Venting Anorexia

[Life_and_Death]

I hate myself... I've been eating more. Daily instead of skipping 2-3 days. I've only gained a couple pounds but I hate myself. I want my stomach gone. I had lunch an hour or 2 ago, I want to throw it up. I want to do jumping jacks until its gone. "you dont have a stomach, I can see your ribs" (I use to use my hip bones as an arm rest). I hate every second of this. I hate me.

 

[Rairii]

I get it, I'm sorry you have to suffer with this. are you trying to recover or are you considering this uh not sure how to word this a period of time where you are unable to restrict?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I get it, I'm sorry you have to suffer with this. are you trying to recover or are you considering this uh not sure how to word this a period of time where you are unable to restrict?

working on recovery, mostly not optionally.
but i seem to be having pain that i think is caused by low blood sugar (my gut and upper legs hurt. i always get the kidney and liver confused, but i think its kidneys?) and i also occasionally randomly get sick, which has been getting worse.
which i think is funny because theres people that weight less then me (115lbs) and ive never heard any mention of these problems. thats atypical for you i guess

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Oof been there…sometimes it's not even about feeling fat, it's just about having to force food down ones gullet. The fact that your stomach has to expand afterwards is triggering.

 

[Life_and_Death]

The fact that your stomach has to expand afterwards is triggering.

omg this!! directly after eating has to be the worst!

 

[Rairii]

working on recovery, mostly not optionally.
but i seem to be having pain that i think is caused by low blood sugar (my gut and upper legs hurt. i always get the kidney and liver confused, but i think its kidneys?) and i also occasionally randomly get sick, which has been getting worse.
which i think is funny because theres people that weight less then me (115lbs) and ive never heard any mention of these problems. thats atypical for you i guess

Jeez, sorry you are being forced into recovery. I'm not "pro-ana" or whatever, I just think it rarely benefits a person when they're forced into it, I mean some eventually realize when they're half way in/after that it was ok but still.

also I was having a lot of body pain when I was weight restoring, like especially in my joints. I did this process in a residential environment, nurses told me body pain seemed to be a common complaint among patients during the process, so it's not really atypical it would seem. Also, if you're having pain on the right side of your stomach it could be your gallbladder, rapid weight loss/very restrictive diets can cause gallstones. Found that out recently when I had to get my gallbladder removed. Might be worth seeing a doctor about that sort of pain, even if its not your gallbladder and it is your liver or kidneys, that still really needs checked out. My liver really "freaked" out during refeeding and many times I had to lower my meal plan because my liver couldn't handle the food it was processing. I never heard of kidney pain, though its not uncommon for anorexia to damage your organs.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

omg this!! directly after eating has to be the worst!

i go to bed feeling like a Buddha:,) so I look forward to the morning when it shrinks back to normal lol

 

[Life_and_Death]

so it's not really atypical it would seem.

atypical was more inference to the type of anorexia considering im still technically a healthy weight.

Also, if you're having pain on the right side of your stomach it could be your gallbladder, rapid weight loss/very restrictive diets can cause gallstones. Found that out recently when I had to get my gallbladder removed. Might be worth seeing a doctor about that sort of pain, even if its not your gallbladder and it is your liver or kidneys, that still really needs checked out. My liver really "freaked" out during refeeding and many times I had to lower my meal plan because my liver couldn't handle the food it was processing. I never heard of kidney pain, though its not uncommon for anorexia to damage your organs.

both sides. and yeah, i would go to the doctor but they wont let me in because i cant wear a mask (literally cant breath through my nose and i dont seem in inhale enough air in general, also claustrophobia) so much like everything else, im kinda on my own to figure it out and somehow fix it.
i also went to ER from my sickness one day but got a doctor that didnt leave kindergarten and kept going in circles ("we do blood tests first" "i cant do a blood test" (phobia of needles) "what do you want to do then?" "what are my options" "we do blood tests firsts" and we went in that circle for a good 5-10 mins before i just stormed out because apparently a degree doesnt come with common sense. how can i know what i want to do if i dont know my options?)

 

[Rairii]

atypical was more inference to the type of anorexia considering im still technically a healthy weight.

both sides. and yeah, i would go to the doctor but they wont let me in because i cant wear a mask (literally cant breath through my nose and i dont seem in inhale enough air in general, also claustrophobia) so much like everything else, im kinda on my own to figure it out and somehow fix it.
i also went to ER from my sickness one day but got a doctor that didnt leave kindergarten and kept going in circles ("we do blood tests first" "i cant do a blood test" (phobia of needles) "what do you want to do then?" "what are my options" "we do blood tests firsts" and we went in that circle for a good 5-10 mins before i just stormed out because apparently a degree doesnt come with common sense. how can i know what i want to do if i dont know my options?)

oh, sorry read that atypical part wrong then.

well dang, I'm sorry that happened to you. Often times ER doctors seem to rude from what I've encountered. Though honestly some stuff really can only be known by blood tests so I can understand his reasoning on insisting for it plus maybe it would rule out unnecessary testing but he could have at least done a MRI of your stomach. Hope its nothing serious and it's just bloating/constipation from eating more again which is also very very common.