I think I have some psychological problems. Some of my thinking patterns are obviously pathological. I think this one probably too. Always when I am in this forum I feel like I have to justify myself for this "wrongdoing". The media portrays the members of this forum as demons. Man, I don't like being called a demon. For me it is important to behave morally. There were some ways how I responded to this critic.
First I protested against it. I wanted to demonstrate that there are people who have another more positive view on suicide forums. I have posted several science papers in this forum. I really took the first 3-4 which I found on German (on English I have not found something as accurate) and then I translated it. The science papers had a way more nuanced stance on suicide forums. My translation was absolutely honest. However I am now not sure anymore if they had a forum like this in mind. I found a science paper about this forum which also demonized this place. This does not fit to the other research papers about suicide forums which I found. I am quite unsettled. But some points of these German science articles could be clearly also applied to this forum. There were also these scientists who made a more nuanced stance on this forum. Meretlein shared it with us.
Yeah I am more or less addicted to this forum. And always when I try to quit it I am feeling way worse. As described in the German science articles this forum is for me a good place to self-reflect. It was such a huge help for me to stay somewhat stable. I also got a lot of helpful feedback for example when I sounded too paranoid. My therapist also acknowledged how self-reflective I always sound and he is not opposed that I visit a suicide forum.
But the media articles always give me a huge guilty conscience. I am always very sensitive with that. First I protested and now I am giving in. This is why I shared a lot recovery resources for other people. I really shared a lot and put a lot of energy and dedication to it. I told people they should reach out for help and I advocated for therapy. I think in recovery this is absolutely okay. I am glad some people gave me very positive feedback and were thankful for my posts. I am glad for everyone who feels supported by my posts. I have the feeling I will be never able to quit the forum. But I still can help other people with my posts. I try to share more posts which give other people a positive feeling. This is really hard for me because I am a very pessimistic and often suicidal person.
This whole post is quite ironic. Because I am justifying myself why I am justifying myself all the time. Maybe that shows me how narcisstic my illness makes me. I sometimes truely feel like the center of the universe. My paranoid mind tells me all the time how important I was so that other people are planning to attack me. Yeah this is probably a huge problem when a paranoid person writes in a public forum.
Do you sometimes feel like you have to justify yourself for being in this forum? There was also the claim of a former member only people who ctb very soon should be in this forum. I think this notion is kind of dangerous because it would pressure the members too much. I think you can be chronically suicidal and never ctb and still be in this forum. An obligation to ctb would be very stupid and dangerous. There is no need to justify yourself for being here and not planning to ctb soon or at all.
First I protested against it. I wanted to demonstrate that there are people who have another more positive view on suicide forums. I have posted several science papers in this forum. I really took the first 3-4 which I found on German (on English I have not found something as accurate) and then I translated it. The science papers had a way more nuanced stance on suicide forums. My translation was absolutely honest. However I am now not sure anymore if they had a forum like this in mind. I found a science paper about this forum which also demonized this place. This does not fit to the other research papers about suicide forums which I found. I am quite unsettled. But some points of these German science articles could be clearly also applied to this forum. There were also these scientists who made a more nuanced stance on this forum. Meretlein shared it with us.
Yeah I am more or less addicted to this forum. And always when I try to quit it I am feeling way worse. As described in the German science articles this forum is for me a good place to self-reflect. It was such a huge help for me to stay somewhat stable. I also got a lot of helpful feedback for example when I sounded too paranoid. My therapist also acknowledged how self-reflective I always sound and he is not opposed that I visit a suicide forum.
But the media articles always give me a huge guilty conscience. I am always very sensitive with that. First I protested and now I am giving in. This is why I shared a lot recovery resources for other people. I really shared a lot and put a lot of energy and dedication to it. I told people they should reach out for help and I advocated for therapy. I think in recovery this is absolutely okay. I am glad some people gave me very positive feedback and were thankful for my posts. I am glad for everyone who feels supported by my posts. I have the feeling I will be never able to quit the forum. But I still can help other people with my posts. I try to share more posts which give other people a positive feeling. This is really hard for me because I am a very pessimistic and often suicidal person.
This whole post is quite ironic. Because I am justifying myself why I am justifying myself all the time. Maybe that shows me how narcisstic my illness makes me. I sometimes truely feel like the center of the universe. My paranoid mind tells me all the time how important I was so that other people are planning to attack me. Yeah this is probably a huge problem when a paranoid person writes in a public forum.
Do you sometimes feel like you have to justify yourself for being in this forum? There was also the claim of a former member only people who ctb very soon should be in this forum. I think this notion is kind of dangerous because it would pressure the members too much. I think you can be chronically suicidal and never ctb and still be in this forum. An obligation to ctb would be very stupid and dangerous. There is no need to justify yourself for being here and not planning to ctb soon or at all.
