Alone as shit

[Elaina]

Admitting the truth did not make me feel better. Telling him made me feel more alone.
I tried to act happy and I was doing ok but this isn't good.

got really drunk at my boyfriends sisters graduation party. My boyfriend was pretty drunk too, he was throwing up. When we are laying in bed I start crying and I tell him I think about suicide every day and that I want to die. He says, "you wouldn't do that to me."

I'm thinking fuck, admitting this won't solve my problems and I still want to die. "You won't remember this." I say to reassure myself. He says "I will." I say "I'm just drunk and I don't mean it." He ends the conversation with "you do, you're suicidal."
He knows about my past attempts.

I pretended I blacked out in the morning just so he thinks it's the alcohol. I just repeated I was drunk and didn't mean it and that there's nothing to say.

If my problems were fixable, it would've been okay to tell. But I'm stuck with these problems that I'm ashamed to have.

 

[InAust.]

Admitting the truth did not make me feel better. Telling him made me feel more alone.
I tried to act happy and I was doing ok but this isn't good.

got really drunk at my boyfriends sisters graduation party. My boyfriend was pretty drunk too, he was throwing up. When we are laying in bed I start crying and I tell him I think about suicide every day and that I want to die. He says, "you wouldn't do that to me."

I'm thinking fuck, admitting this won't solve my problems and I still want to die. "You won't remember this." I say to reassure myself. He says "I will." I say "I'm just drunk and I don't mean it." He ends the conversation with "you do, you're suicidal."
He knows about my past attempts.

I pretended I blacked out in the morning just so he thinks it's the alcohol. I just repeated I was drunk and didn't mean it and that there's nothing to say.

If my problems were fixable, it would've been okay to tell. But I'm stuck with these problems that I'm ashamed to have.

Not sure what your problems are and what you mean by them not being fixable.

Your boyfriend is clearly very concerned and that's normal for most people.

Why are you so ashamed to have problems? Most people do.

 

[millefeui]

At least you have a boyfriend who seems to care. I have nothing. Make sure your problems are truly unfixable before committing suicide.

 

[InAust.]

At least you have a boyfriend who seems to care. I have nothing. Make sure your problems are truly unfixable before committing suicide.

And even most unfixable problems can be lived with and managed.

 

[millefeui]

And even most unfixable problems can be lived with and managed.

Wrong. Plenty of problems can't be managed. Problems that come from birth, chronic illness, etc. Chronic pain in particular is just... I can't even imagine feeling pain 24/7. And even if a problem can be solved or managed, whether someone is willing to deal with all the nonsense necessary to do that is another matter entirely.

 

[El Topo]

How were you hoping your boyfriend would react?

 

[Elaina]

How were you hoping your boyfriend would react?

I dont really know maybe with a little empathy he was tired and drunk so he just kept repeating go to sleep.

 

[Elaina]

At least you have a boyfriend who seems to care. I have nothing. Make sure your problems are truly unfixable before committing suicide.

I have a learning disability which makes it really hard to connect to people and to find a job I don't suck at. I have mental illness too. My learning disability is the reason I want to die. The impact on my quality of life from it is tremendous.Most of my life has been spent friendless, so yes I am very lucky to have him.

 

[millefeui]

I have a learning disability which makes it really hard to connect to people and to find a job I don't suck at. I have mental illness too. My learning disability is the reason I want to die. The impact on my quality of life from it is tremendous.Most of my life has been spent friendless, so yes I am very lucky to have him.

It seems that you are. Treasure him, in that case. If you love him, don't lose him. Words of someone who lost the person she loved because of stupid nonsense.

 

[Tomasnil]

Admitting the truth did not make me feel better. Telling him made me feel more alone.
I tried to act happy and I was doing ok but this isn't good.

got really drunk at my boyfriends sisters graduation party. My boyfriend was pretty drunk too, he was throwing up. When we are laying in bed I start crying and I tell him I think about suicide every day and that I want to die. He says, "you wouldn't do that to me."

I'm thinking fuck, admitting this won't solve my problems and I still want to die. "You won't remember this." I say to reassure myself. He says "I will." I say "I'm just drunk and I don't mean it." He ends the conversation with "you do, you're suicidal."
He knows about my past attempts.

I pretended I blacked out in the morning just so he thinks it's the alcohol. I just repeated I was drunk and didn't mean it and that there's nothing to say.

If my problems were fixable, it would've been okay to tell. But I'm stuck with these problems that I'm ashamed to have.

Well from my experience adimtitng .... the truth that your suicidal will not make any diffrence in your feelings and if the one your telling it to is not suicidal .... that person will not understand what is accutaly all about ....... its like mc

Admitting the truth did not make me feel better. Telling him made me feel more alone.
I tried to act happy and I was doing ok but this isn't good.

got really drunk at my boyfriends sisters graduation party. My boyfriend was pretty drunk too, he was throwing up. When we are laying in bed I start crying and I tell him I think about suicide every day and that I want to die. He says, "you wouldn't do that to me."

I'm thinking fuck, admitting this won't solve my problems and I still want to die. "You won't remember this." I say to reassure myself. He says "I will." I say "I'm just drunk and I don't mean it." He ends the conversation with "you do, you're suicidal."
He knows about my past attempts.

I pretended I blacked out in the morning just so he thinks it's the alcohol. I just repeated I was drunk and didn't mean it and that there's nothing to say.

If my problems were fixable, it would've been okay to tell. But I'm stuck with these problems that I'm ashamed to have.

In my experience as you say ... telling the truth..... if the person your telling that your suicidal is not. Then that person will never understand. Its like E=mc2 most have hear of it but no one has a cule whats it about including me.

I see me as a disable person.
Yet i never broken a bone in my life apart from my nose a few times. Still everyday is a struggle.
When i wake up should i turn left and get out of bed and try any do dishes or do i turn right and take some sleeping pills and vodka and deal with my annoying plate and fork some other day.

 

[Alucard]

Alone as Satan.