Am I the only one who constantly tries to convince myself that If I experience this pain for long enough eventually you'll become numb to it

[somerandomguy123]

Every time I spiral further and further down this dark hole, I try to give myself some sort of hope by thinking that eventually I'll become numb to the pain. It's been over 8 months of thinking this and I can only say it gets worse and although I know I'm wrong part of me still has some hope that I'll maybe become numb to it and be able to live with it.

 

[mirror_mind]

I did become numb eventually. not sure if it's better than the pain, but it's different at least

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

No, for me I see the exhaustion, PTSD and depression getting worse with every passing year until evenutal suffocates me. I know I will succumb before any kind of numbness sets in.

 

[alphaomega]

Some actually get better either through time or help, some feel better as they become better able to bear their burdens, the rest don't. The only way to know which group you are in is to pull up a chair and hindsight will inform you whether or not it was wise.

 

[somerandomguy123]

Some actually get better either through time or help, some feel better as they become better able to bear their burdens, the rest don't. The only way to know which group you are in is to pull up a chair and hindsight will inform you whether or not it was wise.

I wonder how long it'll take to find out. Just this message somehow gave me some sort of hope that things may sort themselves out and 8 months in the grand scheme of things isn't that long. I mean 8 months is a big portion of my life but if I wait I'm just really praying something changes and I can stop considering CTB.

No, for me I see the exhaustion, PTSD and depression getting worse with every passing year until evenutal suffocates me. I know I will succumb before any kind of numbness sets in.

This is what scares me. I've just been getting worse over the last 8 months and if it goes any further I don't think I'll be able to handle it. The main thing stopping me is that once I asked my mother what she'd do if I died and she said that she wouldn't have any reason to live and that she would potentially end it. She didn't mean this in any way to make me feel guilty because she doesn't suspect anything but that's making me definitely hold on in hope of getting better.

I did become numb eventually. not sure if it's better than the pain, but it's different at least

How would you describe numbness. I think I'd take anything over how I feel.

 

[LostInTheWoods]

Yes and i reached that point, i was thinking ok at the of the day life short, i'm already 30, it doesn't take too long for 40-50 years to pass, honestly it amazes me thinking about the fact we're already at the middle of the decade, 2020 seems like yesterday. But then, everytime i reach this mentality, i have other problems wich put me in a distressed place again. If i start a new job, it's not like it's all easy, no, i have problems with coworkers and so i'm like ok i cant stay calm, i just can wait for life to pass because i have anxiety all day

 

[saddavyd]

I think this is probably very common. I feel this and I t's a symptom of loss of hope that whatever you are feeling will go away, or become less painful.

I was already suffering from very difficult circumstances including loss of my son, family, mum, dad, work and other things. Then I sold my house and I've realised that where and how I live has changed from pretty good to unbearable. It was the biggest mistake of my life and the only thing left it that I sit in the pain (I never go out) and wait for myself to become numb to it, or I have a heart attack.

Hope is gone. I'm just existing. The thing is with me, if I don't like my situation, I don't tend to live with it for long. I have already tried to kill myself and I think the achievement of numbness will finally let me ctb without SI getting in the way.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I've gone through it since I was about 8, but probably earlier. I guess I'm (un)lucky since I don't have any memories of anything else. I mean, I'm sure things were good before, and I do definitely know of times that I felt hopeful, but now that the hope is gonna it's just... nothing. At work, it can get pretty bad. Sometimes, when I sleep it can be bad too. Much of the time I feel "neutral" (numb?), which is nice, but sometimes I actually miss the pain since then I'm feeling something. Idk each person's gonna think differently.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I tell myself there's a point where I just won't be able to take the pain anymore and will just automatically numb myself to protect myself. It might be dissociation. I'm feeling like I'm almost there. I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain, and I hope you can reach a comfortable numbness if that's what you want.

 

[Hollowman]

I've become comfortably numb

 

[Despondent_Fondant]

I dont continue thinking ill become numb, I have convinced myself that this is actively good for me, thats why I continue. Sometimes the pain is terrible and I self-harm, and after I always think that, maybe, in some small way it's good for me. People always talk about how a good life takes sacrifice, I figure I sacrifice an awful lot. I remember once my brother told me "The stronger the storm, the stronger the man," maybe I just use things like that to justify how I feel, but all of this pain has to be for something. I mean if feeling like this really is for nothing, and I end up getting nothing out of this, I guess ill have some major regrets.

 

[TiredTurtle]

In my experience it's less that you become "numb" and more that you get used to it, you can learn to live with incredible amounts of pain and function while still dreaming of dying everyday

 

[SleepySept]

Numbness can honestly feel worse, it leaves you stuck forever.
But I learned that sometimes you can subconsciously be healing without realizing it. Mental breakdowns means your brain is at least doing something to make sense of your feelings. And randomly it just "clicks" for you if you try and try.
While feeling numb feels more comfortable, being comfortable is actually what traps people into more pain. But feeling uncomfortable with pain means you at least have will left to escape from it. (Although people turn to suicide at this stage, you can also choose to fight against it)

Also my experience with being numb was that I was just suicidal all the time because I was numb to even the things I should've wanted to live for.

 

[R_N]

I don't see any hope in it. It just pushes me into nihilism and seeing my own body as robotic.

Sure not having emotional attachments puts me in more comfortable state than I would be in otherwise, but I just see it as necessary "evil".

If you are not blind and you don't feel life, you become apathetic "monster".

I am using dramatic words because for me the change is too radical and my emotional side is losing the fight every day so it needs to make it more important than it is.

We are just bodies in the end. What we think or do won't matter when we die.