Discussion Am I a bad person?

[collidedsigns]

Next year I'm meant to be moving in with one of my friends. She's super excited about it but I plan to ctb before then. I was hoping this would even be my last weekend.

She's so nice to me. She always lets me stay at her apartment during long uni days to nap during my breaks. She always offers me drinks, cooks for me etc. I really do appreciate her so much but I'm just frustrated because every time she talks about us living together she tells me how great it's going to be and I just look and smile. Knowing deep down I probably won't make it till then.

I feel awful about it. She even said to me if I ctb she will do the same as a result which personally I don't think you should say to another person but still she clearly is truly happy thinking about us having a house together but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm so tired and just want to get my eternal sleep.

Does this make me a bad person? I'm technically screwing her over big time but I don't intend to do that to her. I don't want to hurt her but I also can't keep living in the world pretending I'm okay with it when I'm not. I sometimes hate the fact I ever met people who I actually get along with because now I have to factor them into my decisions. Any advice?

 

[gunmetalblue11]

She even said to me if I ctb she will do the same as a result which personally I don't think you should say to another person

This seems like some level of bad co-dependency. Also if she said that, maybe she herself is secretly struggling too.

As for if you are a bad person well, it guess that's a complicated question. I don't think people are bad for taking their own lives in general, it is a choice. If no arrangements have been made for the flat you both have planned to move in together with are made, such as down payments or such, and if you do ctb you aren't leaving her with dept, a loss of money, or a lease of an appartement she could not pay for alone, it is in my eyes less 'wrong' per say. Your passing with probably hurt her, and others, and that's something that has to be acknowledged and grieved.
All actions have consequences

 

[Alpacachino]

Your problems are way bigger than hers. Don't worry about it. You're not a bad person at all. In fact, you're taking the time to consider her feelings even when you're struggling yourself.you're doing good.
She seems like a good person and she cares about you. Make sure to let her know that.That's enough.

 

[IamBecomeWorm]

I do not know if it makes you a good or bad person. At the very least you have no malice or intention to hurt, so that's a pretty good start.

If your relationship runs deep and your friend is truly accepting of your choice, then is an honest conversation on the table? Perhaps they could say their goodbyes.
obviously things usually aren't so straightforwards. It's your choice.

best of luck.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Any advice?

Unless you have kids or pets, I don't think you're obligated to live for anyone else.

That said, you seem to have a good friend. Consider alternatives carefully. Is suicide truly what you want, given current circumstances?
The death of a friend will be painful, there's really no way around that.

 

[Reywashere]

Next year I'm meant to be moving in with one of my friends. She's super excited about it but I plan to ctb before then. I was hoping this would even be my last weekend.

She's so nice to me. She always lets me stay at her apartment during long uni days to nap during my breaks. She always offers me drinks, cooks for me etc. I really do appreciate her so much but I'm just frustrated because every time she talks about us living together she tells me how great it's going to be and I just look and smile. Knowing deep down I probably won't make it till then.

I feel awful about it. She even said to me if I ctb she will do the same as a result which personally I don't think you should say to another person but still she clearly is truly happy thinking about us having a house together but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm so tired and just want to get my eternal sleep.

Does this make me a bad person? I'm technically screwing her over big time but I don't intend to do that to her. I don't want to hurt her but I also can't keep living in the world pretending I'm okay with it when I'm not. I sometimes hate the fact I ever met people who I actually get along with because now I have to factor them into my decisions. Any advice?

I think you should tell her that you don't plan to move in with her. Make up an excuse or wtv. Especially if she's expecting some financial support from you moving in with her. I think people in the comments fail to understand that other people still depend on us on some things and it isn't usually a bad thing. In the end we are humans we need each other. You mean something to her and that's not her fault or yours ig but both of you contribute to this. It's beautiful and I don't think you should throw it away without a fair closure to her.