Almost messaged my ex

[sheleftme1]

I'm literally going crazy… and I'm trying to get better. I'm in love with this woman and we were together for a year. I went through a lot in this relationship but so did she. We got into a big fight that ended with me in jail and me losing my job. The things she said were exaggerated and I didn't deserve this but the fight was out of hand. I still love her but I'm legally not allowed to talk to her. Well I haven't attempted to talk to her in 4 months and she hasn't reached out to me. I am going crazy because I genuinely love her but as of now she is likely never going to reach out to me. I almost messaged her last night. Words aren't helping me, get help shit isn't helping me… I keep wanting to hurt myself but to be honest I am a weak person that can't finish the job. I need help man… I don't actually know what to do and I'm sad and lonely and while I've attempted to get my mind to work for my sake it's not working. It just doesn't seem worth it if I can't even work towards the life I actually want. What am I supposed to do… I know no one has the answers but I'm truly going insane in my thoughts and therapy and all that crap does not help.