Am I already dead?

[Sleepdrifter]

The reason for this question is strange. I'm 41, have already attempted multiple attempts on my life. For most recent years, I've been living quite healthily.

Is this really true? I don't eat, sleep, can't find a job, my only occupation is my degree. I drink like crazy, and it doesn't seem to matter how much I drink, or eat, or forget to eat or sleep. It's still waking up to the same worthless life.

This doesn't make sense except: maybe this isn't being alive. Am I dead? Nothing's worse than repetition, and here is repetition. Or loneliness, and here is loneliness. Or faithlessness, and here is faithlessness.

They say there is freedom, but where? Everything I want is expensive. Everything I don't want is reaching for me. That isn't freedom.

I wonder if, the person typing right now, is dead. That this is an illusion, and the past so many years were a lie, and sometime I died somewhere, in a gutter, to end up in some strange other place. That I'm not even that person anymore but an unfortunate being who crossed upon an even more unfortunate being and was thrown into its husk to pretend this was a better life than the wretched thing it came from. Who are we both fooling.

 

[DinoDaAltaTCPCacaRt]

You seems pretty alive to me

 

[oddetoad]

It's definatley possible we are in some kind of purgatory

Everything here feels dead to me. I don't feel one day has any life to it. Nor the people surrounding me.

 

[kelimackie]

I think you're psychotic

 

[oddetoad]

I think you're psychotic

You realise where you are right? Sometimes a comment is enough to push people in the direction of CTB. Just saying be mindful what you type please.

 

[DinoDaAltaTCPCacaRt]

You realise where you are right? Sometimes a comment is enough to push people in the direction of CTB. Just saying be mindful what you type please.

Dont take me bad, isnt that the main goal of this forum? Thats not the recovery page

 

[LetMeBeSad]

The reason for this question is strange. I'm 41, have already attempted multiple attempts on my life. For most recent years, I've been living quite healthily.

Is this really true? I don't eat, sleep, can't find a job, my only occupation is my degree. I drink like crazy, and it doesn't seem to matter how much I drink, or eat, or forget to eat or sleep. It's still waking up to the same worthless life.

This doesn't make sense except: maybe this isn't being alive. Am I dead? Nothing's worse than repetition, and here is repetition. Or loneliness, and here is loneliness. Or faithlessness, and here is faithlessness.

They say there is freedom, but where? Everything I want is expensive. Everything I don't want is reaching for me. That isn't freedom.

I wonder if, the person typing right now, is dead. That this is an illusion, and the past so many years were a lie, and sometime I died somewhere, in a gutter, to end up in some strange other place. That I'm not even that person anymore but an unfortunate being who crossed upon an even more unfortunate being and was thrown into its husk to pretend this was a better life than the wretched thing it came from. Who are we both fooling.

Yes, it does feel like that.

 

[kelimackie]

You realise where you are right? Sometimes a comment is enough to push people in the direction of CTB. Just saying be mindful what you type please.

everyone here wants to CTB, it's the suicide forum.

 

[tsykoais]

you're probably just emotionally checked out of life just like the rest of us on this forum

 

[thewalkingdread]

I feel like I'm genuinely dead inside... Like a zombie. Maybe you do too...

 

[vitbar]

I have often asked myself the same. I don't really believe it, but the question gets close to expressing my experiences.

When I googled about it I was shocked to find the idea in a positive light. People find the concept of living as though dead to be liberating. Similar to living as though it was your last day. Burdens lifted.

For me it is the yawning emptiness of my existence. The sense of loss over what could have been. The absence felt as with a recently lost tooth.

I think you're psychotic

My guess is they are being poetic. Never know I suppose.

 

[Abyssal]

If this is death I'm surely in hell.

 

[oddetoad]

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everyone here wants to CTB, it's the suicide forum.

No? Not everyone here have decided to CTB. Besides, even if they were, there's no reason to push someone over the edge with a comment.
I was also trying to save your conscience because I don't think you would be so happy if you saw his/hers goodbye thread tomorrow etc.

 

[ChildishEgg]

The reason for this question is strange. I'm 41, have already attempted multiple attempts on my life. For most recent years, I've been living quite healthily.

Is this really true? I don't eat, sleep, can't find a job, my only occupation is my degree. I drink like crazy, and it doesn't seem to matter how much I drink, or eat, or forget to eat or sleep. It's still waking up to the same worthless life.

This doesn't make sense except: maybe this isn't being alive. Am I dead? Nothing's worse than repetition, and here is repetition. Or loneliness, and here is loneliness. Or faithlessness, and here is faithlessness.

They say there is freedom, but where? Everything I want is expensive. Everything I don't want is reaching for me. That isn't freedom.

I wonder if, the person typing right now, is dead. That this is an illusion, and the past so many years were a lie, and sometime I died somewhere, in a gutter, to end up in some strange other place. That I'm not even that person anymore but an unfortunate being who crossed upon an even more unfortunate being and was thrown into its husk to pretend this was a better life than the wretched thing it came from. Who are we both fooli

Keep living like this and you should be dead within the year. But considering I am reading this, you are not dead. Also, you probably have a mental disorder and also a mental illness. They might stick you in a psych ward but you should probably get that checked out. Doctors can be hard to trust, I understand that on a personal level. But they did save my life.