Am I A Psychopath

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

So today my mom told me that my sister had a mental breakdown.
I asked what did she mean.
I still don't really have detail details.
But I know she's been hospitalized.
I know they think she has drugs in her system so that could be Exaster bating her mental unwellness. But here's the problem. My whole life I felt unloved and not cared for by my mother. I was invisible and left to raise myself while dealing with depression.
Then as time went on I watched this woman give love and attention to my siblings. Looking back I handled it so well.
I didn't have a close relationship with my siblings either. I tried but eventually I gave up.
Not one person in my family loved me or cared for me. Not one took me seriously or cared about me dying as a result of my mental health.
So needless to sat I have let those grudges I hold make me cold and careless. Especially because no one tried to change either. It was my problem. I'm the one who needed to change. And that's true but no one felt a need to make changes either.
And that may be why I'm so cold because if you see problems and you don't try to fix it. You ask for advice and etc but you just go on. Well what do you expect.
So now my sister is in a Psych ward. And it was said that she said she wants to die and to tell her two children good bye.
But I don't feel sorry for her. I don't feel sorry for my mom.
I consider this my front row seat to Karma and a little payback for how all these years I was treated.
I was too sensitive.
I was ignored.
Now the daughter you loved and helped is threatening to off herself and leave her 2 kids behind.
And this is not just a today problem or a few weeks problem.
For years they all enabled her.
Keeping secrets Because like I said I don't know all the details because I cut them off once I was able to.
But I know it started with a bad relationship..drugs...neglecting her kids while emotionally abusing them for years before this day happened.
I know it was atleast a year ago my mother was talking about my sister and her concerns. And I told her what she needed to do but obviously that didn't happen because look where we are.
This is also confirmation to me that she is a bad mother. You have one daughter planning her death and miserable but reliable
You have another daughter who's really a hoodrat with 2 innocent kids who didn't ask to be born
You have a son who I know nothing about anymore who is a weed head
By the way he's going to move in with her when they let her out to keep an eye on her
But to my knowledge they don't have a relationship either
So I feel a little guilty because instead of trying to help
I'm laughing inside
I'm scared for my niece because I had her alot when she was little
But once I decide to cut myself off from them I didn't see her much and we don't have much of a bond anymore
So my heart aches for her and I pray she had my strong aloof traits and she'll get out of this unscathed.
But as far as my mom, sister, brother and grandmother.
I feel nothing and feel like I'm witnessing payback for all my years of pain and anguish.
I feel like a Psychopath cause that's what that is right.
My god
Here I am hour by hour trying to figure out how to kill myself the best painless peaceful way I can
But my sister might beat me to it and I'm not prepared for that.
As much as I get a little kick out of seeing my mom and sister not just wear my shoes
But they get to feel my soul..my depleated spirit...my scared mind
They get to feel what it's like to be me.
And there's no greater feeling then that other then death.
To be stuck between a little guilty and no feelings at all is a odd space to be in.
But my whole life I've been left for dead so I'm gonna try not to beat myself up.
Pray for my niece.
Keep my boundaries up because I'm all I have and I have to focus on my plans to die

 

[Meditation guide]

I think you have a lot of anger and rightfully so. That doesn't make you a psychopath. There are free online tests you can take if you google the words psychopath test. Psychopaths break rules. They don't necessarily have a lot of anger about how they were treated by their families.
Also there is a big difference between psychopaths and sociopaths, or some people are both.

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

I think you have a lot of anger and rightfully so. That doesn't make you a psychopath. There are free online tests you can take if you google the words psychopath test. Psychopaths break rules. They don't necessarily have a lot of anger about how they were treated by their families.
Also there is a big difference between psychopaths and sociopaths, or some people are both.

Thanks
I appreciate that
I'm really struggling with not feeling bad
And going back and forth
But I think slowly in My own way with most things I'll find a way to deal
You reading my vent is really appreciated
I always feel invisible so Thankyou

 

[voyager]

Yea, same, just sounds like a lot of stowed resentment to me. Only you can judge if you feel this way towards other people as well, but if not, I've never heard of a family fixated psychopath as such. No, sounds like your mum really failed you. Might have been easier had she been a lousy mom all together but the fact that she focused on your sister makes it worse in a way. Her kids seem to have a pretty bad lot in life too. My brother failed his son too. Just the next generation of broken people growing up.

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

Yea, same, just sounds like a lot of stowed resentment to me. Only you can judge if you feel this way towards other people as well, but if not, I've never heard of a family fixated psychopath as such. No, sounds like your mum really failed you. Might have been easier had she been a lousy mom all together but the fact that she focused on your sister makes it worse in a way. Her kids seem to have a pretty bad lot in life too. My brother failed his son too. Just the next generation of broken people growing up.

I definitely have a lot of resentment
I'm still hurt and wounded
I just hope my niece will be better than me

 

[Some place nice]

You wouldn't be a psychopath. You still have a voice in your head telling you what's right and not. You would be a sociopath. But like the others I think its just hate.

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

You wouldn't be a psychopath. You still have a voice in your head telling you what's right and not. You would be a sociopath. But like the others I think its just hate.

I wouldn't say hate
I feel indifferent and I am laughing
Now they know what it feels to be me and I just can't feel bad for them
But I feel bad for not feeling bad
So maybe I'm a sociopath

 

[Some place nice]

I wouldn't say hate
I feel indifferent and I am laughing
Now they know what it feels to be me and I just can't feel bad for them
But I feel bad for not feeling bad
So maybe I'm a sociopath

If you are than I welcome you to the club!

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

If you are than I welcome you to the club!

 

[Iamtired]

sibling rivalry isn't anything to be laughing about really, imo. It's all sad and tragic in the end.

 

[MiMif]

an unstable and aggressive person.
Google definition of psycopath

a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Google definition of sociopath.


But either way it could also just be you've been struggling with your mental health for a long time and have become mute and numb to your surroundings (currently what I'm going through I feel absolutely nothing for anyonem..my friend told me her mom was in the hospital and I legit didn't give a damn but put on a face like I cared) does that make me a sociopath...maybe idk. But currently j can't feel emotions for others very well and have been experiencing intense cycles of depersonalozation and derealization ..I feel like im in a 3rd pot of my own life and I don't care about the pain others around me are experiencing.

I don't wish for the downfall of others tho. I'm sorry your family ignored your mental health mines did as well and when i said I wanted to kill myself as a teenager my dad called me a bitch and said I was an ungrateful brat...I don't hate my family I feel nothing towards them. Try separating yourself from them for your own wellbeing and try focusing on yourself.

I must admit their is probably something wrong with me but I'm not sure if I want to fix it...if you want to fix it try therapy . Love you stranger

 

[Meditation guide]

Tbh you sound more sociopath than psychopath, that anger and the resulting joy in their suffering. I'm not judging you at all, I've just been studying psychology most of my life.

 

[brokeandbroken]

So today my mom told me that my sister had a mental breakdown.
I asked what did she mean.
I still don't really have detail details.
But I know she's been hospitalized.
I know they think she has drugs in her system so that could be Exaster bating her mental unwellness. But here's the problem. My whole life I felt unloved and not cared for by my mother. I was invisible and left to raise myself while dealing with depression.
Then as time went on I watched this woman give love and attention to my siblings. Looking back I handled it so well.
I didn't have a close relationship with my siblings either. I tried but eventually I gave up.
Not one person in my family loved me or cared for me. Not one took me seriously or cared about me dying as a result of my mental health.
So needless to sat I have let those grudges I hold make me cold and careless. Especially because no one tried to change either. It was my problem. I'm the one who needed to change. And that's true but no one felt a need to make changes either.
And that may be why I'm so cold because if you see problems and you don't try to fix it. You ask for advice and etc but you just go on. Well what do you expect.
So now my sister is in a Psych ward. And it was said that she said she wants to die and to tell her two children good bye.
But I don't feel sorry for her. I don't feel sorry for my mom.
I consider this my front row seat to Karma and a little payback for how all these years I was treated.
I was too sensitive.
I was ignored.
Now the daughter you loved and helped is threatening to off herself and leave her 2 kids behind.
And this is not just a today problem or a few weeks problem.
For years they all enabled her.
Keeping secrets Because like I said I don't know all the details because I cut them off once I was able to.
But I know it started with a bad relationship..drugs...neglecting her kids while emotionally abusing them for years before this day happened.
I know it was atleast a year ago my mother was talking about my sister and her concerns. And I told her what she needed to do but obviously that didn't happen because look where we are.
This is also confirmation to me that she is a bad mother. You have one daughter planning her death and miserable but reliable
You have another daughter who's really a hoodrat with 2 innocent kids who didn't ask to be born
You have a son who I know nothing about anymore who is a weed head
By the way he's going to move in with her when they let her out to keep an eye on her
But to my knowledge they don't have a relationship either
So I feel a little guilty because instead of trying to help
I'm laughing inside
I'm scared for my niece because I had her alot when she was little
But once I decide to cut myself off from them I didn't see her much and we don't have much of a bond anymore
So my heart aches for her and I pray she had my strong aloof traits and she'll get out of this unscathed.
But as far as my mom, sister, brother and grandmother.
I feel nothing and feel like I'm witnessing payback for all my years of pain and anguish.
I feel like a Psychopath cause that's what that is right.
My god
Here I am hour by hour trying to figure out how to kill myself the best painless peaceful way I can
But my sister might beat me to it and I'm not prepared for that.
As much as I get a little kick out of seeing my mom and sister not just wear my shoes
But they get to feel my soul..my depleated spirit...my scared mind
They get to feel what it's like to be me.
And there's no greater feeling then that other then death.
To be stuck between a little guilty and no feelings at all is a odd space to be in.
But my whole life I've been left for dead so I'm gonna try not to beat myself up.
Pray for my niece.
Keep my boundaries up because I'm all I have and I have to focus on my plans to die

If you have to answer the question you aren't. Psychopathy is the absence of empathy. It sounds like you have empathy. As far your mother.....

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think you'd care about not caring if you were a psychopath. I'm not sure you'd even recognise it or be annalysing it even. It makes sense to me you feel numb towards them. Sounds more like a coping mechanism to me. Put it this way- do you feel the same way towards everyone? Do you act in ways that hurt people to benefit yourself? I think you're being really hard on yourself to label yourself that. Maybe you have some traits towards certain people but again- it sounds like a defence/revenge mechanism rather than anything outright malicious.

My life has been kind of complicated too. I grew up with what I'm sure was a narcissist. All that business created problems and distance from other family members. One of them once said to me they found me secretive. I didn't say it but I thought- actually- no- I'm not really. I'm a fairly open person with people who care about me. You're behaviour suggests that you don't so- why would I bother telling you stuff when you're not interested in it?

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

an unstable and aggressive person.
Google definition of psycopath

a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Google definition of sociopath.


But either way it could also just be you've been struggling with your mental health for a long time and have become mute and numb to your surroundings (currently what I'm going through I feel absolutely nothing for anyonem..my friend told me her mom was in the hospital and I legit didn't give a damn but put on a face like I cared) does that make me a sociopath...maybe idk. But currently j can't feel emotions for others very well and have been experiencing intense cycles of depersonalozation and derealization ..I feel like im in a 3rd pot of my own life and I don't care about the pain others around me are experiencing.

I don't wish for the downfall of others tho. I'm sorry your family ignored your mental health mines did as well and when i said I wanted to kill myself as a teenager my dad called me a bitch and said I was an ungrateful brat...I don't hate my family I feel nothing towards them. Try separating yourself from them for your own wellbeing and try focusing on yourself.

I must admit their is probably something wrong with me but I'm not sure if I want to fix it...if you want to fix it try therapy . Love you stranger

Thankyou
And yes I often feel nothing
I'm not wishing or praying for anyone's downfall
I just tend to be like oh well when I hear about not so happy things
I think you're right about me being numb
I'm always in survival mode so I can't be bothered about anything but me because for so long when I did care it wasn't met with reciprocity
Again Thankyou

sibling rivalry isn't anything to be laughing about really, imo. It's all sad and tragic in the end.

Well it's not a rivalry
I never competed with her
I want to be close to her
I did help when my niece was a baby
I tried to get close to my sister by trying to go out and getting to know her
I was met with silence
And told to be a better sister and aunt
After awhile I just went my way and tried to create my own tribe
So that's not rivalry to me
She's another person who chose to fail me
And now herself and kids when she's had years and opportunities to make it right
It's sad for my niece and no one else because she didn't asked to be born and I asked and talked the best I could to make them understand the cycle they were repeating and they didn't listen

Tbh you sound more sociopath than psychopath, that anger and the resulting joy in their suffering. I'm not judging you at all, I've just been studying psychology most of my life.

I do get some satisfaction at seeing the results of nit taking my advice
How often do we get front row of Karma
But I'm terrified for my niece because who does she have to help her in such a time
And I can't help her because I'm to busy with me and trying to get out of here

I don't think you'd care about not caring if you were a psychopath. I'm not sure you'd even recognise it or be annalysing it even. It makes sense to me you feel numb towards them. Sounds more like a coping mechanism to me. Put it this way- do you feel the same way towards everyone? Do you act in ways that hurt people to benefit yourself? I think you're being really hard on yourself to label yourself that. Maybe you have some traits towards certain people but again- it sounds like a defence/revenge mechanism rather than anything outright malicious.

My life has been kind of complicated too. I grew up with what I'm sure was a narcissist. All that business created problems and distance from other family members. One of them once said to me they found me secretive. I didn't say it but I thought- actually- no- I'm not really. I'm a fairly open person with people who care about me. You're behaviour suggests that you don't so- why would I bother telling you stuff when you're not interested in it?

Very relatable
Thankyou

 

[voyager]

I wouldn't say hate
I feel indifferent and I am laughing
Now they know what it feels to be me and I just can't feel bad for them
But I feel bad for not feeling bad
So maybe I'm a sociopath

No, schadenfreude can be a nasty trait, but doesn't have to be sociopathic and sometimes is justified. My brother had been on drugs for around two years when he went fully psychotic in 1999. For two weeks he terrorised us. Yelling, threatening, smashing our property, kicking in doors, keeping one awake all night etc.. It was unbearable. Finally, I asked our doctor for help and have him assigned to a ward. The day before we brought him in a psychiatrist administered him something to calm him down. My mum and I were sitting in her room when he came in. His tongue was paralysed and sticking out of his mouth. He couldn't speak. "Ugh, ugh, ugh..." Could barely contain my delight and almost burst out laughing. I still don't feel bad about this. Remember thinking at the time, serves you right, you fuck.

Don't worry about it.

 

[TapeMachine]

Yea, same, just sounds like a lot of stowed resentment to me. Only you can judge if you feel this way towards other people as well, but if not, I've never heard of a family fixated psychopath as such. No, sounds like your mum really failed you. Might have been easier had she been a lousy mom all together but the fact that she focused on your sister makes it worse in a way. Her kids seem to have a pretty bad lot in life too. My brother failed his son too. Just the next generation of broken people growing up

Good ol' generational trauma.. just keeps on cycling down, ad infinitum. :(

 

[Old Friend]

I don't think true psychopaths question themselves. The ones I've had the misfortune to have met, and usually been fucked over by, usually seem content being the way they are.

 

[leloyon]

A psychopath is just someone born with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) whereas a sociopath is someone who develops it.
I doubt you're a psychopath, I doubt a psychopath would be worried about being one. Hell, if you feel guilt I doubt you have ASPD. Depression can cause you to not care about others and feel empty.