hexd
I draw with silver, and it turns red.
- May 3, 2023
- 46
my entire life ive been delt w/ pretty unfortunate cards. my biological father left me w/ a abusive, drunk of a mother.
i sought out a supportive group as a kid on telegram where me, and a bunch of others would sh , do nsfw photos, a mixture for a bunch of ppl. who would give us "points" and tons of praise.
i started doing it at school since i thought nothing of it being "bad". they called Child protective services and i had to go into first a regular hospital for questioning, and then a mental hospital.
my mother told me to just say i was "upset" to the doctors or i would nvr see her again. so i did.
my whole life has been just that, covering my destroyed arm to protect myself from the shame. but for awhile it kept the urges to CTB away.
im an adult now, i make roughly 127k a yr, i have a beautiful friend group and a important status. i have animals, i (was) in a relationship for six years, and yet i still want to CTB. even when im not going through an episode its all i want, its just a perfect solution to everything. i don't deserve the small success i have.
and even IF i decided to CTB right now there's almost no way to do it. yea i know abt the megathread on methods but none really stick out to me. i would prefer using a firearm but i live in New York so getting my hands on one that is good enough is near impossible. buying sn is possible but i would rather not risk getting scammed. im so desperate for the screams to just go away. i wish i just wasnt here.
everyone i talk too just refuses to understand. i mean i word things weird but i try my best. i just want a quick way out, in my home. i hate everything about this world and the people in it. i don't even know what im saying anymore
i sought out a supportive group as a kid on telegram where me, and a bunch of others would sh , do nsfw photos, a mixture for a bunch of ppl. who would give us "points" and tons of praise.
i started doing it at school since i thought nothing of it being "bad". they called Child protective services and i had to go into first a regular hospital for questioning, and then a mental hospital.
my mother told me to just say i was "upset" to the doctors or i would nvr see her again. so i did.
my whole life has been just that, covering my destroyed arm to protect myself from the shame. but for awhile it kept the urges to CTB away.
im an adult now, i make roughly 127k a yr, i have a beautiful friend group and a important status. i have animals, i (was) in a relationship for six years, and yet i still want to CTB. even when im not going through an episode its all i want, its just a perfect solution to everything. i don't deserve the small success i have.
and even IF i decided to CTB right now there's almost no way to do it. yea i know abt the megathread on methods but none really stick out to me. i would prefer using a firearm but i live in New York so getting my hands on one that is good enough is near impossible. buying sn is possible but i would rather not risk getting scammed. im so desperate for the screams to just go away. i wish i just wasnt here.
everyone i talk too just refuses to understand. i mean i word things weird but i try my best. i just want a quick way out, in my home. i hate everything about this world and the people in it. i don't even know what im saying anymore
