15dec
ember in the dark
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,550
TLDR; my 35 year old sister wanted to sleep over at mine and our mum's house because the parking space outside her house was already taken, and she didn't want to walk further to her house. She wanted to bring her aggressive dog, which would make our dogs howl/bark all night, which could lead to my parents getting another noise complaint and possibly a fine, which we can't afford. There's also the chance that her dog would get to ours, and he would probably attack them. I calmly called my dad and asked if he could speak to my mum and get her to make my sister leave to avoid this. I ended up getting shouted at by my mum and sister and painted as a bad person for this. So, was I unreasonable or even cruel not to want my sister to sleep over?
For some background information, my sister is 35 and has a very aggressive, loud male dog. My parents and I have two female dogs, who can be loud/whiny which led to us getting noise complaints a while ago. When I was younger (about 3-7 years old) my sister would hit me, pinch me, etc, and to this day continues to belittle me for my appearance and on several occasions when I was 12/13 told me to kill myself. As my mum can't drive and my dad works away, we usually rely on her for transport if we need it. My sister also demands that my mum goes with her wherever she wants or needs to go -like her doctor appointments and vet appointments. I don't think she's ever done these things alone. There's also a large age gap between my sister and I.
Today, my sister needed to take her dog to the vets, so obviously out mum had to go with her. I came too, because I hoped we'd go to a supermarket afterwards so I could get some ingredients to cook. However it took a long time at the vets so we didn't.
Instead, my sister suggested we got McDonald's. I agreed since it was late and there wasn't really time to cook. When my sister dropped me and our mum back at our house, she decided she needed to sleep over tonight, with her dog.
Apparently, she has to do this when the parking space directly outside her house is taken. For some reason, she won't park anywhere else, even if it's only a minute or two walk away.
There are a few reasons why I don't like my sister sleeping at our house.
One, when her dog is at our house, our dogs freak out and end up constantly howling and barking, and obviously he does the same back. Then my sister screams at them all night. I end up not getting any sleep (especially annoying since I have college tomorrow), and we're more likely to get another noise complaint, which is the last thing my family needs, and at this point would get us in a bit of trouble. Also, as I already mentioned, her dog is aggressive and has even bitten people before. If he managed to get to one of our dogs, he'd probably attack them.
Two, we just don't get along for obvious reasons. It's a pretty reason, I'll be honest, but it's a reason nonetheless.
Three, I just think that "I can't park outside my house" isn't a real reason for a 35 year old woman to sleep over at her parent's house. I'd understand if something bad had happened and it was comfort, or she didn't see my mum much -but not wanting to have to walk a few minutes more to your car and back isn't a real reason as far as I'm concerned. Plus, she sees our mum and speaks to her more than I do -and I live with her! She constantly calls my mum and they're almost always on the phone to each other, and they see each other several times a week, and honestly I feel like I've been pushed to the side (which my mum is aware of).
Anyway, I (calmly) called my dad to ask him to sort it out when my sister tried to sleep over. This ended with my sister screaming at me about how I'm "not her sister anymore" and that she'll never do favours for me and our mum again. The favour she apparently did today, was take us to McDonald's, after she offered to drive us there. She didn't pay for our meals, our mum did. Keep in mind that we went to the vets with her when there wasn't really any need for us to help her do that, which took a couple of hours out of our day and meant we didn't have enough time to cook an actual dinner.
So, my sister stormed out and has decided that she isn't going to help me or our mum with anything ever again. This causes a few problems for us, like not being able to get to doctors, shops, etc easily (buses where we live are awful).
I think she's overreacting -our mum (she's nearly 60 and works ridiculously hard at several jobs) does lots for my sister that she doesn't need to do, like coming with her to her doctor appointments, going shopping with her, helping her fix her car, and going to check on her dog when she's working (it's a thirty minute walk from our house to hers, and my sister expects our mum to do this in all weather. I don't think I've ever heard her thank our mum for this, either).
Our mum also tries to make things more convenient for my sister when we need her help getting somewhere. If we need to do food shopping, she does with my sister and does it when she does, so my sister doesn't make an extra, unessecary trip. If one of us needs a doctors appointment, my mum tries to book it on days my sister also has an appointment, or days when she's working, so we can go with her when she leaves and she isn't making extra trips for us.
All in all, I don't think her giving us lifts when we need them is a huge inconvenience for her. If anything, I think my mum is more inconvenienced when my sister expects her to accompany her to virtually everything in her life except for her job.
After that fiasco was over, my mum was angry at me for calling my dad, and guilt tripped me for not wanting my sister to stay the night (despite the consequences it could have). She complained that I was upset over it, and more or less said that it was my fault that my sister is apparently not going to do anything for us anymore, basically saying that I'd screwed us over. Maybe I have, but if we get another noise complaint we could end up with a hefty fine we can't afford (or worse, if her dog manages to attack one of ours), and I think that's a lot worse than my sister having to walk a minute or two to her house instead of the usual thirty seconds.
For some background information, my sister is 35 and has a very aggressive, loud male dog. My parents and I have two female dogs, who can be loud/whiny which led to us getting noise complaints a while ago. When I was younger (about 3-7 years old) my sister would hit me, pinch me, etc, and to this day continues to belittle me for my appearance and on several occasions when I was 12/13 told me to kill myself. As my mum can't drive and my dad works away, we usually rely on her for transport if we need it. My sister also demands that my mum goes with her wherever she wants or needs to go -like her doctor appointments and vet appointments. I don't think she's ever done these things alone. There's also a large age gap between my sister and I.
Today, my sister needed to take her dog to the vets, so obviously out mum had to go with her. I came too, because I hoped we'd go to a supermarket afterwards so I could get some ingredients to cook. However it took a long time at the vets so we didn't.
Instead, my sister suggested we got McDonald's. I agreed since it was late and there wasn't really time to cook. When my sister dropped me and our mum back at our house, she decided she needed to sleep over tonight, with her dog.
Apparently, she has to do this when the parking space directly outside her house is taken. For some reason, she won't park anywhere else, even if it's only a minute or two walk away.
There are a few reasons why I don't like my sister sleeping at our house.
One, when her dog is at our house, our dogs freak out and end up constantly howling and barking, and obviously he does the same back. Then my sister screams at them all night. I end up not getting any sleep (especially annoying since I have college tomorrow), and we're more likely to get another noise complaint, which is the last thing my family needs, and at this point would get us in a bit of trouble. Also, as I already mentioned, her dog is aggressive and has even bitten people before. If he managed to get to one of our dogs, he'd probably attack them.
Two, we just don't get along for obvious reasons. It's a pretty reason, I'll be honest, but it's a reason nonetheless.
Three, I just think that "I can't park outside my house" isn't a real reason for a 35 year old woman to sleep over at her parent's house. I'd understand if something bad had happened and it was comfort, or she didn't see my mum much -but not wanting to have to walk a few minutes more to your car and back isn't a real reason as far as I'm concerned. Plus, she sees our mum and speaks to her more than I do -and I live with her! She constantly calls my mum and they're almost always on the phone to each other, and they see each other several times a week, and honestly I feel like I've been pushed to the side (which my mum is aware of).
Anyway, I (calmly) called my dad to ask him to sort it out when my sister tried to sleep over. This ended with my sister screaming at me about how I'm "not her sister anymore" and that she'll never do favours for me and our mum again. The favour she apparently did today, was take us to McDonald's, after she offered to drive us there. She didn't pay for our meals, our mum did. Keep in mind that we went to the vets with her when there wasn't really any need for us to help her do that, which took a couple of hours out of our day and meant we didn't have enough time to cook an actual dinner.
So, my sister stormed out and has decided that she isn't going to help me or our mum with anything ever again. This causes a few problems for us, like not being able to get to doctors, shops, etc easily (buses where we live are awful).
I think she's overreacting -our mum (she's nearly 60 and works ridiculously hard at several jobs) does lots for my sister that she doesn't need to do, like coming with her to her doctor appointments, going shopping with her, helping her fix her car, and going to check on her dog when she's working (it's a thirty minute walk from our house to hers, and my sister expects our mum to do this in all weather. I don't think I've ever heard her thank our mum for this, either).
Our mum also tries to make things more convenient for my sister when we need her help getting somewhere. If we need to do food shopping, she does with my sister and does it when she does, so my sister doesn't make an extra, unessecary trip. If one of us needs a doctors appointment, my mum tries to book it on days my sister also has an appointment, or days when she's working, so we can go with her when she leaves and she isn't making extra trips for us.
All in all, I don't think her giving us lifts when we need them is a huge inconvenience for her. If anything, I think my mum is more inconvenienced when my sister expects her to accompany her to virtually everything in her life except for her job.
After that fiasco was over, my mum was angry at me for calling my dad, and guilt tripped me for not wanting my sister to stay the night (despite the consequences it could have). She complained that I was upset over it, and more or less said that it was my fault that my sister is apparently not going to do anything for us anymore, basically saying that I'd screwed us over. Maybe I have, but if we get another noise complaint we could end up with a hefty fine we can't afford (or worse, if her dog manages to attack one of ours), and I think that's a lot worse than my sister having to walk a minute or two to her house instead of the usual thirty seconds.
