Method An update on my ctb

[curiousbeing]

So, I traveled to that alone beach, at least 2 kilometers away from the nearest village, 40+ kilometers away from nearest city. To test how good / how bad I will implement my CTB plan (plastic bag suffocation, stabbing, drowning, hypothermia, air temperature 8-12C. I once entered pool where water was 28C and I was already moderately shivering, later I even caught fever)

So, I tested basically 3 different things: entering sea, knife, suffocation

I have bad and good news

Bad news for me first:
I couldn't just suffocate myself. Not merely because of horrible suffocation feeling but also I don't want to spend my last moments in such a desperate suffocation. It's bad that I couldn't bear suffocation, but I agree that my last moments shouldn't involve suffocation

So, no suffocation for me

Good news for me:
Well, I didn't care too much about cold sea. I tested water, felt coldness, it didn't trigger my SI as much as suffocation or drowning ( I didn't submerge myself). But in the past I frequently went to sea. So, I am scared of going to the depths of sea (up to head level), but I realized that I can go further, say, until stomach deep, during ctb. I couldn't go deeper than stomach level in the past, but I am sure that during ctb I will have nothing to lose so I will move up to the chest level without feeling panicked.

So, I can go inside sea.

Knife. I firstly felt my pulse, I knew exactly where my carotid artery pulse was. I will simply gather my strength and hit where pulse is, as hard as possible. I tested knife on potatoes and at least it cut them to some degree, so I am sure it will cut deeper. I am underweight, there isn't too thick muscle in my throat.

I could imagine hitting it, without any strong feeling of SI


So, I am ready.

I will go to the sea as deep as I can, minimum stomach deep. I will take my backpack. My backpack will be full of sand to weigh me down. After I am inside sea, to speed up process of losing consciousness, I will stab my throat where carotid artery pulse is. And then basically wait a few minutes to lose consciousness (I read that 15 minutes required until hypothermia knocks person down, by cutting myself I won't have to wait 15 minutes)

Hopefully, sea waves won't bring my body to shore, at least backpack filled with sand will prevent them.

Yes, I read that some people survive drowning, hypothermia for hours, because in cold water, brain processes slow down, body preserves itself. But, by cutting myself, I will cause bacterial infection or whatever it is and infection, as far as I am aware, won't be slowed down by coldness. So, infection + bleeding will do their own job

I will take maybe 2 painkillers, wait for 30 minutes for painkillers to become activated and hit myself (painkillers reduce my pain usually after 30 minutes)

Time will be either afternoon or evening. Weather gets dark at 5:00 pm already

That's it. My plan. (I won't suffocate / choke myself, I can't do them)

Is there anything I should be mindful of?
Even if I can't go stomach deep, I can at least go to sea knee deep. Or between knee and hip. It won't be enough to be drowned, but it will be enough to motivate myself to go further, or fall inside sea and get bacterial infection from bleeding area. So, knee deep water will still be sufficient, although I will do my best to go as deep as possible, even up to chest
I did all this to introduce myself to this ctb plan, reduce my SI, test everything, and make sure I will do my actual ctb without failure. For example I learned that I just can't do plastic bag method

With each ideation, planning and testing, I feel more ready, lesser SI, to do actual ctb plan and free myself

 

[over2025]

The main thing here is drowning, I wouldn't count on yourself being able to cut your own carotid artery.

 

[curiousbeing]

The main thing here is drowning, I wouldn't count on yourself being able to cut your own carotid artery.

Yes. I considered this

I took a look at anatomy of throat, veins. There are external and internal jugular veins. Bleeding from external jugular veins isn't serious (let's ignore infection) but internal jugular veins are more serious. And they are not as deep as carotid artery

How do you think?

The main thing here is drowning, I wouldn't count on yourself being able to cut your own carotid artery.

Drowning and to the lesser extent, hypothermia, salt water poisoning, water inside lung (If throat doesn't block water and water enters into digestive system and lungs), infection (if there is bleeding), bleeding itself. Other than drowning, they all can be very unreliable, I read case reports where people cut carotid artery but end up alive for 30 minutes.
but together, they all will support each other and become more deadly. Cold water can make body survive drowning due to less oxygen demand in cold environment, but coldness can't stop infection / bleeding

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes, I'm sure that rehearsing the procedure is assisting in familiarising yourself with all the actions required and helping to ease the SI arising from the strangeness and apprehension of doing these steps for the first time.

 

[maniac116]

If you try to drown, you will again face suffocation!!!!

 

[curiousbeing]

Best wishes, I'm sure that rehearsing the procedure is assisting in familiarising yourself with all the actions required and helping to ease the SI arising from the strangeness and apprehension of doing these steps for the first time.

Thank you

I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

Thank you

If you try to drown, you will again face suffocation!!!!

Yes actually. Drowning is, fortunately and unfortunately, another form of suffocation...Water suffocation.

In drowning, waves shouldn't bring my body to a shallow area, where, incidentally, my face also turns and looks at sky. In that case, say, my nose may be outside sea and i may end up breathing.

Yes, other forms of suffocation aren't totally reliable either. I can tear apart plastic bag when unconscious / during seizures; or if I choke myself by swallowing napkins, my throat may still be partially blocked and i may end up still breathing

If you try to drown, you will again face suffocation!!!!

As they say, the devil is in the details. Biology, health are very complex. People survive drowning for 30 mins. People fall down from 13th floor and end up alive. I even read that carotid artery cut can be survived, but only for 2 hours. Not in the sea while drowning, so i dont worry about it

 

[finishLana]

Im sorry but neck stabbing is not a good idea, I would recommend to reconsider

 

[curiousbeing]

Im sorry but neck stabbing is not a good idea, I would recommend to reconsider

i won't slowly cut it. I will hit it as hard as i can suddenly . If i can't do anything, i will just enter sea as deep as i can and wait until hypothermia finishes everything. But this is less reliable so i will strongly consider cutting. Even a small cut can at least cause infections

Im sorry but neck stabbing is not a good idea, I would recommend to reconsider

unfortunately i dont have any other way, other than suffocation, but plastic bag method is horrible for me

 

[finishLana]

i won't slowly cut it. I will hit it as hard as i can suddenly . If i can't do anything, i will just enter sea as deep as i can and wait until hypothermia finishes everything. But this is less reliable so i will strongly consider cutting. Even a small cut can at least cause infections

unfortunately i dont have any other way, other than suffocation, but plastic bag method is horrible for me

I understand, Im not a stranger to this thought. Stabbing one self is way harder than it sounds, yes it is possible to hit the neck and bleed until blood clotting, then stabbing again is less desirable thing to do and overall becomes a very unpleasant experience. As well as infection won't be deadly in a period of even days unfortunately.

If the sea is the only option, there isn't option to get anything like sn, or an opioid, maybe hyperventilating in the water to try loose consciousness or take something that could cause a blackout like benzos with alcohol, but I still don't recommend stabbing, it will make things worse and not in a way you want.

 

[curiousbeing]

I understand, Im not a stranger to this thought. Stabbing one self is way harder than it sounds, yes it is possible to hit the neck and bleed until blood clotting, then stabbing again is less desirable thing to do and overall becomes a very unpleasant experience. As well as infection won't be deadly in a period of even days unfortunately.

If the sea is the only option, there isn't option to get anything like sn, or an opioid, maybe hyperventilating in the water to try loose consciousness or take something that could cause a blackout like benzos with alcohol, but I still don't recommend stabbing, it will make things worse and not in a way you want.

Thank you so much for letting me know

Ok. In this case, I will just enter sea, and wait for, say, 30 minutes, until hypothermia makes me lose consciousness?

Or, i can do huffing? Spray deodorant which contains butane into my cloth and smell it as much as i can until i fall into sea? Is this good idea?

 

[finishLana]

Unfortunately I suggested what I think could work, I doubt that 30 mins in water would make you loose consciousness and I don't know if deodorant would help with it either. Maybe read about hyperventilating and drowning as a method here, otherwise I can barely imagine this to work but I wish you luck to achieve peace