TydalWave
Brutally Self-Aware
- Sep 20, 2022
- 436
Just need to vent and i know this probably wont make much sense without context.
I am at an all time low right now and the only thing that can relieve me is CTB. My last shipments for what I need keep getting delayed and now I have to continue this charade which is my work, my life, my relationships as if everything is normal when I can barely process what reality is spitting at me.
I wish I could just call it quits or quit my job and just enjoy my final moments but I know I have to be smart and not draw attention. So here I am traveling for work feeling worse then death and I don't know what I can do but harness any last strength inside of me to fake this existence for atleast one more week.
I wish I could reach out to the people that hurt me and forgive and forget. I hate the thought of me dying leaving others feeling guilty. As much pain as she brought me, it should never justify my choice to CTB. I am doing this for myself and have felt disjoint my entire life. I wish I could explain this but I know I can't. The best I can do is leave a letter. Which breaks my heart that I will die without having that resolve for myself, but hopefully i will be in peace and others will have some respect for me. If suicide is a selfish act them it seems like the right thing to do to not reach out before ive gone through with it, even if it adds to my misery and loneliness I am destined to feel before I leave.
I am at an all time low right now and the only thing that can relieve me is CTB. My last shipments for what I need keep getting delayed and now I have to continue this charade which is my work, my life, my relationships as if everything is normal when I can barely process what reality is spitting at me.
I wish I could just call it quits or quit my job and just enjoy my final moments but I know I have to be smart and not draw attention. So here I am traveling for work feeling worse then death and I don't know what I can do but harness any last strength inside of me to fake this existence for atleast one more week.
I wish I could reach out to the people that hurt me and forgive and forget. I hate the thought of me dying leaving others feeling guilty. As much pain as she brought me, it should never justify my choice to CTB. I am doing this for myself and have felt disjoint my entire life. I wish I could explain this but I know I can't. The best I can do is leave a letter. Which breaks my heart that I will die without having that resolve for myself, but hopefully i will be in peace and others will have some respect for me. If suicide is a selfish act them it seems like the right thing to do to not reach out before ive gone through with it, even if it adds to my misery and loneliness I am destined to feel before I leave.