Another failure

[imacrybaby]

As some of you remember, I attempted partial hanging a couple of weeks ago. Last night I tried again. I took 2 xanax to calm me and started drinking, because I love drinking and it was my last day. Turns out this was a horrible idea, because I blacked out and I don't even remember if I attempted, probably don't. So just as a piece of advice, don't mix xanax and alcohol on the day of your ctb.

 

[BLUE1970]

I like a drink but want to go to my death clear headed, I want to relish every last moment knowing that it was my decision and one I made with a clear mind. I do understand that many need a drink to calm their nerves though but also acknowledge that likely equal numbers take their life on the spur following drinking / drug sessions.

 

[imacrybaby]

I like a drink but want to go to my death clear headed, I want to relish every last moment knowing that it was my decision and one I made with a clear mind. I do understand that many need a drink to calm their nerves though but also acknowledge that likely equal numbers take their life on the spur following drinking / drug sessions.

I am definitely doing it today sober and clear-headed.

 

[sadworld]

I am definitely doing it today sober and clear-headed.

Good luck. Hopefully everything works out for you

 

[Deleted member 17949]

There really is no shame in failing, this is hard

 

[opiatedreamz]

if you choose to do it today, good luck and i hope it's peaceful.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear things didn't go as you wanted. That's why I'm not a fan of over intoxication.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

likely equal numbers take their life on the spur following drinking / drug sessions.

I fear I will do this. I mean I'm not sure if I would want to be completely sober or not yet (and a big part of it is method-dependent) but yeah I don't wanna go out all sloppy on the spur. I think I'm writing it down somewhere so it registers more in my dumb brain.

 

[BLUE1970]

I fear I will do this. I mean I'm not sure if I would want to be completely sober or not yet (and a big part of it is method-dependent) but yeah I don't wanna go out all sloppy on the spur. I think I'm writing it down somewhere so it registers more in my dumb brain.

For me it's about being in control of my fate, I don't want booze to be a factor.

 

[imacrybaby]

I am definitely doing it today sober and clear-headed.

Guess what, I failed again. God I fucking hate myself. I can't even do this one thing right. I am doomed to live while I wanna die.

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

Guess what, I failed again. God I fucking hate myself. I can't even do this one thing right. I am doomed to live while I wanna die.

Your not alone I'm in between failures right now. I noticed trying harder the next day or with a different approach did nothing for me. I went back to the psychological drawing board not changing my method but planning and rehearsing it to death in my head. Hated myself the past month vehemently for not going through with it. Try not to be too hard on yourself life is too hard on us all to begin with.

 

[Moondust87]

For those who have tried and not succeeded how did you keep it from others? How did anyone not know? I am so afraid of trying amd failing and being locked up. I used to work in a state mental hospital. I dont want to be there. I have been hospitalized in a behavioral health hospital 2 different times but i disagree for being there the second time. Point is i dont want my freedom taken away if i fail. Definitely dont want to be judged or looked at as being crazy or sick.