Another birthday has passed

[CrazyDiamond04]

Today was my 21st birthday. I guess it's ironic that it's today of all days that I feel the urge to post on here after a while. More than a fifth of my life has passed me by, and what do I have to show for it? I don't even feel sad or angry like I have before; I just feel defeated; just waiting for my time to end. I spoke with my grandparents and extended family today, I always feel guilty when it happens. 21 years has gone by, and they aren't getting any younger. What's going to be their final memory of me? Today wasn't even really a bad day, but I can't help but just want to end my life whenever my birthday rolls around. 21 years of failure and disappointment. I can't even fully convey in text how I feel but it's extremely debilitating; life just keeps trucking on and I continue along with it. Why are any of us even here? Life doesn't even feel real to me anymore; it's just an illusion. I don't know what I want to say; I just feel like the present shouldn't be happening.