Venting Am I too mentally ill to be (romantically) loved?

[jenny6391bubbles]

I feel like I'm mentally stable right now, but one thing my friend told me after a series of dating mishaps this year was that most people will not be able to be in a relationship with someone mentally ill and that fact really sucks. It does really suck, and that's why I want to get better. But it feels so painful that I have to be "normal" in the eyes of most people just so that I can be loved and accepted.

I'm actually getting better at this because I finally learned that I don't have to overshare about my past or justify my behavior to others by bringing up past trauma that happened to me. I don't have to share every single annoying or traumatizing that happened to me to everyone.

I let my attraction to people just stay as it is, as I acknowledge I won't be able to take care of a relationship while I take care of my chronically ill mother. I only will be willing to give my heart and my time to someone who really shows that they won't hurt me.

I remember someone who had liked me compared me to a beautiful flower that must be left alone and not plucked. I wonder if other people see me that way as well.

Well, based on this year, it is better to be single (and not dating anyone) than to suffer from dating and being in the wrong relationship. Got a bit of mental damage from dating a couple of wrong people this year.

 

[martyrdom]

I feel like I'm mentally stable right now, but one thing my friend told me after a series of dating mishaps this year was that most people will not be able to be in a relationship with someone mentally ill and that fact really sucks.

That's a really inconsiderate and cruel thing to say. For what it's worth, I don't think it's true at all. Investing in your mental health and being okay with being single before getting into any relationship is important (for everyone) but that doesn't mean you have to be 100% mentally healthy to be loved (and that doesn't even exist), or that there's some sort of cut off where your problems are too severe for anyone to possibly love you, at least in my own experience. If you have healthy coping mechanisms, the ability to self-soothe to some extent and good communication skills, relationships can work regardless of mental illness and all people need those even if they aren't mentally ill. There are mentally healthy people (whatever that really means) who don't have those skills and their relationships don't work either for that reason.

A lot of my previous girlfriends struggled with mental illness and that in itself was not a problem in our relationship at all. My own issues aren't deterring my girlfriend (despite my best efforts) either.

 

[venerated-vader]

I think it's important to be careful with who you choose to date. I didn't really pursue anyone for a while because I didn't think I was ready. And it's okay to not be ready, because if a bad relationship situation (like a rejection or an early breakup) is going you on a dangerous spiral or something, you might want to wait. So that you can keep your mental health intact. That can take some time, but that doesn't mean its impossible to find a healthy relationship, or that you should forever avoid dating.

A friend of mine with really severe depression has been with her partner for 7 years now, and he also deals with mental health concerns. They understand each other, and have spent years working on themselves prior to even dating. So it took her a long time, true, but it was worth the wait because she found someone who understands her pain AND cares about her enough to support her when she's in a bad spot. Which she does for him, too.

So maybe it'll take a different approach to dating, but you can 1000000% find a healthy relationship so long as you and your potential partner are willing to work on yourselves, too, because relationships can be stressful! But more importantly, if you feel you're not ready yet, give yourself some time to be single so you can focus on yourself. Nothin wrong with that.