An empty existence, it is like I have already died.

[FuneralCry]

I live an empty, hollow existence. There is nothing that would ever make me want to stay, there has never been anything I have wanted from life. It is like I am a ghost, I have already died, I see life around me and I hear about peoples lives, but yet I can never be apart of it, I am disconnected from it all, but yet I am still here in a place that I do not belong. There is no future for me.

Even in sleep, there is nightmares. I spend so much time thinking of the worst possibilities, so much dread for what lies ahead. After all there is no escape from myself apart from death, I have to deal with the pain of existing until I finally manage to exit. I long for an escape but escaping is just so difficult. It would be a relief for death to come peacefully and easily, as it seems like I am trapped in an eternal loop of meaningless days and nights. I never feel relaxed, I am always worrying about something. Life is just stress, but for what purpose, I get through one day just to be faced with it all again the next.

Life scares me, there is so much fear. I cannot do this for many more decades. How can anyone be satisfied with life. It hurts me that suicide is so difficult, methods can fail and I am denied a peaceful exit. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave. I long for eternal, dreamless sleep where this life will all be forgotten about and I will be free.

 

[Julgran]

Your words tear at my heart of hearts. Thank you for your meaningful release of your deepest thoughts.

 

[chocolatebar]

I lived like that for most of my life and it hurts to read your words. So sorry you're living like that.
When I realized how I had wasted my entire life, I started trying desperately to "live", but with no success so far... seems like I'm dead either way. I don't fit this world.

 

[abunker]

I understand completely. My heart has been broken so many times. I have no hope anymore. And what is the point of living without love and connection to others? It's a lifelong sentence of solitary confinement. And I've never understood what I've done to merit this sentence.

 

[noname223]

I know daily worrying. I cannot imagine a life without all these sorrows. My fear eats me alive.
Thinking about the future can be very scary.
I wish you all the best :)

 

[Myl]

I feel this.
Whilst throughout the years I have saw other people live their lives, I have just been here alone witnessing it as an observer.
People around my age being in relationships, studying, working and having fun all whilst I am doing nothing except distracting myself until it is time to sleep and the cycle starts all over again tomorrow.
It's all very tiring.

It is sad how we cannot exit peacefully whenever we chose easily.

 

[trulyfeelhopeless]

I live an empty, hollow existence. There is nothing that would ever make me want to stay, there has never been anything I have wanted from life. It is like I am a ghost, I have already died, I see life around me and I hear about peoples lives, but yet I can never be apart of it, I am disconnected from it all, but yet I am still here in a place that I do not belong. There is no future for me.

Even in sleep, there is nightmares. I spend so much time thinking of the worst possibilities, so much dread for what lies ahead. After all there is no escape from myself apart from death, I have to deal with the pain of existing until I finally manage to exit. I long for an escape but escaping is just so difficult. It would be a relief for death to come peacefully and easily, as it seems like I am trapped in an eternal loop of meaningless days and nights. I never feel relaxed, I am always worrying about something. Life is just stress, but for what purpose, I get through one day just to be faced with it all again the next.

Life scares me, there is so much fear. I cannot do this for many more decades. How can anyone be satisfied with life. It hurts me that suicide is so difficult, methods can fail and I am denied a peaceful exit. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave. I long for eternal, dreamless sleep where this life will all be forgotten about and I will be free.

Reading of your suffering, I wish I could give you a huge hug. This is how I feel every single day. All day and night long worrying about anything and everything. Wanting to cry it all out for some kind of release but being so numbed out you can't even let yourself cry. Sending you so much love

 

[abunker]

I was emotionally controlled and numbed to survive for many years. Now that I'm emotionally open again I cannot stop crying. Every day. The pain is intolerable.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I also lead an empty, meaningless, motionless life. The only way I know I'm not dead is that I get panic attacks. Surely you can't get those when you're dead…

 

[sanction]

Sigh......... all of us are lonely and empty. We get along so well on this forum. Imagine if we can all just unite together in real life. Imagine the power we may have as a big group and community and all are like minded. But of course I understand its easier said than done. Its such pity we are all so similar and able to understand each other's soul in a deep way, yet are all seperated and can only connect in front of a screen, while quietly suffering inside our own little worlds, feeling trapped and isolated

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate. I'm so disconnected from the human existence it's like I'm already dead. However, I wish to be dead for real and I'm so annoyed at how hard it is to die