. I don't want to tell them to stop though because that seems cruel but it's actually very difficult to genuinely care about someone who is struggling without becoming embroiled in the emotions yourself.

It's even harder when you are struggling yourself but without that knowledge- you probably won't be all that sympathetic in the first place. It's almost like you need to talk to someone who has struggled but is in a more secure place themselves now- although I guess they'll now be rattling on about recovery.

I guess therapists do have to remove themselves emotionally because they are experiencing the above all day with multiple people- one after the other. Some of the cases too are likely to be horrific. I guess they'd go to pieces if they truly started identifying with all the different things people had gone through. I don't know- just how far can you fake empathy?

I am sorry and I do sympathise though- it's very lonely. It's a really cliche and obvious suggestion but I did actually find journling used to help me- just to get my thoughts out. I'd say this place was even better though. You're unlikely to get empty/ridiculous platitudes here- especially if you specifically ask people not to do it and at least there will be some compassionate ears listening. Not really the same as real life- but- perhaps better than nothing. Plus- if you do find people you feel you click with, you can PM one another. I'm sorry though. I do understand. I think the kindest thing people can say to me is- 'That must have been very difficult for you.' It doesn't seem like a lot but I agree- it can make a world of difference. I think we do want the acknowledgement that we've been through some bad periods and somehow- we got through.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Happy people look at this website and think it's bad, that this website is "anti-help." The truth is, this website is just a symptom of a problem, the fact that the "help" isn't helping, and that some people just want some semblance of human interaction that doesn't end in ridicule because you want to kill yourself. That you don't want to be told to get on medicine. That you just want to be listened to without having been told that all your problems are your own fault like everyone in this individualistic American country (where I live) seem to think.

That's exactly right. This website fills a gaping hole that society neither fills or seems to care about filling. People here took certain problems of mine seriously while no one IRL did.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Some people are beyond help.
I am one of them.
Severe childhood abuse damaged my brain beyond repair.
No amount of therapy shall ever fix me.
Yet for people with far less serious issues, I think therapy may be of benefit.
But therapy is definitely not going to be beneficial for everyone.

Yet, I find that SaSu is by far the most helpful and supportive resource ever.
Nothing in the medical profession can come close to it as regards supporting mentally ill and suicidal people.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that therapy is a way to profit from people's suffering, it's insulting when those pro-lifers repeat those hollow words that people need help when the reality is that empty words cannot take away any suffering and wanting suicide will always be perfectly logical in this world anyway. And it's really true that most people are so incredibly self centred and won't even try to understand, I could never see it as being a good idea opening up about wanting to die.

 

[SpiderLink]

I'm tried. I'm tried of feeling like no one understands. Tired that people don't have the empathy to try and understand. I'm tried of the fact that no one in my life seems to have the experiences that I do. Many of them seemingly too brainwashed by what society tells them to question the narrative I try to speak against. The responses I get range from empty politeness, to being burned by people who parrot the phrase "get help" "get therapy" like it's a mantra. Telling people to get therapy, in my experience, is just a way to circumvent the responsibility of being empathetic.

When I do go to therapy I just get the response that "I'm going to help you, help yourself" just another circumvention of responsibility. I'm tired of therapists who pathologize, blame you for the pain in your life, and all the while while keep an emotional distance so they can go to sleep without nightmares. All I want is for another person to listen to me, to hear me as another human being. I'm tired of being told therapy is supposed to make you feel worse. I'm tired being told "maybe you're just not ready for therapy" or "do you want to try a less negative outlook." I'm tried of normal people who use therapy as an end all be all slapstick band aid for trauma that's been killing you, and is now being trivialized.

Happy people look at this website and think it's bad, that this website is "anti-help." The truth is, this website is just a symptom of a problem, the fact that the "help" isn't helping, and that some people just want some semblance of human interaction that doesn't end in ridicule because you want to kill yourself. That you don't want to be told to get on medicine. That you just want to be listened to without having been told that all your problems are your own fault like everyone in this individualistic American country (where I live) seem to think.

People say they want you to be honest with them, to tell them if you're suicidal; but most people aren't ready for that level of honesty. Instead they'll assume you're exaggerating/lying or say you need hospitalization because they aren't capable of providing that level of care. It's true that not all therapists are like this, however I believe a great amount of them are. Therapists think "some people aren't ready for therapy" and "nobody is hopeless" but they can't have both, which is it? Because I'm not getting any better on my own. Maybe therapy can be helpful for people with less severe issues, or with good therapists, but I'm not sure.

i feel you, i am having the same issue that youve said here. i hope you know that you are not alone in this as i can relate. sending virtual hugs

 

[TAW122]

Well written, and yes, my experiences with therapy and what not is pretty much what you described and that was just several years ago. I too, also find it insulting when people (even none professionals, just common people) dismiss, invalidate, gaslight, or even push therapy as a solution (which most of us here know is NOT the case for many problems that are complex) while ignoring and pathologizing reactions to the world and make it seem like the onus is on the individual to better oneself. I don't really talk about my problems IRL because not only (at best) would be taken as a joke/ridiculed/dismissed, but at worst, it only serves to further complicate matters more from scrutiny, questioning, and even a potential breach into my private matters. I will also add that I agree with @FuneralCry that a lot of the mental health industry and psychiatry is mostly trying to make money off of vulnerable people while getting the (disgusting) praises of the masses of society and the institutions that are complicit in this kind of exploitation.

@Forever Sleep also made good points about journaling and writing down whatever you wish to write. Personally for me, it is the community on SaSu that has helped at least in validating and attempting to listen and understand my struggles, unlike the majority of the world, which is just gaslighting, dismissing, or showering platitudes at my woes. This really helps with me venting because I believe that had I not had some space to vent, I may have done some regretful things IRL and possibly get into unwanted trouble. Therefore, I credit SaSu for being the honest and open community with regards to sensitive topics as well as compassion and validation for people's personal problems (even if they don't understand everything or the whole problem).

 

[empty sighs]

Thank you to everyone who responded.. It's been an especially rough while lately. I've noticed that when I talk about suicide, or write about it (not on SS), irregardless of how I speak about it, it usually gets blocked. As if suicide is a curse word nowadays. People don't realize when you act like suicide is a bad word, it puts a bandaid over a problem, and it radicalizes people;
I think that's why so many come onto websites like this.

 

[asian.neet]

I'm tried. I'm tried of feeling like no one understands. Tired that people don't have the empathy to try and understand. I'm tried of the fact that no one in my life seems to have the experiences that I do. Many of them seemingly too brainwashed by what society tells them to question the narrative I try to speak against. The responses I get range from empty politeness, to being burned by people who parrot the phrase "get help" "get therapy" like it's a mantra. Telling people to get therapy, in my experience, is just a way to circumvent the responsibility of being empathetic.

When I do go to therapy I just get the response that "I'm going to help you, help yourself" just another circumvention of responsibility. I'm tired of therapists who pathologize, blame you for the pain in your life, and all the while while keep an emotional distance so they can go to sleep without nightmares. All I want is for another person to listen to me, to hear me as another human being. I'm tired of being told therapy is supposed to make you feel worse. I'm tired being told "maybe you're just not ready for therapy" or "do you want to try a less negative outlook." I'm tried of normal people who use therapy as an end all be all slapstick band aid for trauma that's been killing you, and is now being trivialized.

Happy people look at this website and think it's bad, that this website is "anti-help." The truth is, this website is just a symptom of a problem, the fact that the "help" isn't helping, and that some people just want some semblance of human interaction that doesn't end in ridicule because you want to kill yourself. That you don't want to be told to get on medicine. That you just want to be listened to without having been told that all your problems are your own fault like everyone in this individualistic American country (where I live) seem to think.

People say they want you to be honest with them, to tell them if you're suicidal; but most people aren't ready for that level of honesty. Instead they'll assume you're exaggerating/lying or say you need hospitalization because they aren't capable of providing that level of care. It's true that not all therapists are like this, however I believe a great amount of them are. Therapists think "some people aren't ready for therapy" and "nobody is hopeless" but they can't have both, which is it? Because I'm not getting any better on my own. Maybe therapy can be helpful for people with less severe issues, or with good therapists, but I'm not sure.

Exactly. Well said.

Just look at the amount of worksheets from radical acceptance from DBT. Just observe on how you're supposed to *accept* the problem as it is and blames people for their own problem.

I love it so much when people default to "go to therapy". Honestly at this point you should learn that go to therapy = go fuck yourself. No one in real life wants to care about our problems, not that I agree with their statement but it's literally how therapy culture destroyed any kind of empathy and redirected it at the source who will provide the opposite of empathy.