Venting Anhedonia

[platypusfan]

The feeling of nothing is killing me, and if I were to ctb I would hate for me to feel nothing for my last days. My depression has slowly morphed from sadness to nothing. Something good could happen, and then something bad can happen, and id feel the exact same about both things. Everything feels the same, and it's all blurred together. I have no concept of time anymore. I am going to university in a few weeks and I am supposed to be excited or nervous or something but I feel nothing. This feeling has increasingly gotten worse the past few months. At least before it was possible for me to feel something. It's so bad that even weed and alcohol do nothing. Everything feels fake, like a dream, but one of those dreams that just feel off. Everything feels off. Does anyone else experience that?? Is there any hope?

 

[saddestbunny]

i feel you, i feel disassociated / derealized almost always nowadays, if youve already tried meditation and medicatioin i'm not sure what else to offer but i hope you find peace

 

[pinkribbonscars]

God yes.

Alcohol works for me still, but weed does nothing.

I've watched Etika's suicide note so many times, and him discussing all the things he's going to miss stuck out to me. I won't miss anything. I no longer follow anything. I don't read, I don't watch tv, movies, anything. I can't concentrate on it and it gives me no joy. I used to have so much passion and joy and it's completely stripped. It's honestly my biggest reason for watching to ctb. What's the point in living if I can't enjoy anything? I try to enjoy things but it all falls flat.

and yes I relate to the world feeling off and like a dream. Artificial, fake, plastic world. It's the worst feeling in the world and no one understands what I mean when I discuss this.

Take care friend. I have no advice. For me it passes, goes in waves. But every time it comes back it drives me mad.

 

[dumpsterfire]

same, except weed used to make me feel something but then i got cut off. all i can feel rn is either nothing or anxious. i dont even really care anymore though, because in the end nothing really matters.