Always wishing I knew what to say to comfort people

[woofwag]

I just want to be a source of comfort for people. I want to be the type of person who people really like for how kind and caring and good at giving advice they are. I'm really not that good at it. Every time I try, I feel like I'm lying because I know I am doing awful myself, so clearly I'm not taking any of my own advice. I know it's not always about words, but on a site like here it is, and oftentimes people do want at least some kind of reassurance. I wish I had the perfect thing to say every single time. I know I have said some shit that's really helped people, but I also have often tried to say something helpful but really have nothing to say, or have said something that actually made them feel worse.

Like I'm a dog, isn't this supposed to be my whole deal? Just to hang out and make people happy. It feels so dysphoric to constantly be the fucked up one :(

 

[deny_conformity]

The best thing you can do is listen, ask questions, and show to someone that you are listening and care. I'm pretty bad at it (just ask my ex-wife ) but I'm trying to get better at it for my next lady friend. Practicing an SaSu is proving very useful. It's not about having the perfect thing to say to fix all the problems it's about making someone feel less alone.

I wouldn't say to someone "there, there it'll be okay" or other such bullshit because I know from experience that it doesn't work. So I'm just commenting on things, trying to ask the right questions, and letting someone know a random internet stranger is listening and cares.