Am I Ungrateful?

[Nolivesmatter]

A few weeks ago I moved home with my parents for the second time after moving out to try and be independent. Not only did I fail at this, I managed to get in even more credit card debt than before (lived with someone who used me and didn't pay rent for 2 months as well)

I moved home last summer after a relationship ended, and I was in overwhelming credit card debt from making big purchases that I thought would help with my dreams but looking back just seem delusional.

My parents have been kind and let me stay for free and feed me, but I just can't seem to get my shit together. I'm turning 29 this year, and I've hated every job I've ever had. I never make enough money, and now I'm drowning in CC debt from being irresponsible.

I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't make it in this world, and the thought of living and being dependent on my parents or sisters my whole life while working shitty jobs to contribute what I can sounds like a fate worse than death.

I tried to CTB last summer and most recently last weekend with a belt in my door, and I got really close but then backed out at the last minute when things started to go dark and fuzzy.

I know this is going to devastate my family... But I can't keep living like this. I've isolated a lot because I'm just so embarrassed of my actions, the bills are overwhelming, I hate working and can never seem to make enough money when I do, and I hate who I've become.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

I don't think you are ungrateful. I understand your situation seems overwhelming right now.

But the good news is, you have identified (and own up to) the primary cause of your problems: You are irresponsible when it comes to finances.

Before you do anything rash, please consider if there is anything you can do to address the root cause: Can you ask your parents help you make better financial decisions in the future? Can you run all your larger purchases and expenses by them? Can they help you come up with a budget and a plan to pay off your credit card debt? Is bankruptcy an option for you so you can start with a clean slate?

It sounds like you have family that is both willing and able to help you out financially, and they seem to love and care for you. Can you just be open and honest with them and let them help you make better choices in the future? I don't think your situation is beyond repair. Best of luck to you!

 

[JSauter]

We don't know if he's irresponsible or if he can't make a living wage and was simply trying to pay for rent, food and healthcare and was falling behind each month. I'm in debt as well because of healthcare bills that I had no control over. That's this dump of America, for you. Been working and paying taxes since I was 15, and this fell on me despite doing everything correctly for my entire life.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

We don't know if he's irresponsible or if he can't make a living wage and was simply trying to pay for rent, food and healthcare and was falling behind each month. I'm in debt as well because of healthcare bills that I had no control over. That's this dump of America, for you. Been working and paying taxes since I was 15, and this fell on me despite doing everything correctly for my entire life.

I'm not making assumptions. I'm going by what the OP clearly stated:

"in overwhelming credit card debt from making big purchases that I thought would help with my dreams but looking back just seem delusional."

"I'm drowning in CC debt from being irresponsible."

 

[Ghost2211]

How do your parents feel about the living situation? I can tell you as a mom I would rather support my kids forever and have them live with me forever ra than kill them self.

 

[Lastsauce]

I would rather support my kids forever and have them live with me forever ra than kill them self.

That seems pretty normal behavior for caring mom :)
There just are some who kick their kids out as soon as they hit 18, or even earlier.

 

[Lostandfound7]

How do your parents feel about the living situation? I can tell you as a mom I would rather support my kids forever and have them live with me forever ra than kill them self.

THIS!
No u r not ungrateful..OK, u have made a series of bad financial decisions. Welcome to the club!!..But as far as the bills r concerned, u Def have options. Have u considered filing for bankruptcy? That will stop the debt calls n such..As far as a job, right now u r home with ur parents so take some time n find something u r passionate about, n make some $ doing it..or a skill. Perhaps u enjoy working on cars, maybe u can look around for a mechanic who would b willing to have u work with him a bit, then in the future u can go to school for that..u have other options in terms of settling the debt..what ur going thru (credit card debt) is nothing strange or even permanent, just ask millions..if thats ur main issue, plz reconsider..

 

[Ghost2211]

That seems pretty normal behavior for caring mom :)
There just are some who kick their kids out as soon as they hit 18, or even earlier.
View attachment 26633

Thats awesome! Also, yeah I never understood parents that do that. Kids should always be welcome home even when they are adults. Everyone needs help sometimes.

 

[JSauter]

I'm not making assumptions. I'm going by what the OP clearly stated:

"in overwhelming credit card debt from making big purchases that I thought would help with my dreams but looking back just seem delusional."

"I'm drowning in CC debt from being irresponsible."

You're right - I'm sorry, I missed that. Apologies.

 

[bpdandme]

A few weeks ago I moved home with my parents for the second time after moving out to try and be independent. Not only did I fail at this, I managed to get in even more credit card debt than before (lived with someone who used me and didn't pay rent for 2 months as well)

I moved home last summer after a relationship ended, and I was in overwhelming credit card debt from making big purchases that I thought would help with my dreams but looking back just seem delusional.

My parents have been kind and let me stay for free and feed me, but I just can't seem to get my shit together. I'm turning 29 this year, and I've hated every job I've ever had. I never make enough money, and now I'm drowning in CC debt from being irresponsible.

I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't make it in this world, and the thought of living and being dependent on my parents or sisters my whole life while working shitty jobs to contribute what I can sounds like a fate worse than death.

I tried to CTB last summer and most recently last weekend with a belt in my door, and I got really close but then backed out at the last minute when things started to go dark and fuzzy.

I know this is going to devastate my family... But I can't keep living like this. I've isolated a lot because I'm just so embarrassed of my actions, the bills are overwhelming, I hate working and can never seem to make enough money when I do, and I hate who I've become.

You are not ungrateful, you are just lost at the moment. It is okay to not be at the same rate as other people you age, it's so hard to get on the property ladder/be financial independent - props to you for trying to be independent! I bet your parents/family can see that you have tried and are trying. It's so easy to fall into credit debt, especially when you are down, it's like instant gratification.

You weren't being irresponsible when you thought you were helping your dreams, that was an investment, things don't always go to plan and that was just unfortunate it didn't work out how you thought. Some (most) people don't even attempt to chase their dreams!

This isn't your fault, its the capitalist system that traps us into a cycle of poverty and debt. It's fine to ask for help. You're being your harshest critic! Sending you love and light, here if you need a chat.

 

[Nolivesmatter]

How do your parents feel about the living situation? I can tell you as a mom I would rather support my kids forever and have them live with me forever ra than kill them self.

They're fine with it. My mother always had high expectations, and I couldn't live up to them. My three other sisters are doing alright on their own.

My mom swings between being supportive of me and then guilting me for not "picking a better degree" in college etc

 

[Aeathelina]

You're not ungrateful.
I can relate to your feelings of trying to get it together but the system isn't build to help people that feel more than three feelings. It gets exhausting, bone weary tired trying to reach up when your being pulled down by debt.
So no you're not ungrateful.

 

[Nolivesmatter]

THIS!
No u r not ungrateful..OK, u have made a series of bad financial decisions. Welcome to the club!!..But as far as the bills r concerned, u Def have options. Have u considered filing for bankruptcy? That will stop the debt calls n such..As far as a job, right now u r home with ur parents so take some time n find something u r passionate about, n make some $ doing it..or a skill. Perhaps u enjoy working on cars, maybe u can look around for a mechanic who would b willing to have u work with him a bit, then in the future u can go to school for that..u have other options in terms of settling the debt..what ur going thru (credit card debt) is nothing strange or even permanent, just ask millions..if thats ur main issue, plz reconsider..

I don't think I can apply for bankruptcy because my dad gave me his old car, and they would take that...

And right now I'm using it I'm to drive for Lyft which isn't ideal, but it doesn't stress me out like most jobs... I started a job at a ropes course last week, but it made me too anxious, so I quit 3 days in. All the stuff I'm passionate about doesn't make a lot of money for most... Music/comedy/acting and being depressed has made me not want to do them.

I just feel bad. I feel like I don't want to work because I've hated every job that I've ever had and just can't handle the stress of modern life... Nothing seems worth it. Like even if I do pay off all this debt... I don't want to have kids because I can barely take care of myself.

I just feel like I'm staying alive because my family loves me and cares about me, but I'm having a hard time loving and caring for myself and healing :/

 

[PaYo]

Try to learn electronics, its easy and fun. Im working right now on new device project and its keeping me away from suicide.

 

[Lostandfound7]

@Nolivesmatter , I know u said it's an old car, so ur dad is not financing it, so they won't take it..I just checked online..so u can still file to keep them away..my brother filed a few yrs ago n he is about to buy a house. It will b on ur credit report for a few yrs, but in the meantime, u can get secured credit cards n build ur credit back up..I know the depression makes u so unmotivated..Been there n still a bit now..But as far as the debt goes, just take it one day at a time..if u can't pay, u can't pay. Eventually it will b removed from ur report (5 yrs I believe) n u can start afresh..
Ur NOT a failure for moving back in with ur parents either.I did it when I 1st got married n now we're in our own house .eventually u can get back on ur feet n move out for good..Take it one day at a time my Love. One. day. at. a. time.