Venting Another day another post. Still can't figure out how to end it? Eeriness.

[thisiswhoiam-]

In a normal society I would be euthanized, but instead I spam this forum with my pointless posts.
My body feels irredemably broken, i have chronic pain every day even though I don't know why, since I don't really have a diagnosis. Just that everything in my body is malfunctioning, from teeth, to genitals, spine, head, arms, if not one thing hurts, then another does. I spent outrageous amounts of money already, it is impossible to keep up with all these problems u would have to be a millionaire. Even if you try to fix one problem two new ones pop up. Combine that with the fact that im a benzo addict and if i take effective painkillers i'm going to get organ damage from mixing depressants. So I can't get any rest or way out of this nightmare.
It's been another day wasted where I didn't try to CTB. Regress instead of progress. My fragile mind feels like it's going to break eventually, since i've been feeling weirder and weirder. If only I weren't a coward this issue would be dealt with a decade ago. No matter what i feel or if i feel anything i don't kill myself. I think it's as common a thing as going out for a walk in my mind. Maybe I should just stop thinking at all and walk in front of a train or find a skyscraper, anything to finally change something since if i just let things be it's never gonna end spiraling me on this highway to hell.
I have no will no matter whether it's living or dying, nothing appeals to me, i don't want anything, i just know what i have to do because i'm forced to. There's nothing more to it.

 

[katara]

Ya i feel similar, that first sentence hits me close to home. I don't see any reason why im not euthanized sense i cant function. I have no support system, no friends, nothing of worth in my life. I don't see why I can't just make a call and go get euthanized. i literally have nothing

 

[SilentSadness]

That sounds really painful, it truly is disgusting how people let their beliefs and delusions stand in the way of granting the human rights of others. It's horrific that healthy people are forced to live so it must be even worse that you are trapped here without any choice or freedom. Nothing much appeals to me either, and every day is just a chore that we're forced to sit through for the sake of it. I hope your situation improves in the future, but unfortunately it's unlikely as this society is only taking steps backwards.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really horrible how in this world people are just expected to suffer endlessly, nobody should be obligated to stay here just because some people decided to selfishly procreate. It's just so incredibly cruel how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult, all those who wish to leave should just be able to pass away in peace, the fact that euthanasia isn't even legalised is just so wrong to me. This world is undeniably such a hellish place and it must be so tiring being trapped in that situation of constant suffering.