Venting Am I really going to CTB over this?

[WhiskeyHands]

Over something like a breakup. How stupid and pathetic is that? Yet I don't see any other way to stop the pain, tears, and intrusive thoughts. This has cut me deep and left a heavy scar on my heart. I've had my heart broken before, but this is different. I have my own personal issues, and this break up just feels like the final push I've needed. I've lost her and so much of myself and my identity in the process. I've always had some suicidal ideations, but it's never been anything like this. The noose is ready, really just waiting for that final straw moment.

 

[FuneralCry]

There are no such thing as 'stupid' reasons for ctb. It's a personal decision when to leave this world and as humans after all, we all have different limits as to what we can cope with in this life. Our fate as humans is to die anyway and staying alive is just delaying the inevitable, so there's nothing wrong with deciding to leave at a time of our own choosing and it isn't like suicide even needs a reason in the first place, only you can decide when to leave. Your feelings of not wanting to suffer are understandable, existing really can be painful. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[deadliftEnjoyer]

I feel you. The breakup is not the reason for CTB, it's just the tipping point.

I had some issues before, and already contemplated suicide, but she fixed me for a while. She believed in me when I myself didn't, pushed me to reach my goals.

I don't think it's too healthy for anyone to fall in love before solving your personal issues, since they will come back with a vengeance once the SO is gone.

 

[WhiskeyHands]

There are no such thing as 'stupid' reasons for ctb. It's a personal decision when to leave this world and as humans after all, we all have different limits as to what we can cope with in this life. Our fate as humans is to die anyway and staying alive is just delaying the inevitable, so there's nothing wrong with deciding to leave at a time of our own choosing and it isn't like suicide even needs a reason in the first place, only you can decide when to leave. Your feelings of not wanting to suffer are understandable, existing really can be painful. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

Just seems to be the vibe I've picked up from some members in similar posts here and on other forums. Thank you for your kind words.

I feel you. The breakup is not the reason for CTB, it's just the tipping point.

I had some issues before, and already contemplated suicide, but she fixed me for a while. She believed in me when I myself didn't, pushed me to reach my goals.

I don't think it's too healthy for anyone to fall in love before solving your personal issues, since they will come back with a vengeance once the SO is gone.

I guess it's the grief of losing the future that stings deeply. I was going to propose last month, we wanted to try having a kid at the start of next year. She was the only person that ever accepted me 100% for who I was. I also lost her daughter who I was very close with for the 3.5 years we were together. So really it's a double loss. To be honest I'm not even entirely sure why we broke up, because I was never granted that conversation. I have my ideas but nothing concrete. I agree, I'm feeling the affects of neglecting my mental health and personal issues for so long.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Heartbreak is really painful and it sounds like you're in the immediate aftermath of it so things are of course going to be especially raw. It is clear this breakup represents a devastating loss for you. It's even tougher when we are not given any closure and are left to speculate and wonder with no real hope for clarity. Sometimes one thing, even if it doesn't seem serious enough, can put you over the edge, especially if you've been contemplating suicide for a long time. You wouldn't be the first person to feel pushed to your limit because of a breakup. I suppose I would still recommend waiting a little more to see how your feelings settle before making the decision to CTB.

 

[WhiskeyHands]

Heartbreak is really painful and it sounds like you're in the immediate aftermath of it so things are of course going to be especially raw. It is clear this breakup represents a devastating loss for you. It's even tougher when we are not given any closure and are left to speculate and wonder with no real hope for clarity. Sometimes one thing, even if it doesn't seem serious enough, can put you over the edge, especially if you've been contemplating suicide for a long time. You wouldn't be the first person to feel pushed to your limit because of a breakup. I suppose I would still recommend waiting a little more to see how your feelings settle before making the decision to CTB.

It's 3 months post breakup. 2 months no contact initiated by me. It's a huge loss. Sounds messed up, but this hurts worse then when my dad passed in 2018. I'll be 31 on Wednesday and I just don't if I have the drive to do this again. It's just caused all these other negatives thoughts and feelings I've had about myself for a long time to resurface. Any other breakup I've been healed and moved on by now. Thinking of giving it until the 6 month mark and I'll see how to proceed from there. Just feels like I need to create my own closure.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Sounds messed up, but this hurts worse then when my dad passed in 2018.

Feelings are what they are, being passive experiences. If this caused more grief than your dad's death then that's just how you feel and it's not wrong.

Sounds like the relationship with your ex had something special that your prior relationships didn't. Like you said she accepted you fully which is something very rare so of course it's going to hurt. But I think waiting a little more with these feelings isn't a terrible feeling. Even though this breakup was different, the fact is still that you have managed to heal from all the others. So I don't think that's a ruled out possibility for this one.