Am I selfish for wanting to die?

[losersclub]

I would say that I am relatively still young. Everyone tells me "You have your whole life ahead of you". Regardless of that, I often think about death. I have two loving parents, who try to help me to most of their capability, but I can see them starting to give up. I have a younger brother, who is nothing but sweet to me. I have many friends, who all support and love me. And still, I wake up every day wanting to die. There must be something wrong with me, I have so much in life, and all I think about is death.

I often read other's stories on SS, and people genuinely have it so bad. My story is the opposite, so why am I so depressed and anxious all the time? And to be honest, I want to live so badly. I really do, but I am in such constant mental pain every day, I don't think I can keep going much longer. I have multiple panic attacks a day, and zero motivation to do anything. I don't want to keep burdening my parents with my "mental health problems" and put them through that pain again and again. However, I know my death will cause them pain too. What should I do?

 

[unabletocope]

No

 

[Sulyya]

It's so difficult. You can have everything in the world but your brain is going to do what it wants.. and for some of us that's constant desire to die. It's not selfish imo because it's an affliction.

 

[sugarh1gh]

You are definitely not selfish. I believe we have total right to our own decision, and it shouldn't be affected by others when it comes to ctb.

I unfortunately don't have loving parents/family, but even if you do, ctb is not selfish act. You have your own feelings and depriveness. There is nothing wrong with you. I really want you to remember that.

Personally, I hate when people tell me I need to continue living because I am young and have way ahead of me. It makes me more tired and motivates to ctb.

 

[Mirrory Me]

How is your mental condition treated? It could be about something physiological. Do you take medicine, diet, etc?

 

[Kalista]

I would say that I am relatively still young. Everyone tells me "You have your whole life ahead of you". Regardless of that, I often think about death. I have two loving parents, who try to help me to most of their capability, but I can see them starting to give up. I have a younger brother, who is nothing but sweet to me. I have many friends, who all support and love me. And still, I wake up every day wanting to die. There must be something wrong with me, I have so much in life, and all I think about is death.

I often read other's stories on SS, and people genuinely have it so bad. My story is the opposite, so why am I so depressed and anxious all the time? And to be honest, I want to live so badly. I really do, but I am in such constant mental pain every day, I don't think I can keep going much longer. I have multiple panic attacks a day, and zero motivation to do anything. I don't want to keep burdening my parents with my "mental health problems" and put them through that pain again and again. However, I know my death will cause them pain too. What should I do?

don't compare your struggle with others. just because you don't experience the same problems as the ones that 'have it worse' doesn't mean you can't become depressed and anxious still. the pain threshold of each person is different even when the circumstances are similar.

no, you're not selfish for it. it'll always be your life to continue or end no matter what the reasoning is.

 

[AbusedInnocent]

I don't know exactly how your friends and family will feel about your death but I doubt their pain while grieving will be greater than your pain of living out the rest of your life.

 

[tfnb]

Life isn't a race to the finish to see who has it worse, it's painful and tormenting for some, and it's beyond their control.

My advice would be to find one really good friend. Someone who knows your flaws and sees them for the struggle they are, and not a negative personality trait. Sometimes company is all that we need.

I loathe the idea that CTB is selfish. That's such a hypocrisy. It comes directly from the selfishness of others, and their inability to empathize. People get stuck in their own lives and forget to try to feel what others are going through. They get caught up in the latest political trend, whatever the cause of the day is, their work life balance, or their family dynamic. Everyone is struggling with something self imposed, external, or inside themselves and it's not your fault that your brain is an asshole. Trust me, from someone whose brain is also an asshole.

If you haven't sought medication form your panic attacks and depression then I'd try. Being able to physically cope might be night and day for you. Counselling is also an option but many of us find it more draining and infuriating than not going, so proceed at your own risk.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Wanting to die is not selfish rather it's self care.

 

[brood]

Seeking peace is not selfish.

 

[MikUma]

I would say that I am relatively still young. Everyone tells me "You have your whole life ahead of you". Regardless of that, I often think about death. I have two loving parents, who try to help me to most of their capability, but I can see them starting to give up. I have a younger brother, who is nothing but sweet to me. I have many friends, who all support and love me. And still, I wake up every day wanting to die. There must be something wrong with me, I have so much in life, and all I think about is death.

I often read other's stories on SS, and people genuinely have it so bad. My story is the opposite, so why am I so depressed and anxious all the time? And to be honest, I want to live so badly. I really do, but I am in such constant mental pain every day, I don't think I can keep going much longer. I have multiple panic attacks a day, and zero motivation to do anything. I don't want to keep burdening my parents with my "mental health problems" and put them through that pain again and again. However, I know my death will cause them pain too. What should I do?

I 100% can relate to this. I have an incredibly supportive family and peer group that do their best, but I still find myself asking the same questions of "am I too selfish for wanting to die?". I think it's all up to you and to what you think, but being the negative person I am who always talks down on themself, I just tell myself I'm selfish here and in general. I think that I am selfish to have such a good, amazing, well off life, when I know some peopel don't have the house I live in, people don't have the support groups I have, some people don't have my family or my school. I don't know what it's like out in the "real world," where it's not all just a fancy, rich, city, and I know I'm just living a gated life in a gated city without city gates. I know that I'm selfish for hating it, but I also know that there's nothing wrong with wanting to die. There's a difference, I think, between thinking I'm selfish, vs. knowing if it's okay or not, and if there's a difference, I might as well ignore it, because what will I do? Shoot myself? (hahahaaha) I don't have the opinion to say if you're selfish or not, that's all up to you to decide, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to die or wanting to kill yourself. Everyone here does, and we all support eachother. I hope this helps..

 

[AWeepingWidower]

By definition? Yes, but that doesn't make a decision an inherently bad thing.

My honest advice is to give therapy and counseling a "college try" before you commit to anything. Sometimes we're just wired differently then other people. And there's no shame in needing medication either. Sometimes we find meaning where we least expect it as well. I won't even remotely try to tell you what to do, nor will I try to belittle what you go through. But, you know. Sometimes we have to think about ourselves and come to the decisions in life that are truly right for us. Obviously as a grieving sentimental millennial I hope things work out for you in the positive sense, but I truly hope you find peace.

I truly hope this isn't received negatively as it isn't intended to be.

 

[ImTelling]

Either way we are going to Hell. I'll be one of those trees in Dante's Inferno for those who kill themselves. That's what we will be at the end of all this.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, the selfish ones are those who expect others to continue suffering no matter what. Suicide is a personal decision that can only be made by the individual, it's not something for others to have a say in and decide.