Anhedonia

[NightmareTour]

I've been suffering with this for a few months now. Essentially, a complete lack of ability to feel enjoyment or happiness. Nothing makes me feel good in any way. Hobbies I used to enjoy, interactions with people, nothing. I don't even enjoy food anymore. There's just foods I dislike, and foods I don't dislike. When I complete a difficult task, I don't feel any sense of achievement or pride, it's just... done. I don't know if I could ever truly make anyone who hasn't experienced it understand it, and how bleak and empty it makes everything. By this point, I don't really do anything unless it's going to negatively impact me if I don't, it just isn't worth the energy when it's not in any way rewarding, and it makes the bad things feel so much worse when there's not even the tiniest amount of good to balance it out.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Is there a way through, or is this just how things are now?

 

[Alyatl]

I don't have personal experience with this, but a close friend of mine was diagnosed with anhedonic depression. He doesn't enjoy much, rather he can't; he loves to both listen and play music but even that kind of stuff doesn't stir up the emotional response he had before, he feels insanely empty and it fucks him up that he can't enjoy things like you're supposed to.

I asked him if he could help a little in writing back to you, and he said that he wants you to know you're not alone. He's on some pretty intense antidepressants, and was given therapy for a bit but he plans in the future to do more. The meds are helping a bit, but he kind of figures that this is just something he'll learn to live with and have better coping skills in the future. He's wanted to ctb many many times, lots of ideation , not so much now.

All I can really say, and all he can really say, is that it's a really shitty thing to have to experience every day, that realization that the world is just a million times more grey than it once was makes it feel like ctb'ing is the only option, but if you talk to a psych or someone and tell them exactly how you're feeling, cause my friend said what you wrote perfectly captures his feelings, they may be able to offer some meds and therapy.

I wish you luck, if you wanna PM me for more about what my friend goes through (he wanted to help more but he's drunk and said he can't help to the extent he wants to right now haha) please do :)

 

[jrums]

I have anhedonia/emotional numbness from SSRIs. It's a living hell and the main reason I want to CTB. In addition to all the other damage they caused.

 

[deadpixels]

I have been like this for a few years, I started losing interest in trivial things and little by little I stopped engaging in everything, even pleasant activities, like listening to music, watching movies, playing games, etc. Eventually I came to a point where I simply don't do anything anymore, the world spins around me and I'm here, static. I look at plants and they're there, growing, producing flowers, fruits, swaying with the wind... Even the plants seem more active than me... Those days, I don't do anything besides browsing this forum,


I don't know if there's a way out of this but I hope you don't reach this point.

 

[mote]

I have this. Mine wasn't caused by drugs- just shitty treatment from other humans and bureaucracy. Why try, why care?
I don't know how to get out either. The repercussions are just one of many reasons I should die.

 

[fantasy_function]

yeah, feels like ur dead 2 the world. been feeling like this 4 a long, long time. i have little appreciation 4 being alive because i can't get much out of anything. i don't do anything unless not doing it will inconvenience me 2 some extent, either. do u remember not feeling like this, too? i don't get terribly angry, or happy, or much of anything, but i used 2. i'm not sure if i miss when i saw everything in black n white, but having this fucking grey vacant vision takes the life out of everything n anything

 

[NightmareTour]

yeah, feels like ur dead 2 the world. been feeling like this 4 a long, long time. i have little appreciation 4 being alive because i can't get much out of anything. i don't do anything unless not doing it will inconvenience me 2 some extent, either. do u remember not feeling like this, too? i don't get terribly angry, or happy, or much of anything, but i used 2. i'm not sure if i miss when i saw everything in black n white, but having this fucking grey vacant vision takes the life out of everything n anything

I know that there was a point that I didn't feel like this, but I honestly can't remember what it was like. Trying to remember any good memories doesn't bring back what I felt at the time. Just feels like I've lived my entire life in this horrible state of grey.

 

[TheSoulless]

I've had this for a few years. Music – nothing. TV shows – nothing. Jokes – nothing. I feel indifferent towards everyone and everything. I seek stimuli to make me feel something, like eating a lot of sugary foods, or smoking cigarettes. I feel like this kind of behavior has also changed my personality somewhat.

Initially, the reason I developed depression was simply puberty and the new challenges life presented, and I actually felt a lot, but it was sadness and despair. Now that phase is over, but I have a medical condition that affects my life a lot. The anxiety and stress it causes me works as an emotional compressor, so to say. My mind has become jaded to happiness. I'm currently seeking treatment, so I hope the anhedonia doesn't persist!

 

[NightmareTour]

I've had this for a few years. Music – nothing. TV shows – nothing. Jokes – nothing. I feel indifferent towards everyone and everything. I seek stimuli to make me feel something, like eating a lot of sugary foods, or smoking cigarettes. I feel like this kind of behavior has also changed my personality somewhat.

Initially, the reason I developed depression was simply puberty and the new challenges life presented, and I actually felt a lot, but it was sadness and despair. Now that phase is over, but I have a medical condition that affects my life a lot. The anxiety and stress it causes me works as an emotional compressor, so to say. My mind has become jaded to happiness. I'm currently seeking treatment, so I hope the anhedonia doesn't persist!

I still find myself doing things to try to force myself to feel good in some way, too. Binge eating and heavy smoking are definitely big ones. I've found the experience of just not enjoying any food at all the strangest one. I guess it's the one that really made me realise that just I can't enjoy anything at all.

 

[TheSoulless]

I still find myself doing things to try to force myself to feel good in some way, too. Binge eating and heavy smoking are definitely big ones. I've found the experience of just not enjoying any food at all the strangest one. I guess it's the one that really made me realise that just I can't enjoy anything at all.

It's really frustrating. I hope it gets better for you.