Help Am I alone in feeling like no therapist gets me and that I'd be better off having a friend ?

[Marine]

Seriously, I've tested yet another one (psychologist, I've thankfully completely removed psychiatry from my life), and I still feel like I'm not understood at all and they offer no concrete solution or breakthrough of any kind... Like they're just prolonging my agony for no reason. I've been seing therapists of all kinds for 20+ years by now (started as a child). I feel like I've made more progress by myself but am lacking someone to talk to, be helped and supported when I'm lost. It's way easier to talk to people outside of formal, time bound situations too.

 

[WhiteDespair]

what do you mean by "gets me"?

 

[Marine]

what do you mean by "gets me"?

Understands me.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Understands me.

what constitutes when someone "understands you" and not?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Well, then I think you're in the right place. The majority people here are very supportive and kind. Also, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me anytime. I wish you the best.

 

[clown_17]

Supportive psychotherapy (the main method of treatment today) really exists to be a low quality friend replacement. Someone to give you advice on your day to day life problems and teach you a few simple tips on coping, while staying empathetic. In fact a friend would do better because you can at least have fun and be casual with them.

But yeah I struggle to find a therapist who understands me. My current one isn't that bad but she's still not getting it

 

[Manaaja]

I know what you mean. For example, if one is a 20 year old antinatalist dog-loving bisexual libertarian girl and their psychologist is a 62 year old conversative animal-hating natalist homophobic man boomer with grandkids, there's a big chance they won't understand each other.

I knew someone who talked about fear of getting raped and pregnant and their old man psychologist couldn't understand what the big deal was about getting raped or pregnant.

Often it needs to be the same gender, political values, religious beliefs, age, etc.

Nothing worse than someone making fun of your fears or beliefs or values or not being taken seriously.

 

[Marine]

Well, then I think you're in the right place. The majority people here are very supportive and kind. Also, if you need someone to talk to you can PM me anytime. I wish you the best.

Thank you.

I do feel mostly understood and supported here, the issue is that people don't seem to have a solution to my situation, which is what a therapist is for. A friend doing better than us out there might help as well. Most people here are just as stuck as I am if not worse and people who have found a way out of hell no longer visit this site I suppose...

Supportive psychotherapy (the main method of treatment today) really exists to be a low quality friend replacement. Someone to give you advice on your day to day life problems and teach you a few simple tips on coping, while staying empathetic. In fact a friend would do better because you can at least have fun and be casual with them.

But yeah I struggle to find a therapist who understands me. My current one isn't that bad but she's still not getting it

The point of therapy is to help you find a solution to your issues. It can't even be a friend replacement because they don't choose you to be a part of their life, you or taxes pay them to see you, it's not because they genuinely appreciate or care about you, so it doesn't have the inherent worth a friend would.

Now they're supposed to have enough knowledge of psychology and experience with other people to be able to help you, yet most of them know nothing about how complex trauma works, or how lack of love kills people and what it feels like to not exist, be annihilated and the torture that leads to suicide.

The last one dared to tell me that anorexia was worse than bulimia when I (and I think the vast majority of ED sufferers) would choose anorexia ANY DAY in a heartbeat over the hell of bulimia (especially non vomitive bulimia, the type I suffer from), not having a body or a sense of self anymore, not being able to trust yourself or live to your values and being ego dystonic. At least anorexia is ego syntonic.

 

[whatevs]

Exactly. I figured out at some point that what I needed were actual friends, not people paid obscenely high amounts of money to talk to me and feign caring. You get that for fucking free with friends! I know because I used to have them.

The thing is, sometimes you are in a spot where you can't get any. Friendship is just like good digestion or orgasms, it looks so mundane and trivial, 'it's a given', but once you lose the ability to have it you see how delicate, complex and fortunate your previous situation was. It just seemed simple and robust.

 

[cooldude420]

I have a broad and healthy social circle. Everyone agrees that I need to see a therapist. Just showing that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. But, you should still go make high quality friends.

 

[Marine]

I know what you mean. For example, if one is a 20 year old antinatalist dog-loving bisexual libertarian girl and their psychologist is a 62 year old conversative animal-hating natalist homophobic man boomer with grandkids, there's a big chance they won't understand each other.

I knew someone who talked about fear of getting raped and pregnant and their old man psychologist couldn't understand what the big deal was about getting raped or pregnant.

Often it needs to be the same gender, political values, religious beliefs, age, etc.

Nothing worse than someone making fun of your fears or beliefs or values or not being taken seriously.

They're supposed to understand stuff based on their experience with seeing all kinds of people but generally there i a cruel lack of knowledge about specific but severe issues like complex trauma and eating disorders so they're not much help where it matters the most. Plus it's true that we relate more to some or others depending on their personality, gender, age and views of the world.

One therapist I'm seeing (I'm seeing several at the same time) is an old man who looks like Santa Claus, and while he's a nice guy he seems to have outdated views and I can't really talk openly about female stuff let's say.

Yep, what I'm experiencing all the time and that keeps killing me...

I have a broad and healthy social circle. Everyone agrees that I need to see a therapist. Just showing that the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. But, you should still go make high quality friends.

Everyone agreeing doesn't mean that you do need it. Maybe your friends aren't very good friends or they suck at psychology / supporting someone. I've seen therapists for 20+ years and in my case what I need is a significant other and friends. Period. I work on myself more efficiently by myself and interacting while people and life. I've seen that being true with most people as long as they find others caring enough to truly listen without judging and support them. The thing is people care less and less, one reason being that we're told to see therapist for every problem in our lives, whereas before those issues were solved within the community much more efficently.

Exactly. I figured out at some point that what I needed were actual friends, not people paid obscenely high amounts of money to talk to me and feign caring. You get that for fucking free with friends! I know because I used to have them.

The thing is, sometimes you are in a spot where you can't get any. Friendship is just like good digestion or orgasms, it looks so mundane and trivial, 'it's a given', but once you lose the ability to have it you see how delicate, complex and fortunate your previous situation was. It just seemed simple and robust.

I've never had most things that are "a given" to the majority of human beings because of trauma. What do you consider is necessary to make friends ?

 

[whatevs]

I've never had most things that are "a given" to the majority of human beings because of trauma. What do you consider is necessary to make friends ?

Basically being relatable. You need to fit in a certain profile or group or forget about it. This is why the longer one is weird and friendless the harder it is to get friends. You are out of the loop.

For example. I'm a 30 yo virgin with uncommon interests. Not much in common with people of my age, or anyone for that matter.

 

[WhiteDespair]

They're supposed to understand stuff based on their experience with seeing all kinds of people but generally there i a cruel lack of knowledge about specific but severe issues like complex trauma and eating disorders so they're not much help where it matters the most. Plus it's true that we relate more to some or others depending on their personality, gender, age and views of the world.

One therapist I'm seeing (I'm seeing several at the same time) is an old man who looks like Santa Claus, and while he's a nice guy he seems to have outdated views and I can't really talk openly about female stuff let's say.

Yep, what I'm experiencing all the time and that keeps killing me...

same reason I only take male therapists.

main thing I learned about therapy is that it's up to you to get the therapist to understand. people will not "get" or "understand" until you can help them to.

I've directly stated stuff to my therapist to tell him what's going on. like, I can't answer "how are you?" questions, when you try to push an answer out of me I will get annoyed and uncooperative, and I am one of those people who say that they don't care about something and actually mean that as a disinterest in a subject rather than avoidance of the subject.

answering the question of "what do I mean when I want people to understand me?" helps to figure out what you're looking to do and ways to go about it.

people are more understanding than you'd think. phrasing your experience in ways they recognize cuts through the bullshit.

meme photos are outstanding in this regard. if mpa can show me what living with ed is like, memes can show others. I have sent my therapist memes and specifically stated that the meme was pretty damn close to my experiences.

 

[Marine]

Basically being relatable. You need to fit in a certain profile or group or forget about it. This is why the longer one is weird and friendless the harder it is to get friends. You are out of the loop.

For example. I'm a 30 yo virgin with uncommon interests. Not much in common with people of my age, or anyone for that matter.

I do think I'm relatable though. I'm often told that as a matter of fact, plus that I'm sociable, nice, fun to be with, and I have a lot of interests shared by many people, I'm naturally curious and care about people. The one thing that seems to be an obstacle is my trauma / suffering and how a lot of people don't get it at all. Some people get it but often not the ones I'm interested in. I have this issue where most people I'm interested in reject me and those who come to me don't interest me... Since the plandemic it's exceedingly hard to meet people too because I've lost everything with no way back, the only places where there are people are bars but I can't seem to find a pretext to talk to random strangers most of the time and my self esteem / confidence has disappeared with my bulimia related weight gain and a long series of horrendous experiences with relationships... No one ever comes to talk to me either in those situations, it makes me feel like Quasimodo...

 

[WhiteDespair]

Basically being relatable. You need to fit in a certain profile or group or forget about it. This is why the longer one is weird and friendless the harder it is to get friends. You are out of the loop.

For example. I'm a 30 yo virgin with uncommon interests. Not much in common with people of my age, or anyone for that matter.

it's better to be weird out of the gate because then people associate you with being weird so you "get away with" a lot of stuff. because, you're just being you.

I represent your second statement except with a decade on you.

 

[Marine]

same reason I only take male therapists.

main thing I learned about therapy is that it's up to you to get the therapist to understand. people will not "get" or "understand" until you can help them to.

I've directly stated stuff to my therapist to tell him what's going on. like, I can't answer "how are you?" questions, when you try to push an answer out of me I will get annoyed and uncooperative, and I am one of those people who say that they don't care about something and actually mean that as a disinterest in a subject rather than avoidance of the subject.

answering the question of "what do I mean when I want people to understand me?" helps to figure out what you're looking to do and ways to go about it.

people are more understanding than you'd think. phrasing your experience in ways they recognize cuts through the bullshit.

meme photos are outstanding in this regard. if mpa can show me what living with ed is like, memes can show others. I have sent my therapist memes and specifically stated that the meme was pretty damn close to my experiences.

I explain stuff at length to them from the get go, I'm very straightforward, but no matter how I phrase it there are things people don't understand because they have no experience of it and / or too little knowledge.

Sometimes I wish I could make them read the stuff I write since I seem to find my words much more easily when I write.

But often my words are just lost on people unfortunately.

The thing with memes is that I live in France and most of the material I read / watch on the internet is either in english or japanese, so I can't really show them that. ^^

If I ever find anything in french that isn't cringe I'll consider it.

I see we have a fellow MPA user here ^^

it's better to be weird out of the gate because then people associate you with being weird so you "get away with" a lot of stuff. because, you're just being you.

I represent your second statement except with a decade on you.

It's kind of hit or miss though. You can also be ostracised for being weird. I'm in the middle I would say. Both relatable and unique.

 

[whatevs]

I do think I'm relatable though. I'm often told that as a matter of fact, plus that I'm sociable, nice, fun to be with, and I have a lot of interests shared by many people, I'm naturally curious and care about people. The one thing that seems to be an obstacle is my trauma / suffering and how a lot of people don't get it at all. Some people get it but often not the ones I'm interested in. I have this issue where most people I'm interested in reject me and those who come to me don't interest me... Since the plandemic it's exceedingly hard to meet people too because I've lost everything with no way back, the only places where there are people are bars but I can't seem to find a pretext to talk to random strangers most of the time and my self esteem / confidence has disappeared with my bulimia related weight gain and a long series of horrendous experiences with relationships... No one ever comes to talk to me either in those situations, it makes me feel like Quasimodo...

I love how you drop pLandemic every now and then. You go girl! I hope your life improves. You're awake.

Yeah, suffering does alienate you. This part makes you less relatable to people. Having a certain sustained and intense form of psychological suffering.

 

[Marine]

I love how you drop pLandemic every now and then. You go girl! I hope your life improves. You're awake.

Yeah, suffering does alienate you. This part makes you less relatable to people. Having a certain sustained and intense form of psychological suffering.

Yep, I have zero complex about that ^^ Thank you

But I can't fix my suffering without social bonds precisely... It's a vicious circle. I can't do it all by myself and / or a therapist in a vacuum... Where are the decent humans out there (outside of here) I can connect with ? I don't know where to go anymore at this point with our society in shambles. Even resistant networks don't really work, especially for young people.

 

[whatevs]

Yep, I have zero complex about that ^^ Thank you

But I can't fix my suffering without social bonds precisely... It's a vicious circle. I can't do it all by myself and / or a therapist in a vacuum... Where are the decent humans out there (outside of here) I can connect with ? I don't know where to go anymore at this point with our society in shambles. Even resistant networks don't really work, especially for young people.

Who knows? Not me. I tried meet ups during the height of the covid hoax/tyranny with other aware individuals that I met in Telegram and nothing came out of it. Some nice memories. I went to the capital and protested, it was fun and exciting. But I couldn't actually make friends. I made more enemies than other thing, to be honest.

The closer you get to people the more your issues will show up, or theirs, and people are crazier than ever in this simulated, fake as fuck, look-the-other-way, 'dont want to know' world on the brink of collapse and no doubt planned mass deaths.

 

[Marine]

Who knows? Not me. I tried meet ups during the height of the covid hoax/tyranny with other aware individuals that I met in Telegram and nothing came out of it. Some nice memories. I went to the capital and protested, it was fun and exciting. But I couldn't actually make friends. I made more enemies than other thing, to be honest.

The closer you get to people the more your issues will show up, or theirs, and people are crazier than ever in this simulated, fake as fuck, look-the-other-way, 'dont want to know' world on the brink of collapse and no doubt planned mass deaths.

Same. But we have no choice if some of us are going to survive and overcome this disconnection crisis... We have to find a way... I'm so sick of going through death and being brought back at the last minute every time for no apparent reason (it's like In Space With Markiplier but without the fun and good ending so far), I can't think it's just to endure it again but worse and I really want to experience love before going at least...

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

What was your experience with psychiatry? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[Marine]

What was your experience with psychiatry? If you don't mind me asking.

Traumatizing medical abuse, complete alienation from reality, common sense, humanity...

Good references that can help you understand what psychiatry is about (most come from a french website I couldn't find an english equivalent for unfortunately, but those specific references are in english) :



Kate Millet's The Illusion of Mental Illness

 

[WhiteDespair]

@Xion perhaps you could show or read your writing to them. if you're a better communicator through text consider that, or writing down what you want to impart.

that's the idea behind showing memes. doesnt have to be memes per se, but references to other media totally helps. music is a fantastic way to present the meaning. Hello Walls by Krizz Kaliko is the best musical representation of depression I've heard. toss lyrics into some translator and you have something mostly workable. there has to be French media that will work like English media.

I went to mpa to troll my pretty much best friend with memes when she said she was fat. then I realized I was similar in a lot of ways to tgose mpa folks and I learned how awful that life is.

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

Traumatizing medical abuse, complete alienation from reality, common sense, humanity...

Good references that can help you understand what psychiatry is about (most come from a french website I couldn't find an english equivalent for unfortunately, but those specific references are in english) :



Kate Millet's The Illusion of Mental Illness

The ADHD part from the first video is relatable. I payed £300 for some online psychiatry session and they asked me a few very basic questions and at the end of it I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn't even get a chance to get a word in, I was cut off whenever I wanted to say something with another question and the whole process felt incredibly rushed. In the end I didn't take the meds as I felt the entire thing was really sketch, and it was going to be very expensive to pay for all those meds privately.

I have no idea if I just went to a really sketchy place or if all physiatry is like this. I'm trying to use the NHS for mental health treatment now but the services in the UK are very poor. If I do see a psychiatrist again (be it through the NHS or private) I really hope it's not just going to be the same process again.

I've also had serious problems with Sertraline which was just prescribed to me by my GP. It actually made my mood swings much worse and honestly it really feels like it kick started my suicidal thoughts. I eventually reached a dose of 150mg of Sertraline, and at that point I actually began looking for resources on how to take my life. Thankfully I'm off it now as at least for me it wasn't helping any of my symptoms. I'm still very suicidal despite being off the meds for a very long time but I'm now trying to recover.

The mental health services want me to start taking Quetiapine, I know nothing about the drug other than it's an antipsychotic. I don't have any hallucinations so I'm not sure why this drug would be beneficial, all I've been told really is that it can help with mood swings and my sleep. I'm quite sceptical about it, especially as I'm currently detoxing from a bad diazepam addiction.

 

[OctoberDusk]

I have not been to any therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists but have known a few, including helping edit one's PhD dissertation. They were, let's say interesting, people. It's helped me to find some of the literature and keep abreast of trends in professional psychology; that is, not mass-market self-help and the like. So I self-analyze a lot.

That doesn't give me a chance to voice nor discuss what I'm feeling, however. For that I've considered seeing a mental health professional but am concerned I'll be involuntarily committed if I truthfully answer the ideation question. Having a friend I could talk about certain things with would be nice, but I haven't had anyone I felt I could be that honest and open around for some time.

So I use creative outlets, especially writing and playing music, to give inner turmoil some kind of voice and work it out. It's helped me maintain for some time, anyway. Also making time in the day to calm and work out thoughts and feeling has helped me the last few years, particularly finding a place to walk or ride a bike.

 

[Marine]

The ADHD part from the first video is relatable. I payed £300 for some online psychiatry session and they asked me a few very basic questions and at the end of it I was diagnosed with ADHD. I didn't even get a chance to get a word in, I was cut off whenever I wanted to say something with another question and the whole process felt incredibly rushed. In the end I didn't take the meds as I felt the entire thing was really sketch, and it was going to be very expensive to pay for all those meds privately.

I have no idea if I just went to a really sketchy place or if all physiatry is like this. I'm trying to use the NHS for mental health treatment now but the services in the UK are very poor. If I do see a psychiatrist again (be it through the NHS or private) I really hope it's not just going to be the same process again.

I've also had serious problems with Sertraline which was just prescribed to me by my GP. It actually made my mood swings much worse and honestly it really feels like it kick started my suicidal thoughts. I eventually reached a dose of 150mg of Sertraline, and at that point I actually began looking for resources on how to take my life. Thankfully I'm off it now as at least for me it wasn't helping any of my symptoms. I'm still very suicidal despite being off the meds for a very long time but I'm now trying to recover.

The mental health services want me to start taking Quetiapine, I know nothing about the drug other than it's an antipsychotic. I don't have any hallucinations so I'm not sure why this drug would be beneficial, all I've been told really is that it can help with mood swings and my sleep. I'm quite sceptical about it, especially as I'm currently detoxing from a bad diazepam addiction.

Psychiatry is a tool to control the masses, especially the deviant from the arbitrarily imposed norm. It was never meant to help anyone and isn't based on anything scientific unlike psychology. Our system, especially when it comes to health care, is sick to the core and not designed with people's best interests and well being in mind. While a competent psychologist might sometimes help, I think what we really need is a sense of community and connection, safe non judgmental places where we can talk about issues we're facing and help, teach, and empower each other as equal human beings.

I have not been to any therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists but have known a few, including helping edit one's PhD dissertation. They were, let's say interesting, people. It's helped me to find some of the literature and keep abreast of trends in professional psychology; that is, not mass-market self-help and the like. So I self-analyze a lot.

That doesn't give me a chance to voice nor discuss what I'm feeling, however. For that I've considered seeing a mental health professional but am concerned I'll be involuntarily committed if I truthfully answer the ideation question. Having a friend I could talk about certain things with would be nice, but I haven't had anyone I felt I could be that honest and open around for some time.

So I use creative outlets, especially writing and playing music, to give inner turmoil some kind of voice and work it out. It's helped me maintain for some time, anyway. Also making time in the day to calm and work out thoughts and feeling has helped me the last few years, particularly finding a place to walk or ride a bike.

The professionals I've been seeing have a private practice (and are out of the system now since the plandemic, so more ethical, open minded and awake than those still in the system) and are not affiliated to a hospital which allows me to be honest about the risk of suicide. I don't know if that's a thing in the US though. Not that I feel understood but at least I don't have to lie, which would defeat the point of talking to anybody.

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

Psychiatry is a tool to control the masses, especially the deviant from the arbitrarily imposed norm. It was never meant to help anyone and isn't based on anything scientific unlike psychology. Our system, especially when it comes to health care, is sick to the core and not designed with people's best interests and well being in mind. While a competent psychologist might sometimes help, I think what we really need is a sense of community and connection, safe non judgmental places where we can talk about issues we're facing and help, teach, and empower each other as equal human beings.

The professionals I've been seeing have a private practice (and are out of the system now since the plandemic, so more ethical, open minded and awake than those still in the system) and are not affiliated to a hospital which allows me to be honest about the risk of suicide. I don't know if that's a thing in the US though. Not that I feel understood but at least I don't have to lie, which would defeat the point of talking to anybody.

I was always under the impression that psychiatrists are psychologists with the ability to prescribe meds. Is this not really the case? I'm reading quite a lot of people online (other forums such as reddit) and this doesn't really seem the case, psychiatrists are very med based and you don't get much room for talking. I honestly don't mind taking meds if they're the right ones for me but at the same time I really need some sort of talking therapy. I am getting help from my key worker at least (this is for my diazepam problem) in relation to my mental health, she's really nice and listens to my problems.

I might also just go ahead and see a psychologist privately for the time being. Just so I can talk to someone who's trained in this field. The NHS are letting me down big time. Mental health care on the NHS is such a disgrace in the UK I don't even want to go into it.

The Ted talk you linked was very interesting by the way, thanks for linking that. I honestly think something like that would be beneficial to me (the part where they get a group of depressed/anxious people together to solve a problem). I do feel something major is missing in my life, mostly to do with social interactions and relationships which have been difficult for me due to my anxiety and low self esteem. I've not been in a relationship before which is something I feel is missing in my life, and I haven't seen any of my friends face-to-face in years and decline every social call. I need to find a way to re-socialise myself but I'm currently really stuck on knowing how, my levels of anxiety are uncontrollable and I just think so little of myself.

Anyway sorry for derailing the conversation and hijacking the thread a bit, the incompetent NHS crisis team put me in a really bad mood today and I needed to vent a bit... Just feeling really lost. I really hope you can find someone that understands you.