Hey folks, first post from a former lurker. I'm going to keep this very light on personal details and heavy on "just the facts, ma'am."
I was intent on CTB Sunday night, and in fact made a solid accidental attempt. I want to share some knowledge/findings:
I spent a few hours experimenting with Night Night, with no results. Placement never seemed right, no object exerted pressure on the carotids, and the teeth on the ratchet strap would slip and provide slack before achieving sufficient compression.
My plan B, intent on finishing things that night, was partial hanging. I understood the key elements of it to be (a) strength of the support, (b) strength of the ligature, (c) achieving that fast blackout, and (d) minimizing the chances for recovery during unconscious convulsions.
Strength of support: I chose a pull-up bar. Conveniently, I already owned one, and was very clear on the fact that it could support more than my weight, at acceleration greater than gravity, repeatedly. That proved correct; the bar held up to the experience. It was a simple assemble/install yourself model off Amazon for a reasonable price (bought for actual fitness purposes and then repurposed this weekend).
Strength of ligature: I had on hand a 20 ft length of accessory (climbing) rope. This is a static rope (cheap, no give) vs. dynamic rope (expensive, somewhat elastic, used for fall protection). It's 8mm in diameter and is rated for 17 kN, picked up off of Amazon for something like $20 at some point in the past. Given its purpose, the rope is smooth-sided, almost slick. I chose simple slip knots. I tied one on the center of the bar, cinched it tight, and cut the rope down to size with scissors. I tied the other end loosely (a generous open ligature sufficient to slip over my head).
Mistake discovered in practicing: I had way too much slack/length in the rope. I could still achieve oncoming blackout (more on that later) with some practice/pulling on it, but I was far from convinced that I wouldn't just topple backward and writhe until I had sufficient slack on the "real" attempt. Solution: take the slack out of the rope / leave less distance between the two slip knots. (Mistake #2: always measure twice, cut once. The first time I did this, I cut the rope too short and ended up with a ligature too small to fit my head through, even standing on my toes right under the bar. Cue moment of panic where I don't think I can finish the job and didn't know how I'd face another day... until I realize the slack I cut off is actually longer than the piece I'm using and can try again *carefully*) Ultimately I decided on exactly enough slack so that the two slip knots were virtually touching with the ligature opened to a size I can squeeze my head through (I'm tall and have a big head; I imagine this would be a little different if I were shorter or had a smaller head).
A little math: I weigh in at about 75 kg. 75 kg * 9.8 m/s^2 (gravity) = 735N. So a 17kN rope is gross overkill, but I liked the idea of plenty of headroom for error. Remember that a convulsing body jerking on the rope is going to cause acceleration forces in excess of gravity alone, but at my weight that rope's tolerance should be ~23x the acceleration from gravity, which is... ample. Excessive.
Sure enough, the rope held up fine, as did both knots. Do note that a knot that can slip (i.e. a "slip knot") can slip in both directions. The only thing preventing the knot from slipping the other direction and loosening is force continuing to be applied to the ligature, pulling it tighter. This is why I chose a standing position under an overhead support and dropping my knees out / "sitting", to ensure that my unconscious weight would be helping the knot stay tight.
Incidentally, with an 8mm smooth rope and an overhead support, I found it impossibly easy to blackout, after so many hours of failure via other mechanisms. So long as it was fitted reasonably high on my neck with the knot at the back and I leaned into it, the blackout started coming on very quickly and consistently.
So why am I here reporting back to you? I was taking one final practice run before making sure all my preparations (last will & testament, accommodations for pets, scheduled emails, etc.) were exact and then going for it... and I over-committed on the last practice run. I actually blacked out, and quickly, rather than feeling it coming and loosening the knot. (Lesson learned: if this is a practice run, have your hand on the knot ready to give yourself slack and don't wait/hesitate. Also, don't get too drunk or you'll miss the window.) I woke up what turned out to be about 10 minutes later, like I had literally just closed my eyes. As others have reported, it is the singularly most disorienting feeling - takes a while to get your eyes open or get muscle control or figure out what's happening, your body is just fighting for air... it's like waking up from sleep paralysis, or more specifically like waking up in sleep paralysis face-down in your pillow, struggling to breathe but unable to move/fix it.
In my mental disorientation, before I could remember what happened or how I got there or why breathing was so hard, I got physical control back and stood up and loosened the knot. There was absolutely no pain in the process of falling unconscious - downright easy - however even the best failure comes with the price: in my case, ligature burns on my neck, and a bruised/injured windpipe that's made talking and swallowing hurt like hell the past few days. I also awoke with the underwear and pants completely soaked with urine, running all the way down both legs. So... things I should consider/have considered when evaluating what failure would look like, and what things are going to look like for whoever finds the body.
I think the fact that I came to and freed myself is both a fluke and only because I didn't commit to the partial hang; it was only supposed to be a gentle test to confirm everything was ready. I think the outcome would be different had I committed. I was both a little rattled but also... pleased to discover a lack of SI interference to putting my head in and drawing it tight (which further confirmed my decision in the first place, that I really did think it was necessary and was ready to go through with it), and given a sort of calm, zen nihilism where I'm in control and frankly the timing doesn't matter very much because I know I have the power and can CTB whenever I choose, or even on a whim.
I may not respond much to comments or questions - I'm keen on my privacy - but I somewhat unintentionally Did Science and wanted to report back my findings. A proper reattempt is planned soon - I'm taking this new zen state and some crushing finality granted Monday that dispelled any last fantasies or hopes for other possible outcomes, and getting my affairs a little more in order, dealing with some things I don't want the email recipient or executor of my estate to have to deal with (e.g. rehoming/surrendering pets so there's not even a slim chance they're not discovered and taken care of in time and it isn't someone else's problem). On the off chance of another failure, I'll report back what I learn.
I was intent on CTB Sunday night, and in fact made a solid accidental attempt. I want to share some knowledge/findings:
I spent a few hours experimenting with Night Night, with no results. Placement never seemed right, no object exerted pressure on the carotids, and the teeth on the ratchet strap would slip and provide slack before achieving sufficient compression.
My plan B, intent on finishing things that night, was partial hanging. I understood the key elements of it to be (a) strength of the support, (b) strength of the ligature, (c) achieving that fast blackout, and (d) minimizing the chances for recovery during unconscious convulsions.
Strength of support: I chose a pull-up bar. Conveniently, I already owned one, and was very clear on the fact that it could support more than my weight, at acceleration greater than gravity, repeatedly. That proved correct; the bar held up to the experience. It was a simple assemble/install yourself model off Amazon for a reasonable price (bought for actual fitness purposes and then repurposed this weekend).
Strength of ligature: I had on hand a 20 ft length of accessory (climbing) rope. This is a static rope (cheap, no give) vs. dynamic rope (expensive, somewhat elastic, used for fall protection). It's 8mm in diameter and is rated for 17 kN, picked up off of Amazon for something like $20 at some point in the past. Given its purpose, the rope is smooth-sided, almost slick. I chose simple slip knots. I tied one on the center of the bar, cinched it tight, and cut the rope down to size with scissors. I tied the other end loosely (a generous open ligature sufficient to slip over my head).
Mistake discovered in practicing: I had way too much slack/length in the rope. I could still achieve oncoming blackout (more on that later) with some practice/pulling on it, but I was far from convinced that I wouldn't just topple backward and writhe until I had sufficient slack on the "real" attempt. Solution: take the slack out of the rope / leave less distance between the two slip knots. (Mistake #2: always measure twice, cut once. The first time I did this, I cut the rope too short and ended up with a ligature too small to fit my head through, even standing on my toes right under the bar. Cue moment of panic where I don't think I can finish the job and didn't know how I'd face another day... until I realize the slack I cut off is actually longer than the piece I'm using and can try again *carefully*) Ultimately I decided on exactly enough slack so that the two slip knots were virtually touching with the ligature opened to a size I can squeeze my head through (I'm tall and have a big head; I imagine this would be a little different if I were shorter or had a smaller head).
A little math: I weigh in at about 75 kg. 75 kg * 9.8 m/s^2 (gravity) = 735N. So a 17kN rope is gross overkill, but I liked the idea of plenty of headroom for error. Remember that a convulsing body jerking on the rope is going to cause acceleration forces in excess of gravity alone, but at my weight that rope's tolerance should be ~23x the acceleration from gravity, which is... ample. Excessive.
Sure enough, the rope held up fine, as did both knots. Do note that a knot that can slip (i.e. a "slip knot") can slip in both directions. The only thing preventing the knot from slipping the other direction and loosening is force continuing to be applied to the ligature, pulling it tighter. This is why I chose a standing position under an overhead support and dropping my knees out / "sitting", to ensure that my unconscious weight would be helping the knot stay tight.
Incidentally, with an 8mm smooth rope and an overhead support, I found it impossibly easy to blackout, after so many hours of failure via other mechanisms. So long as it was fitted reasonably high on my neck with the knot at the back and I leaned into it, the blackout started coming on very quickly and consistently.
So why am I here reporting back to you? I was taking one final practice run before making sure all my preparations (last will & testament, accommodations for pets, scheduled emails, etc.) were exact and then going for it... and I over-committed on the last practice run. I actually blacked out, and quickly, rather than feeling it coming and loosening the knot. (Lesson learned: if this is a practice run, have your hand on the knot ready to give yourself slack and don't wait/hesitate. Also, don't get too drunk or you'll miss the window.) I woke up what turned out to be about 10 minutes later, like I had literally just closed my eyes. As others have reported, it is the singularly most disorienting feeling - takes a while to get your eyes open or get muscle control or figure out what's happening, your body is just fighting for air... it's like waking up from sleep paralysis, or more specifically like waking up in sleep paralysis face-down in your pillow, struggling to breathe but unable to move/fix it.
In my mental disorientation, before I could remember what happened or how I got there or why breathing was so hard, I got physical control back and stood up and loosened the knot. There was absolutely no pain in the process of falling unconscious - downright easy - however even the best failure comes with the price: in my case, ligature burns on my neck, and a bruised/injured windpipe that's made talking and swallowing hurt like hell the past few days. I also awoke with the underwear and pants completely soaked with urine, running all the way down both legs. So... things I should consider/have considered when evaluating what failure would look like, and what things are going to look like for whoever finds the body.
I think the fact that I came to and freed myself is both a fluke and only because I didn't commit to the partial hang; it was only supposed to be a gentle test to confirm everything was ready. I think the outcome would be different had I committed. I was both a little rattled but also... pleased to discover a lack of SI interference to putting my head in and drawing it tight (which further confirmed my decision in the first place, that I really did think it was necessary and was ready to go through with it), and given a sort of calm, zen nihilism where I'm in control and frankly the timing doesn't matter very much because I know I have the power and can CTB whenever I choose, or even on a whim.
I may not respond much to comments or questions - I'm keen on my privacy - but I somewhat unintentionally Did Science and wanted to report back my findings. A proper reattempt is planned soon - I'm taking this new zen state and some crushing finality granted Monday that dispelled any last fantasies or hopes for other possible outcomes, and getting my affairs a little more in order, dealing with some things I don't want the email recipient or executor of my estate to have to deal with (e.g. rehoming/surrendering pets so there's not even a slim chance they're not discovered and taken care of in time and it isn't someone else's problem). On the off chance of another failure, I'll report back what I learn.
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