Hi board,
I am decided to make my first post here since I am in so much pain over the last 8 weeks. I have never seriously attempted suicide but the thought of dying is all that keeps me going these days, it is my luxury thought that I know I can end it. The moment is growing closer and I am starting serious preparation now for this.
I first attempted suicide when I was 12 years old I put a spoon into the neutral in an attempt to electrocute myself after a hard day at school, unsurprisingly it didn't work or even shock me. I was severely bullied in school and dropped out at 14 without any formal educational certificates or recognition. Since these days I have been resilient and independent.
I am here now at 33 years and I have decided that I have enough of life. I led a great life until covid started, I traveled the world extensively and met amazing people, I got married last year to my wife whom I love so very much but she hates me, I married her primarily as I love her and want that she could benefit from my death pension and with Citizenship also as she is from a different country.
I went to my own doctor here in December and appealed for help, his stupid advice was to see a therapist, I didn't get therapy yet due to our appalling Socialized Healthcare system, we pay around 73% tax but get the worst healthcare. Economic matters are not really a factor in my decision, I am relatively well off and I own two houses and have rental income from that, I also get a form of disability payment from the Govt due to what happened to me as a kid. Normally now I would be sitting on a beach or swanning somewhere exotic, I would routinely spend 1-2 months of winter in either Thailand, the Philippines or Latin American or Brazil. Low cost of living and friendly locals and amazing women.
Last year I was in a relationship with my ex and she broke up with me, I wrote my will and a suicide note then. I traveled to Mexico to buy Nembutal and instead found new meaning in Tijuana when I hooked up with several American and Mexican women via tinder. I abandoned my plan for Nembutal as I got cold feet to transport it across the US border as I flew in and out via LAX. How much I regret that decision in recent weeks.
I want to die peacefully but I have very limited options here,
I have no access to either Nembutal or Sodium Nitrate
I have no access to firearms, I will fail the medical due to my depression diagnosis
I don't know what to do but I want the pain to go, recently I slept 17hrs today, I have very bad SAD at the moment, due to my Northern Latitude location and being stuck here at home like a prisoner with a complete curfew lockdown until next March. I can't last that long and I have decided to end my life before then.
I am decided to make my first post here since I am in so much pain over the last 8 weeks. I have never seriously attempted suicide but the thought of dying is all that keeps me going these days, it is my luxury thought that I know I can end it. The moment is growing closer and I am starting serious preparation now for this.
I first attempted suicide when I was 12 years old I put a spoon into the neutral in an attempt to electrocute myself after a hard day at school, unsurprisingly it didn't work or even shock me. I was severely bullied in school and dropped out at 14 without any formal educational certificates or recognition. Since these days I have been resilient and independent.
I am here now at 33 years and I have decided that I have enough of life. I led a great life until covid started, I traveled the world extensively and met amazing people, I got married last year to my wife whom I love so very much but she hates me, I married her primarily as I love her and want that she could benefit from my death pension and with Citizenship also as she is from a different country.
I went to my own doctor here in December and appealed for help, his stupid advice was to see a therapist, I didn't get therapy yet due to our appalling Socialized Healthcare system, we pay around 73% tax but get the worst healthcare. Economic matters are not really a factor in my decision, I am relatively well off and I own two houses and have rental income from that, I also get a form of disability payment from the Govt due to what happened to me as a kid. Normally now I would be sitting on a beach or swanning somewhere exotic, I would routinely spend 1-2 months of winter in either Thailand, the Philippines or Latin American or Brazil. Low cost of living and friendly locals and amazing women.
Last year I was in a relationship with my ex and she broke up with me, I wrote my will and a suicide note then. I traveled to Mexico to buy Nembutal and instead found new meaning in Tijuana when I hooked up with several American and Mexican women via tinder. I abandoned my plan for Nembutal as I got cold feet to transport it across the US border as I flew in and out via LAX. How much I regret that decision in recent weeks.
I want to die peacefully but I have very limited options here,
I have no access to either Nembutal or Sodium Nitrate
I have no access to firearms, I will fail the medical due to my depression diagnosis
I don't know what to do but I want the pain to go, recently I slept 17hrs today, I have very bad SAD at the moment, due to my Northern Latitude location and being stuck here at home like a prisoner with a complete curfew lockdown until next March. I can't last that long and I have decided to end my life before then.
