Alcohol withdrawals (feel like crying)

[Anxieyote]

Was going ok at first distracting myself with a movie instead of drinking like I usually do (my body is used to heavy amounts of vodka each night), but now the withdrawal symptoms are really kicking in.

I feel extremely on edge and I can't relax. Tried listening to an audiobook, but my brain is buzzing with activity. It's like my brain is asking "what gives?" because usually it is numbed at this point; happy and loopy. My body is angry too; I'm sweating and shaking.

And I'm getting really irritable. Any attempt to distract myself, and my brain is saying "NO!" like a little kid throwing a tantrum. I tried reading an article explaining the symptoms more in-depth, but I can't focus on it right now.

I don't know what to do other than type. The brain reaction and the body reaction is so bad. Combine them together and I can't even begin to calm down or relax. Tonight will be so difficult; I know I will be tossing and turning and shifting around, trying to get into a comfortable position and not being able to fall asleep.

The irritability is so bad. I wanted to go into chat and talk, but am worried I'll be short with people. Wanted to make a forum post at least to tell what's going on and vent..the first night of doing this is always the hardest. Please pray for me if you can, it would mean a lot.

Update: the sound of the air conditioner is so shrill..normally I can tune it out but it's making me so annoyed to the point of clenching my fists in anger. Mmmmmmmmm

Update: got a couple hours of sleep in. My ears are ringing and sounds are more intense than usual. I feel really weird and sad and angry. Feels like if someone would ask me how I'm doing right now I'd respond with "How do you THINK I'm doing??" really sarcastically and angrily. I want to push chairs and break things. I want to just sleep so badly, but my mind won't stop churning and processing…make it stop

Update: Letting the anger wash over me…my brain is saying "happy now?" sarcastically as my head and body aches. It's saying "this is what you get." as if to punish me for not drinking. I have to accept that I'm going to be sad and angry today. I will just try to rest as much as possible.

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Good for you for withdrawing like a champ. I'm sure the physical and mental benefits of going thru this outweighs the current discomforts. Better to go through this process willingly now rather than continuing to rely on alcohol (a depressant) long-term. Still I know how excruciating a night spent alone in such discomfort is. It can feel unending and bring up feelings of ctb. Of course wishing you to hang in and recover and also comfortable sober nights upcoming. It's worth it to keep trying and pushing for a better life through the hellish nightmare that is recovery at times. You've got this

 

[OldDrummer]

You're doing great dude.

Normally, I'd be prescribed benzodiazepines for two weeks after I stopped drinking previously. These can take the restless emotional edge off.

It's important that you eat something really rich in sugar for the first 3-4 nights. Your body is craving it and it should help with the sweats.

It gets better, piece by piece, day by day.

 

[Anxieyote]

Thank you guys. It's really rough right now, but thank you for the support. I'm really irritable and upset, and it may be that way for a little while. But I really want this—kicking my alcohol habit at the start of the New Year would improve my outlook so much and give me hope. I don't want to CTB, I just want my life to be better, and for that to happen the alcohol needs to go.

 

[looseye]

Hi Anx, how did you make it through the night?

 

[Anxieyote]

Hi Anx, how did you make it through the night?

Yeah, I feel very weird and shaky though. Been reading about something called "Delirium Tremens" which another user named Sunny told me about. I haven't eaten much during the last week or so, partially due to having Covid and not having much of an appetite afterwards. It says in the articles I'm reading that withdrawal symptoms can be more severe if one isn't eating or hasn't been eating; so even though I'm not hungry, I'm making sandwiches today and getting some nutrients.

Says it can be life-threatening, so I'm paying close attention to any differences in my mood or body. I really have been drinking heavily for a long time @looseye so I need to be careful. I'll keep you and everyone on SaSu updated if things get more serious. Thank you for checking in, it is scary and I don't want to go through this alone. If you think of me and pray for me it would mean a lot. I have the next couple days off of work, so I'm going to take it easy and rest.

 

[looseye]

You have my prayers mate, I admire you a lot for doing this. It's good that you're taking care of your body's nutrient needs, definitely something to be alert about. I'm wishing you the very best for the next days. They surely won't be easy but who am I to tell you this. If you need someone to talk to, you know we're all here

 

[Regen]

Wow, you are really brave. I really admire your strength!

 

[june]

that sounds tough

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

Good on you, and keep us posted. Don't be afraid to seek medical help if things don't feel right.
For cravings, consider taking some L-glutamine powder, it can help.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Yeah, I feel very weird and shaky though. Been reading about something called "Delirium Tremens" which another user named Sunny told me about. I haven't eaten much during the last week or so, partially due to having Covid and not having much of an appetite afterwards. It says in the articles I'm reading that withdrawal symptoms can be more severe if one isn't eating or hasn't been eating; so even though I'm not hungry, I'm making sandwiches today and getting some nutrients.

Says it can be life-threatening, so I'm paying close attention to any differences in my mood or body. I really have been drinking heavily for a long time @looseye so I need to be careful. I'll keep you and everyone on SaSu updated if things get more serious. Thank you for checking in, it is scary and I don't want to go through this alone. If you think of me and pray for me it would mean a lot. I have the next couple days off of work, so I'm going to take it easy and rest.

Worrying about you. Please let us know how you are doing as you are able.

I'm glad Sunny told you that and hope you will consider maybe getting some medical assistance? I'm sending all good thoughts your way.

 

[Anxieyote]

Worrying about you. Please let us know how you are doing as you are able.

I'm glad Sunny told you that and hope you will consider maybe getting some medical assistance? I'm sending all good thoughts your way.

Thank you Cathy, it means a lot. Things were a lot better this afternoon, but nightfall has come, and the cravings hit badly. I took the vodka out of the cabinet, but was able to resist pouring it into my solo cup, and put it away. Wish I could say it feels good, but it doesn't. My brain is saying "WTF!! You had your drink right there!" and I'm now a bit irritable. I just need to fall asleep. This thread can be a lifeline for me, a place to come to talk to people in a safe area, and document emotions as they come.

I am not my cravings, I am seperate from the part of my brain that wants alcohol. I don't want alcohol; only that part of my brain does. It needs to be tamed like a wild lion. Depriving it from the alcohol is like trapping in it in a cage, and it isn't happy.

Framing it this way will help me. I don't like alcohol, and I never have. The real Anxieyote doesn't like what it's done to his life. A weak and desperate part of my brain thinks I need it, but I don't.

 

[Anxieyote]

I'm reminded that the real challenge has just begun. Waking up in the middle of the night with all of the parts of my mind that are usually shut down due to the alcohol fully functioning and operational. Emotions, thoughts, and anxieties run through my head that are normally suppressed. It's not "fun" at all. It's very headache-inducing.

I check my phone and in frustration and sigh. It's just 1am, and I need to get back to sleep somehow. This is what "sobering up" feels like; this annoyed, buzzing, racing thoughts when I don't want them. And I feel it physically too, my body is really restless and antsy.

I just have to sit here and let it runs its course. I guess my body is "rebooting" and trying to adjust to what's going on. I can't really frame it in a way that is positive—it really sucks. It feels bad. I'm irritable and anxious and frustrated. This gif illustrates it perfectly

 

[Regen]

I cant believe that you try all this without any help - medical or emotional. I could not do that. I would neet help in the hospital. And also with that help, I dont know if I would have the strength... That's unbelievable what you do, really good!!!

I like your picture with the lion really much. I often have pictures of my emotions in my head. I like this one.

 

[looseye]

Check check, what's the status, boss?

 

[Regen]

We are here for you, wether without or with alcohol. I hope, you are okay.

 

[absolute]

Was going ok at first distracting myself with a movie instead of drinking like I usually do (my body is used to heavy amounts of vodka each night), but now the withdrawal symptoms are really kicking in.

I feel extremely on edge and I can't relax. Tried listening to an audiobook, but my brain is buzzing with activity. It's like my brain is asking "what gives?" because usually it is numbed at this point; happy and loopy. My body is angry too; I'm sweating and shaking.

And I'm getting really irritable. Any attempt to distract myself, and my brain is saying "NO!" like a little kid throwing a tantrum. I tried reading an article explaining the symptoms more in-depth, but I can't focus on it right now.

I don't know what to do other than type. The brain reaction and the body reaction is so bad. Combine them together and I can't even begin to calm down or relax. Tonight will be so difficult; I know I will be tossing and turning and shifting around, trying to get into a comfortable position and not being able to fall asleep.

The irritability is so bad. I wanted to go into chat and talk, but am worried I'll be short with people. Wanted to make a forum post at least to tell what's going on and vent..the first night of doing this is always the hardest. Please pray for me if you can, it would mean a lot.

Update: the sound of the air conditioner is so shrill..normally I can tune it out but it's making me so annoyed to the point of clenching my fists in anger. Mmmmmmmmm

Update: got a couple hours of sleep in. My ears are ringing and sounds are more intense than usual. I feel really weird and sad and angry. Feels like if someone would ask me how I'm doing right now I'd respond with "How do you THINK I'm doing??" really sarcastically and angrily. I want to push chairs and break things. I want to just sleep so badly, but my mind won't stop churning and processing…make it stop

Update: Letting the anger wash over me…my brain is saying "happy now?" sarcastically as my head and body aches. It's saying "this is what you get." as if to punish me for not drinking. I have to accept that I'm going to be sad and angry today. I will just try to rest as much as possible.

I know how you feel. I was hooked on oxi pain killers from 2004 - 2008 and all I can say is one day gone is one day closer to kicking it. You will start to feel better as time passess just hang in there.

 

[Dot]

Hve u spokn 2 a doctr @Anxieyote 2 gt sme propr spport e.g bnzos lke @OldDrummer mentnd

Thnk u wre puttng a lt of prssre on urslf whn thre wll b wys 2 mke tht xpernce mre bearble fr u

Alchol & bnzos bth affct ur GABA recptrs -- thy r dysregl8td aftr stoppng alchol whch = hw bnzos hlp - thy calm thse recptrs dwn in absnce of alcohl aftr suddnly stoppng

Mght b wrth lookng in2

& d/ nt 4gt wht OldDrmmr sd abt sugr also

 

[Anxieyote]

We are here for you, wether without or with alcohol. I hope, you are okay.

Relapsed last night on night 3 of no alcohol, but not beating myself up. Baby steps at first, it may not be easy to kick the habit with the sheer force of the "New year, new me" mentality.

@Dot i will look into medication help I think. It really felt impossible in the third night not to drink because my brain was buzzing so badly and I just wanted it to calm down, so I gave my body what it wanted. Would be a lot easier if there was something else there to stop my brain and body from reacting in such a dramatic way to not having the alcohol.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Relapsed last night on night 3 of no alcohol, but not beating myself up. Baby steps at first, it may not be easy to kick the habit with the sheer force of the "New year, new me" mentality.

@Dot i will look into medication help I think. It really felt impossible in the third night not to drink because my brain was buzzing so badly and I just wanted it to calm down, so I gave my body what it wanted. Would be a lot easier if there was something else there to stop my brain and body from reacting in such a dramatic way to not having the alcohol.

Glad to hear from you (phew!) and very pleased that you are not beating yourself up and not giving up. I think you're doing great.

I'm also glad to see you considering getting some meds, temporarily, to help you get through the initial part. Please do!!!

 

[Regen]

I am happy to hear you.

Without thinking bad about yourself? That's a big thing, wow!

I think, trying to be without alcohol with the help of medication is very difficult. But trying it without.... Puh... I dont know how you make it so many hours... It is also a risk, you dont want physical problems that made your life worse. Trying it with help is a very good idea.

When I was a little younger I was addicted to self-harm. When I wanted to stop, I tried to make the intervals longer, first it was only hours, then days, later weeks. There were always setbacks, but it got better.

Same thing when I was in an abusive relationship for years and really couldn't get out of it. I tried again and again and again. For years. Eventually I had it made.

You can do it too!

 

[LittleJem]

Relapsed last night on night 3 of no alcohol, but not beating myself up. Baby steps at first, it may not be easy to kick the habit with the sheer force of the "New year, new me" mentality.

@Dot i will look into medication help I think. It really felt impossible in the third night not to drink because my brain was buzzing so badly and I just wanted it to calm down, so I gave my body what it wanted. Would be a lot easier if there was something else there to stop my brain and body from reacting in such a dramatic way to not having the alcohol.

Hi in case it helps…I've become quite evangelical about drugs recently-as the research into LSD and alcoholism is impressive:

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-17297714.amp

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0269881119845793

It really annoys me that this relatively safe tool isn't used to help people suffering.

There is also more recent research I read the other day but can't find now, which also had excellent results.

In any case you are strong for starting this process and I wish you continued success

 

[gottablast888]

Are you going to the doctor ? Are you in some sort of rehabilitation program?

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

I'm in a similar situation, though I wasn't drinking every day. The worst part of alcoholism is when drinking doesn't even feel good anymore. I spent most of 2022 either drinking or counting down the hours until I could drink, and now my brain has gotten used to it to the point where alcohol doesn't give me anywhere near the same amount of pleasure. Now when I do it there's this feeling like I'm physically drunk but not mentally drunk, if that makes any sense. It's not fun, and definitely not worth the hangovers and impact on my physical health. Hang in there OP, you got this

 

[Anxieyote]

I see a lot of messages in my inbox tonight (haven't checked any of them). I am a mod here so it's not uncommon to see those notifications in my inbox. But it's important that I don't get anxious when I see those notifications. It can wait, I just need some time to calm down

 

[Anxieyote]

I did drink tonight. I apologize to everyone. I felt like I had to

 

[Anxieyote]

I probably need somewhere safe to talk to tonight if anyone is there. I don't want to embarrass myself. I find messages I wasn't aware I sent in the morning, sometimes multiple. I don't want that to happen tonight

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I probably need somewhere safe to talk to tonight if anyone is there. I don't want to embarrass myself. I find messages I wasn't aware I sent in the morning, sometimes multiple. I don't want that to happen tonight

I'm here and more than willing to listen to you if you need someone. I don't promise to have the answers, but I promise that I will really listen to everything you have to say.

Please don't be hard on yourself for having a drink. When you're trying to quit something, and you have a bit. It doesn't mean you've failed. It's a setback. Tomorrows another day.

 

[TydalWave]

Thank you guys. It's really rough right now, but thank you for the support. I'm really irritable and upset, and it may be that way for a little while. But I really want this—kicking my alcohol habit at the start of the New Year would improve my outlook so much and give me hope. I don't want to CTB, I just want my life to be better, and for that to happen the alcohol needs to go.

I can relate... I made the same choice this year and so far it has triggered a deep depression more than anything. Makes sense... I always knew I was basically self-medicating my depression with alcohol. Anyways what a shitty way to start the new year.

Hopefully, if we stay strong it will get better as our bodies adapt.

 

[Anxieyote]

I can relate... I made the same choice this year and so far it has triggered a deep depression more than anything. Makes sense... I always knew I was basically self-medicating my depression with alcohol. Anyways what a shitty way to start the new year.

Hopefully, if we stay strong it will get better as our bodies adapt.

I hate that it makes us feel worse. Drinking is WAY more tempting than being sober. I'm really sorry man. I join you in solidarity, we can both be sober someday. I offer you a hug