Help Alcoholism

[sleepy cut]

Thinking about CTB because of my severe alcoholism. Sometimes I can get it under control for a day or two. But I have done so much pain to people under the influence. When I am sober my brain just hyper focuses on those regrets. I have done so many fucked up things to people. I have tried so many times to forgive myself but it's been a couple years and I feel like I can't. Every step forward I take 15 steps back.

I live in an apartment with unemployed adults that I support (loved ones) and I just can't do it anymore. I haven't done anything to hurt them while under the influence fortunately.. all I do is work my ass of and drink my ass off…

There are so many times I just want to scream for everyone to leave me alone when I'm at home. If I CBT I won't have to worry about anyone anymore.

Even if I don't CBT the alcohol will get me eventually.

 

[jodes2]

Well done for getting this far. It must be tough. I hope you keep trying, maybe you'll find better ways of dealing with the alcoholism. I'm sure your loved ones would miss you if you CTB. And they obviously need you, too. It's brave of you to have come this far. Maybe you can try communicating with them, hopefully calmly during a sober patch, that you'd like more time to yourself? Or for them not to bother you so much about xyz? Talk with them about anything else they could do for you? Anything to help you out. Talk to them about how what they do makes you feel. Tell them that you need them to try to be more independent?

 

[western_heart]

I don't have the same pressures in my life, but I used to use alcohol as an escape from my feelings and stopped a few years ago as it was affecting my physical health & harming my relationships.
Besides deciding not to drink anymore it took a lot of small changes to stop me from going back. Have you talked to anyone you live with about your drinking? Idk if they would be able to provide support. My partner and I stopped having alcohol in the house altogether for the first year or so after I quit, she helped me a lot.

lurking here helped me a bit: https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/
As well as talking to other people I respected who chose to not drink anymore.

A few months in to quitting I was having moments of severe emotional pain and getting pretty bad alcohol cravings but I started taking edibles instead, and also ketamine which helps with processing any trauma based pain. drugs aren't ideal but for me, I hurt myself & others less by using them instead of alcohol.

 

[timf]

Calling AA might help. Talking with people who have been down this road and found a way out can be illuminating.

 

[Outandproud]

Im an alcoholic too.. been sober for 3 months. Well.. two days of relapse in that period but still. I used to drink almost every day for 20 years. Then I suddenly stop. Now i just get high on zolpidem mostly and drink soda. Lol. Pm me anytime, i have a good