Another suicide in my area today

[inmyhead]

I live in a really remote place where suicide rates are quite high. Or maybe they aren't, but because it's a small place the community is more affected. I don't know.

everyone here knows someone who has done it and been successful. It's countless for people who have attempted.

I feel a strange mixture of emotions, sadness because he left behind two children. Envy because he was successful at something I have tried so many times and still feels out of my reach. I don't actively want to CTB right now, on a day to day level. I get passing thoughts fairly regularly when I think about the bleakness of life but I'm usually able to keep going.

Just venting really, because I can't tell any of my family or friends about the envy without worrying people. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[FuneralCry]

I also really envy those who managed to cease existing on their own terms, to me they are the true fortunate ones as now they are unable to suffer for all eternity. Rest in peace.

 

[rozeske]

It's very relatable why you would feel envious among your other feelings. I hope it doesn't affect you and you are able to push through as your plan.

 

[Checker130]

I live in a really remote place where suicide rates are quite high. Or maybe they aren't, but because it's a small place the community is more affected. I don't know.

everyone here knows someone who has done it and been successful. It's countless for people who have attempted.

I feel a strange mixture of emotions, sadness because he left behind two children. Envy because he was successful at something I have tried so many times and still feels out of my reach. I don't actively want to CTB right now, on a day to day level. I get passing thoughts fairly regularly when I think about the bleakness of life but I'm usually able to keep going.

Just venting really, because I can't tell any of my family or friends about the envy without worrying people. Does anyone else feel this way?

When I want to go, I REALLY want to just go. When I'm ok, I'm glad I didn't. It's a cruel little game.