Story Anhedonia from Psychiatric Medications

[N3UR0T1C]

I'm reaching out for some validation and to see if anyone else shares a similar experience.

During my mid to late teen years, I had been very depressed and had attempted suicide a few times. Through this period, I was put on many different psychiatric medications (a few SSRI's, atypical antipsychotics, and anticonvulsants (off label for mood stabilization). I had been essentially medicated for the entire period between 13-17, and things came to a head with a SN suicide attempt when I was 18, which lead to my long-term hospitalization and treatment. When I got out, I truly tried to give life another chance. The medications I was on seemed to be helping, and I started making progress in my life (I found employment, started college, etc.). However, I had been experiencing anhedonia on these medications for essentially the entire time. I decided to get off my medications in order to try to relieve the anhedonia, but it never went away. I truly don't find enjoyment from anything, at least not for more than a fleeting moment. I just feel numb, all of the time. My life isn't even that bad, but these profound feelings of numbness are leading me to the point of seriously wanting to CTB again.

I feel so conflicted, because I hear stories here of people who have far worse lives than me. Life isn't even that bad for me when I look at things objectively, but I truly don't feel like life is worth living when I can't feel anything.

My apologies for the rambling nature of the post. Sorry for cluttering up the forum.

 

[cowboypants]

I'm reaching out for some validation and to see if anyone else shares a similar experience.

During my mid to late teen years, I had been very depressed and had attempted suicide a few times. Through this period, I was put on many different psychiatric medications (a few SSRI's, atypical antipsychotics, and anticonvulsants (off label for mood stabilization). I had been essentially medicated for the entire period between 13-17, and things came to a head with a SN suicide attempt when I was 18, which lead to my long-term hospitalization and treatment. When I got out, I truly tried to give life another chance. The medications I was on seemed to be helping, and I started making progress in my life (I found employment, started college, etc.). However, I had been experiencing anhedonia on these medications for essentially the entire time. I decided to get off my medications in order to try to relieve the anhedonia, but it never went away. I truly don't find enjoyment from anything, at least not for more than a fleeting moment. I just feel numb, all of the time. My life isn't even that bad, but these profound feelings of numbness are leading me to the point of seriously wanting to CTB again.

I feel so conflicted, because I hear stories here of people who have far worse lives than me. Life isn't even that bad for me when I look at things objectively, but I truly don't feel like life is worth living when I can't feel anything.

My apologies for the rambling nature of the post. Sorry for cluttering up the forum.

I have been on and off anti depressants twice. So i think I can relate to what you say. It takes a couple of years (1-2) to be at baseline again for me.

I stopped anti depressants, antipsychotics last year cause i was feeling suicidal and it did not really worked other than my anxiety reducing. And amongst other issues. I was pretty much done at that point.

 

[SaltedSnail]

How did you fail suicide with SN?

 

[dinosavr]

First of all, it doesn't really matter how your life objectively looks like. You're miserable enough to want to kill yourself and that's what it is. There's no such thing as an official objective list of reasons you may or may not have to be allowed to commit suicide. Your thoughts are valid and I'm really sorry you feel this way :( I hope you'll be able to find a solution soon.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

This is the main reason I want to ctb. I thought it'd get better but only like 10%. I used to have a lot of fun but now I don't really like doing anything.

 

[Dark Window]

How did you fail suicide with SN?

This OP.

What were the effects of the SN? What did it do to you?

 

[indefinitesleep2]

in the same boat as you, id rather be feeling stomach turning sadness than this tbh

 

[ConfusedNickYung]

I feel you brother, i've also lost my motivation and drive to do anything or enjoy anything at all. I wish you feel better man

 

[N3UR0T1C]

This OP.

What were the effects of the SN? What did it do to you?

Sorry, somehow I didn't notice this reply.

Standard SN induction, 25g dose. No vomiting, just had high pulse and lightheadedness. Passed out sometime around 20 mins. Roommate heard me seizing 30-45 mins in. I was transferred to the hospital, methemoglobin levels were around 70% upon admission. Methylene Blue was administered, was in the hospital for a few days.

 

[indefinitesleep2]

Sorry, somehow I didn't notice this reply.

Standard SN induction, 25g dose. No vomiting, just had high pulse and lightheadedness. Passed out sometime around 20 mins. Roommate heard me seizing 30-45 mins in. I was transferred to the hospital, methemoglobin levels were around 70% upon admission. Methylene Blue was administered, was in the hospital for a few days

how uncomfortable was it from 1 to 10?