Story anterograde amnesia- Beware when taking/testing Benzos

[jjxt94]

just posting from personal experience of test-dosing to see how it affects my body personally before CTB.
I've been prescribed xanax for my anxiety and I've been saving them up and test dosing them for CTB
I have been testing my dosages from 2,3,5-10mg since the PPH and other anecdotal accounts have reported taking them anywhere from 1hr before to w/ SN.
However, I need to stress:

• PPH suggests taking w/ SN to accelerate unconsciousness
• people who have taken it 30min-1hr prior have failed due to blacking out before SN

Anyway-back to test dosing - I am in situation where I have other people in my house and I have scheduled CTB when there isn't anyone around so I've been testing my xanax dose and documenting their onset/difference between bigger/lower dose and effects and I have to warn that anterograde amnesia is a serious concern since I've been seen walking between rooms and also texting/writing and also PMing people here that I do not remember and in middle of dawn that I was certain was in my bed as I've taken them later in afternoon- and that is even though I had turned off my computer/locked my phone away

Please consider this if you are test dosing and aware of these side effects- I knew these side effects existed but I personally experiencing it made me realize it might impact the plan to CTB fully.

 

[Clonazepam]

accidentally posted my draft lol.

while blacked out from alprazolam i stole almost £100 worth of alcohol then called the police and reported myself for shoplifting. resisted arrest when they arrived and woke up the next day in police custody with no recollection of it.

yeaah not so great for a task like exaxt dosing for SN. not great for coping too.

 

[jjxt94]

accidentally posted my draft lol.

while blacked out from alprazolam i stole almost £100 worth of alcohol then called the police and reported myself for shoplifting. resisted arrest when they arrived and woke up the next day in police custody with no recollection of it.

yeaah not so great for a task like exaxt dosing for SN. not great for coping too.

I've been test dosing because as I said, I do have anxiety issues, and I was anxious on onset or if xanax really will kick in with SN
I took larger doses because lower doses that were on larger range (2-3mg, 4mg) were just treating my symptoms and nothing else...
Turns out I've almost given myself away and ruined everything lol. Imagine if I had done something more than just pm and message people.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Sorry to hear the testing/dosing is proving difficult. Benzo receptors are tricky.

 

[Clonazepam]

I've been test dosing because as I said, I do have anxiety issues, and I was anxious on onset or if xanax really will kick in with SN
Turns out I've almost given myself away and ruined everything lol. Imagine if I had done something more than just pm and message people.

yup, exact same here. benzos silence anxiety for me completely and any plans i had beforehand are either forgotten or dont sound too great considering how good i was feeling at the time.

 

[jjxt94]

Sorry to hear the testing/dosing is proving difficult. Benzo receptors are tricky.

haha, you even warned me about it and here it is- thank god I didn't do more than what I did

yup, exact same here. benzos silence anxiety for me completely and any plans i had beforehand are either forgotten or dont sound too great considering how good i was feeling at the time.

benzos didn't really have any of the euphoria effect on me. I just felt like it did nothing- all it did was treat my anxiety even when I took 3-4mg when it was 0.25mg-0.5mg as needed
That's why I took more and this happened.

benzo having no perceived effect on me added on to anxiety leading to taking more- and turns out I did stuff when I thought I was in my bed.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

haha, you even warned me about it and here it is- thank god I didn't do more than what I did

Happens to most of us at some point if we're messing with benzos. I'm thankful as well. I've hit the benzo black out before my tolerance got shot to shit from RC's and done some weird stuff too. We live and learn. The smartest thing you did was pure aside some fr. Make sure to hang onto that homie.

 

[jjxt94]

Happens to most of us at some point if we're messing with benzos. I'm thankful as well. I've hit the benzo black out before my tolerance got shot to shit from RC's and done some weird stuff too. We live and learn. The smartest thing you did was pure aside some fr. Make sure to hang onto that homie.

It's been a real shock to system to go through that.
Thankfully I took your other advices well and I locked away everything I needed for CTB in very separate location-
thankfully, when I was knocked out, I was only able to turn on my phone/unlock my phone/unlock my computer/pm people-which is quite scary..
Thank god I did not PM friends who are in medicine

 

[Clonazepam]

benzos didn't really have any of the euphoria effect on me. I just felt like it did nothing- all it did was treat my anxiety.
That's why I took more and this happened.

benzos arent really supposed to be euphoric. that 'euphoria' people describe is nothing more than cessation of anxiety.

other factors aside, 2mg alprazolam is the blackout threshold for someone of no tolerance to benzodiazepines. going higher will only amplify the amnesia.

 

[jjxt94]

benzos arent really supposed to be euphoric. that 'euphoria' people describe is nothing more than cessation of anxiety.

other factors aside, 2mg alprazolam is the blackout threshold for someone of no tolerance to benzodiazepines. going higher will only amplify the amnesia.

I actually took note of this when I took 2mg alprazolam, I went to sleep and I didn't record myself with anything since I don't have camcorder on my bed to take note. It took me around 3 hours of waiting and I felt simply nothing so I just closed my eyes and went to sleep.
Later, I saw some stuff that I didn't remember, so I did make sure to write down on my log "possible anterograde amnesia", but doubt remained in my head- I recall SE of benzo was euphoria yet I felt nothing.

So I wondered:
"why do people report euphoria and addiction to benzos when it just makes me feel normal and almost as if it does nothing?"

so after, I took higher and higher dosage so that I could get more accurate picture of my actions when I do take CTB dose and this happened.

Well now, I know. The medication did it work just as it should - treat my anxiety, and bigger dose just gave me even harsher anterograde amnesia to point other people noticed.

Lessen noted, and gotten away (thankfully)