Sometimes I feel like everything humans do is backwards.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm greeted with the everyday bustle of a society that thinks it'll live forever. Our cities are made of steel and concrete, paved with asphalt and polluted by cars. Our systems hardly work and trying to make sense of them is like going down a rabbit hole. No one really knows anything about the other system--they feel disjointed, messy--almost like a ruse or front to deceive people into thinking that everything is fine and functioning perfectly. But everywhere you look the messy truth keeps bleeding out--Johnson & Johnson causing ovarian cancer, microplastics in the drinking water, cigarettes and empty liquor bottles.. is this my home? There's hardly any time for friends or family anymore, we live to work--and our day to day schedules all reflect that.
People don't even know how to care for themselves, cook, mend, sew, how to make their own soaps and natural remedies. I'm not saying you should rely solely on yourself, but isn't it strange how no one teaches us how to survive? We have to teach ourselves--but we hardly have the time for it. When self-care classes were integrated into the schools, they're usually an afterthought. No one teaches us how to handle our emotions, how to respect each other--and even talk to one another, everyone just assumes that we're supposed to learn them at home. There's so many pointless things that we're forced to learn--how to be cold and calculated, how to lie on a resume, how to build up a false persona so that we forget ourselves and sacrifice our own identities to conform to a society that treats us like robots. It's depressing.
For the first time in forever I spent the whole week just thinking, like how I used to as a little girl. I watched some youtube theories and hidden meanings based on my childhood favorites, games and shows like Spongebob, Little Nightmares, Fran Bow, Bioshock, Alice Madness Returns. They all share a similar theme--trauma, control, fearmongering, manipulation--an endless cycle of lies that were fed to us from a young age to make us dependent on a system that has long failed us, that was designed to oppress us. We continue to trudge on though, like everything's fine.. like one collective froggy pot. Things are starting to reach a boil.. and I feel more trapped than ever. It feels like everything I know is a lie, the world is crumbling before my very eyes and I'm told to just ignore it, act happy--and when I try to confide in others, my own family and friends tell me I'm being too negative or that I'm trying to take away their happiness. My mom thinks I'm jealous, angry at her or something, but I'm just depressed, frustrated--I just want to be understood and heard, I don't want the people I love to get sick.
I realize I never had a friend or a family member that truly cared, that I could turn to during my darkest hours. Instead I'm almost treated like a pet, an afterthought, a commodity--that was only brought into this world because society told them to. None of my aspirations, my identity, my passions, my talents EVER mattered to any of them. I feel so hurt by this revelation it makes me sick. Lately, I've been getting shorter sleep and a loss of appetite. I feel like I'm going insane but everyone just keeps pretending--pouring their heart and soul into the roles that were assigned to them. They cling desperately to any semblance of normalcy, but this is anything but normal. We defied nature, everyday we wage war against her--we poison her, splice her, enslave her, alter her and in turn, ourselves.
It is all just learned behavior. We must ask ourselves, who benefits from our madness? Who oppresses and then soothes? Who tells us that we are flawed and than offers us a solution to right these ''imperfections''? Who poisons the fountain, the family, the children? I am so sick of this world, I'm sick of the sexism, the discrimination, the classism, capitalism, the politics--the deflection of blame and the endless debates when the solution should be clear. This game has gone on for too long now.. and sadly, I fear that we will all pay for it. May God(nonreligious) forgive us for every war, for every innocent soul who suffered or died in vain at the hands of man, of a cold, cruel and uncaring world.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm greeted with the everyday bustle of a society that thinks it'll live forever. Our cities are made of steel and concrete, paved with asphalt and polluted by cars. Our systems hardly work and trying to make sense of them is like going down a rabbit hole. No one really knows anything about the other system--they feel disjointed, messy--almost like a ruse or front to deceive people into thinking that everything is fine and functioning perfectly. But everywhere you look the messy truth keeps bleeding out--Johnson & Johnson causing ovarian cancer, microplastics in the drinking water, cigarettes and empty liquor bottles.. is this my home? There's hardly any time for friends or family anymore, we live to work--and our day to day schedules all reflect that.
People don't even know how to care for themselves, cook, mend, sew, how to make their own soaps and natural remedies. I'm not saying you should rely solely on yourself, but isn't it strange how no one teaches us how to survive? We have to teach ourselves--but we hardly have the time for it. When self-care classes were integrated into the schools, they're usually an afterthought. No one teaches us how to handle our emotions, how to respect each other--and even talk to one another, everyone just assumes that we're supposed to learn them at home. There's so many pointless things that we're forced to learn--how to be cold and calculated, how to lie on a resume, how to build up a false persona so that we forget ourselves and sacrifice our own identities to conform to a society that treats us like robots. It's depressing.
For the first time in forever I spent the whole week just thinking, like how I used to as a little girl. I watched some youtube theories and hidden meanings based on my childhood favorites, games and shows like Spongebob, Little Nightmares, Fran Bow, Bioshock, Alice Madness Returns. They all share a similar theme--trauma, control, fearmongering, manipulation--an endless cycle of lies that were fed to us from a young age to make us dependent on a system that has long failed us, that was designed to oppress us. We continue to trudge on though, like everything's fine.. like one collective froggy pot. Things are starting to reach a boil.. and I feel more trapped than ever. It feels like everything I know is a lie, the world is crumbling before my very eyes and I'm told to just ignore it, act happy--and when I try to confide in others, my own family and friends tell me I'm being too negative or that I'm trying to take away their happiness. My mom thinks I'm jealous, angry at her or something, but I'm just depressed, frustrated--I just want to be understood and heard, I don't want the people I love to get sick.
I realize I never had a friend or a family member that truly cared, that I could turn to during my darkest hours. Instead I'm almost treated like a pet, an afterthought, a commodity--that was only brought into this world because society told them to. None of my aspirations, my identity, my passions, my talents EVER mattered to any of them. I feel so hurt by this revelation it makes me sick. Lately, I've been getting shorter sleep and a loss of appetite. I feel like I'm going insane but everyone just keeps pretending--pouring their heart and soul into the roles that were assigned to them. They cling desperately to any semblance of normalcy, but this is anything but normal. We defied nature, everyday we wage war against her--we poison her, splice her, enslave her, alter her and in turn, ourselves.
It is all just learned behavior. We must ask ourselves, who benefits from our madness? Who oppresses and then soothes? Who tells us that we are flawed and than offers us a solution to right these ''imperfections''? Who poisons the fountain, the family, the children? I am so sick of this world, I'm sick of the sexism, the discrimination, the classism, capitalism, the politics--the deflection of blame and the endless debates when the solution should be clear. This game has gone on for too long now.. and sadly, I fear that we will all pay for it. May God(nonreligious) forgive us for every war, for every innocent soul who suffered or died in vain at the hands of man, of a cold, cruel and uncaring world.
Last edited:
