SOU_P
me plants will be the last folk to see me alive.
- May 5, 2024
- 32
ello, haven't been on in a while because, well, things were on the up n up. me relationship with me darlin was really fuckin great, n i felt like i was finally getting better.
nope!
suddenly we're both so fucking drained we can hardly even talk without shutting down and venting about how shitty we both think we are!!
i thought i had it, i thought i could actually live a life i genuinely enjoyed, but as per usual with me, i fuck it up. i ended up fucking abusing me bf with my sheer fucking incompetence, fucked me bf up n fucked me up too n i bloody hate meself for it. tryna grow from it n NEVER FUCKIN DO IT AGAIN, but now we're both so emotionally out of it that we can hardly hold a conversation without getting just plain depressed.
honestly, i want to die, to save him the trouble that i've brought him since we fuckin met, but he's told me that'd fuck him up a boat-load and i'd rather live in utter agony than do that to him. fuck my wants, fuck everything about me. i just want him to be happy, and i just ain't doin that for him anymore.
i thought i got to a point where i'd stop hating meself n beatin meself up for everythin, but it just came crashing down all over again n it's all me fault. i loathe how i've been treating him lately, i hate the fact i can't help him through anything anymore without just shutting down, i just want to fucking give him the world but the only thing i've given him is suicidal urges he hasn't fucking had in years, not until my shitty fucking ass came along n fucked all of his progress up.
i either want to know how to salvage this, take it as a learning experience n grow from it, or i wanna see how i can fucking kill meself without him gettin fucked up by me chugging the damn fungicide n seein what organ fails first.
nope!
suddenly we're both so fucking drained we can hardly even talk without shutting down and venting about how shitty we both think we are!!
i thought i had it, i thought i could actually live a life i genuinely enjoyed, but as per usual with me, i fuck it up. i ended up fucking abusing me bf with my sheer fucking incompetence, fucked me bf up n fucked me up too n i bloody hate meself for it. tryna grow from it n NEVER FUCKIN DO IT AGAIN, but now we're both so emotionally out of it that we can hardly hold a conversation without getting just plain depressed.
honestly, i want to die, to save him the trouble that i've brought him since we fuckin met, but he's told me that'd fuck him up a boat-load and i'd rather live in utter agony than do that to him. fuck my wants, fuck everything about me. i just want him to be happy, and i just ain't doin that for him anymore.
i thought i got to a point where i'd stop hating meself n beatin meself up for everythin, but it just came crashing down all over again n it's all me fault. i loathe how i've been treating him lately, i hate the fact i can't help him through anything anymore without just shutting down, i just want to fucking give him the world but the only thing i've given him is suicidal urges he hasn't fucking had in years, not until my shitty fucking ass came along n fucked all of his progress up.
i either want to know how to salvage this, take it as a learning experience n grow from it, or i wanna see how i can fucking kill meself without him gettin fucked up by me chugging the damn fungicide n seein what organ fails first.
